Email
Print
Yup, it’s true. I am now about to become a millionaire. According to an email from Felix Ahmed, the only Son of late Ahmed Bello, I am now in the position to make 15% of 10.5 million dollars. Do the math and that is $1,575,000.00. Not too bad for doing absolutely nothing. Well, I should take that back, I still have to send Felix my bank account information and social security number so that he can transfer the money over since he can’t take out the money and deposit it himself.
How?
By now I know what you are thinking: How did I run across such luck? Very simple actually: doing pretty much nothing. Felix did all the work. Felix spent many hours gathering email addresses and picked my email out of the hundreds and thousands and decided that I was going to be the lucky one who gets nearly $1.6 million dollars. All I would have to do in exchange is give a little bit of information. Now I realized that he did all the work and that I would get all the rewards so I decided to write him an email back thanking him. The correspondence is as follows:
Dear Felix,
Thank you for this great opportunity! I am honored that out of all the people in the world you choose me! How can I get this share of the money? I am saddened to hear of your unfortunate circumstances. I can’t believe I almost missed your email, it went directly to SPAM mail. I was wondering how you actually found my email address and why you picked me? Also, I was thinking that 15% is a little low. I was thinking maybe at least 25%. What do you think?
Joseph
I know it was bad to ask for 25%, but times are tough. I could tell that Felix was eager to do business with me as he emailed me back in less than 25 minutes with a response:
Joseph
Thank you for helping. I am here in Cote D’ivoire and don’t have much time before the money is stolen by someone else. I only need your social security number and your bank account number and I will transfer it over immediately. I can give you 25% if you can send the information very soon.
I await your reply.
I couldn’t believe it! 25% of $10.5 million dollars is $2,625,000.000! I couldn’t believe my luck. For anyone out there reading this, one important thing to remember is that when someone emails you offering to give you 15% of $10.5 million, always ask for more.
Before I sent over my personal information to a complete stranger, I still had more questions for him:
Felix,
Now that I think about it, I have a lot of bills to pay, I think that 40% is fair. How is your money going to get stolen? I hope it isn’t a pot of gold like from Lucky Charms. Also, I heard the weather is beautiful in Cote D’ivoire during this time of year. I see you are using Gmail! Let’s talk? I got a webcam, do you? I love google and all the great new tools they are coming out with! By the way Felix, where in Cote D’ivoire are you located? Let’s meet up? I know a great coffee place that has some killer scones!
Let me know.
At this point of our correspondence, it seemed that Felix was very stressed as he began to become disoriented and somewhat agitated in his emails:
Joseph,
40%?!? That is too much, but if you send your information now I will let you take 40%. I don’t have a webcam sorry. Why do you ask such random questions? Don’t you want your money? I am located in central Cote D’ivoire. I don’t have time to meet you, I just want money. What the hell are Lucky Charms and why would you want to drink coffee at a time like this? I am giving you money for FREE. Don’t even know what scones are.
I await your reply.
A person that doesn’t know what scones are? I couldn’t believe it. Not only was I outraged, but I decided to call it off:
Felix,
How do you not know what scones are! Do you know what muffins are? If you do, then just picture the top of a muffin only and you have a scone. I don’t know if I can do business with someone who doesn’t know what scones are. That is like going to a 5-star restaurant with no waiters. Not good business Felix. You should have known that I love scones. I am taking a trip to Cote D’ivoire tomorrow, if you want to talk to me in person about scones and how we can make this deal happen, let me know. Otherwise, I feel sorry for someone who doesn’t know what scones are.
After this email, I didn’t hear back from Felix again. It is unfortunate that our deal didn’t go through, but what Felix failed to realize was that I loved scones. Plain and simple. Sure it was over 2 million dollars for free, but Felix was just bad at business. Funny thing happened though, a couple days later it seemed that Felix had gained the courage to try and find someone else to help him because I got an email from him again that was almost identical to his first email. It must have been a mistake that he sent it to me again, but it is good to see that Felix doesn’t give up on trying to get people to give him their personal information for the hopes of millions of dollars.
So the question now is how can you win a million dollars doing absolutely nothing? Simple, check your email and look at your spam folder. I can almost gaurantee you that Felix or one of his friends has sent you a great offer and a chance to become a millionaire or even a billionaire.
Who said the economy was bad? Felix doesn’t think so.
—-
Photo by mwboeckmann
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles,
subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
Comments
Editor's Note: Inappropriate comments that are offensive to the author or not in context to the author's post will be removed. For editorial feedback, please contact our Community Manager through his user profile. Click here.
April 29, 2009 12:09 pm
this is HILARIOUS!
April 29, 2009 12:16 pm
@Mehnaz -- Thank you! I really enjoyed writing it. While I was writing I was laughing. I actually couldn't wait to write it. I am glad you liked it! I hope it brought some laughs!
April 29, 2009 1:37 pm
I love this. I'm glad you actually went down that road after one of those ridiculous emails. I feel like I get them at least once a month, yikes!
Next time, I want to try to engage in a conversation like that. I'm surprised that "Felix" wrote back so many times engaging in conversation. Thanks for the laughs, Joseph :)
April 29, 2009 1:39 pm
Awesome spin on a classic email campaign! Great work Joseph.
April 29, 2009 2:02 pm
This is hilarious! I think I might do this in the near future.
One time, I was in Paris near Sacre Coeur where a lot of con "artists" try to scam tourists (mostly Americans because they fall for it) by drawing caricatures of them and asking for $70-$80 in return.
This is how the conversation went:
"Artist": Oh, mademoiselle, you are so beautiful, let me draw a picture of you.
Me: Ok! *batting eye lashes...slowly realizing it is a scam while he is scribbling away*
Me: Monsieur, how much will this cost me?
"Artist": Oh you do not worry. I'll give you my special price. Don't worry!
Me: Oh ok...But you know, I just do not feel comfortable being drawn and not knowing how much it will cost. How much will it cost, monsieur?
"Artist": Special price for you, mademoiselle. 50 euro.
Me (in my mind): Wha?! 1 euro = $1.36!
Me (out loud): Oh, great! Thank you!
He keeps scribbling, so the sunk costs get higher and higher.
Me: Oh, dear monsieur, I just thought about it and decided that it is too high. But thank you so much for offering!
"Artist": Fine, mademoiselle, fine. You get my special price of 20 euro!
Me: Oh, that is absolutely great! I am so excited...oh but, monsieur, I just decided that I cannot spend that kind of money. I actually do not really need this at all. But thank you for your time.
"Artist": Fine, mademoiselle, you get it for free!
"Artist" continues scribbling.
Me: Oh, this is great, monsieur! I am so excited. I hope your day is going well.
"Arist" continues scribbling.
Me: Oh, monsieur, I was just thinking. Why would you do this for me for free? I mean, I kind of feel bad. You are waisting your precious work minutes to do this. Do you not want to be paid?
"Artist": Get away from me, woman.
April 29, 2009 2:03 pm
Sorry to spam...I guess that ship has sailed.
By "waisting," I mean "wasting." I speak English good.
April 29, 2009 2:32 pm
hmmm that much money for free is pretty good but today, in my email, i was offered "turbines" for my "meat jet". hmmm. i dont know quite what to make of that!
April 29, 2009 3:50 pm
Thank you everyone for the great comments! My friend actually messaged me "someone will read this and really go out and do it, but believe they will get the money." I can't believe that some people actually fall for these Nigerian Scams. Hopefully this post brought some laughter and smiles to all of you!
April 29, 2009 6:35 pm
@Irina - One of those artists tried to get my ex and me outside of the Modern Art museum. He said he'd draw her for free, spent like 15 minutes drawing her eye, then asked for like $70. We got out of there. That was a waste of time for both us and the artist.
@Joseph - Maybe if enough people write these emails back to them, the costs for sending them out will go through the roof, since they'll spend all of that time trying to filter out real suckers from fake ones. It's time to write some reverse SPAM software.
April 29, 2009 7:09 pm
hahahaha i just got one he was offering me 10 million.. just when i was about to call him he's FAKE nooooooo
April 29, 2009 10:01 pm
@Joseph - I feel bad that it didnt work out for you. If you're interested, I know a guy that says you can get rich by getting involved in some type of business opportunity, something to do with pyramids.
@Photis - Reverse spam is a great idea, you could call it "maps".
April 29, 2009 10:19 pm
pyramids sounds like a great idea.. well as long is not like a ponzi scheme lol
April 29, 2009 10:26 pm
Whenever I think of pyramid schemes I think of an episode of The Office where Michael Scott (Steve Carell) gets tricked into a pyramid scheme and doesn't even know it until he draws out how the process works.
April 30, 2009 7:40 am
I am impressed with your negotiation skills, going from 15% to 40%, but I do feel a bit sorry for poor old Felix getting ripped off ;)
Oh and I love The Office!
May 7, 2009 10:48 am
Nice humor Joseph. :)
May 8, 2009 1:17 pm
Joseph, my co workers officially think I'm crazy. Definitely laughing out loud, you're hilarious
May 8, 2009 1:19 pm
@Alexandra -- I'm glad you enjoyed it! Don't worry about your co workers thinking you are crazy, just show them the blog post and they will laugh too haha. Enjoy!
May 8, 2009 1:35 pm
Hahaha, just read this. Hilarious. Thanks for the laugh, Joseph!
June 2, 2009 11:39 am
Nice work...and a lot of effort, but it makes a great blog.
Got Something To Say?
Got Something To Say?
Not a Member? Brazen Careerist is a career management tool for next-generation professionals. Set up a free account today to comment on this post and start sharing your ideas. Learn more.
Login to view your networks!
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
Grad School Zone
UVA (Darden) MBA Admissions Deadlines for 2010-2011
0 Comments
The University of Virginia's Darden School of Business recently published its application deadlines for the coming admissions season. Here they are, followed by our comments in italics:
READ MORE0 Comments
.gif){kind=logo}
