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Rikin Diwan is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Rikin Diwan and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
Sometimes I get overcharged,
that’s when you see sparks.
They ask me where the hell I’m going?
At a 1000 feet per second,
hey man, slow down, slow down,
idiot, slow down, slow down.
Thom Yorke - The Tourist
I was seventeen when I had my first panic attack. Oddly enough, I was merely lazing around like a bum sitting in front of the TV. Then, as if the leaky dam suddenly failed and water blasted through, dozens of thoughts began to explode in my head. Every thought I had ever had seemed to pass through me in that short moment. My first car accident, the third place prize I won for an essay I wrote in the 2nd grade, the Enlightenment era, how Batman cartoons sucked since they moved to the WB, inevitable death, the face of a cute girl I had seen earlier that day, the euphemisms of Winston Churchill, final exams, the SATs… my brain was overloading.
This panic attack, like many others, was more than just mental. Soon enough my chest was getting squeezed and breaths became short and sporadic. My heart was racing and it soon felt like an 8th grade marching band practice, out of tune and lacking rhythm, was taking place inside my chest. I always hated marching bands. I couldn’t even sit still, my feet were tapping, hands shaking, and I had to get up and pace around. Finally, I was exhausted and crashed on my bed.
Panic Attacks Don’t Have Friends
The worst thing about panic attacks is that you’re simply frightened of having them again. This fright leads you to restrict yourself in everyday situations. Highly social events, final exams, large presentations, job interviews - no situation is unsusceptible. You continuously hold yourself back from a perceived risk of over-exposure. Unfortunately, if these restrictions are challenged… well you’ll have a panic attack. With panic disorder, it’s almost as if the cause and the effect are one of the same.
Panic Attacks Are Motherless
The other thing about panic attacks is that you don’t really know where they came from or what the initial trigger is. At the time I was going through a phase of self-improvement. I was focused on ending my high-school life on a good note. I was adjusting after a significant loss that reshaped my views of success. But if I had to place a bet, it’d be on my attempt to control what a few people had labelled as a “temper problem”. My method, suppressing my initial reaction and thoughts - contemplating everything internally and deciding whether or not to let it out. All this quelled my temper but it also involved finding new ways to vent which I probably wasn’t good at in the beginning. Too many pent up thoughts without an outlet for release sounds like a good cause for a panic attack if you ask me.
Panic Attacks Are Unjustified & Profitable
After that initial experience in high-school my panic attacks would come back every few months without any warning at all. In college I participated in a study that was examining the relationship between asthma and panic disorder. The study paid $25 per visit, at 5 visits, for a total of $125. Perfect! I had asthma, had a few panic attacks, and was a broke student so I signed up.
During my third visit and $50 later, the doctor conducting the tests told me that she would attempt to induce a panic attack. We sat in a small room where every furniture and fixture was white. She sat me in a swivel chair and asked me to close my eyes as she began to spin the chair around. At first it felt ridiculous and completely ineffective but then when I least expected it, she switched the direction I was turning in. Then the chair stopped abruptly and I opened my eyes in a tiny room that was sterile white. Claustrophobia kicked in and I was dizzy and light headed. The panic attack hit hard.
Things To Know About Panic Attacks
Short-term
Longterm
Not many people that I know share my endearing relationship with panic attacks. If they do, they usually don’t speak of their problems and they sure as hell don’t give out the cure if they know it. If you’ve had one, know anything about them, or even if you think that they’re for sissies then please let me know. In fact, I hear that there’s a really nice comment section below. How nice of me.
My first "good" panic attack was during my freshman year in a student government meeting in college. I literally fell back into a chair as I was speaking and the guy I was seeing had to take me out of the chambers. It was one of the most frightening feelings EVER, especially being the control-freak that I am.
Your long term solutions are REALLY good, it's actually why I started doing yoga twice a week. I still get worked up and freak out occasionally, but that's why god made doors for offices. :)
Wow that's one scary experience Elisa. Public panic attacks are the worst and I remember having to leave a few get-togethers because of them.
I'm so glad I have a door at work too!
I started having panic attacks last year. I was sitting at my desk, doing my normal morning routine, and all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I felt like I was going to pass out. I told my boss that if I screamed (from downstairs), to come check on me that I wasn't feeling good. It happened again. We worked across from the hospital, so we just walked over, walked around the place, then I waited an hour to get into the clinic. That was the longest hour. Like you, I had all of these things going through my head about what my life would be like if I wasn't able to do anything or if I died while my wife was out of the country. What would she do? I got into the doctors office and when the doctor and an intern asked me what was wrong, I began crying and telling them, "sorry, just a second." And to be clear - this isn't me... this had never happened ever in my life, nothing even close to this. So after they looked at me like I was crazy, they let me go and I spent a few nights falling asleep and jumping up right at the brink of sleep gasping for air. It slowly got a little better, but I finally went to see if there was any medication to help because I wasn't going to be able to function if it continued. About eight or nine months later now, I haven't had one of those nights again, but occasionally I could feel it coming on and it seemed to be certain times: driving alone (especially to the airport or any high-stress areas), driving at night, and falling asleep.
Similarly to Elisa, while not actually doing yoga, I started reading a lot about certain yogic practices and reconnecting to a spiritual side of my life. I think for a while there I felt like I was sounding too much like these new age hippies, but it has helped me in the long run. At first, I did a lot of the things Rikin mentioned... breathing exercises (which I've always done), neutralizing thoughts, and one thing where you close your eyes, concentrate on what your body is doing... do you feel anything anywhere? What does it feel like? Can you relax that part of your body? Try to go through and relax each part. What it does is gets your mind off of things you may be unconsciously thinking about. It focuses you on the here and now. I think that's where most of our anxiety comes from is thinking too much in the future about things. The things I've learned are how to "be" instead of thinking about where we'll be constantly.
Sorry to be so long - it's just a topic that is very important to me. I think a lot of people go through these same things but never talk about it because the stigmas involved. I'm happy to see a post on here about it, though, because I think it's going to increase more and more in our lifetime. I feel like it's a wake-up call from our subconscious to take care of things that we've been pushing back or ignoring.
Hey Rikin,
I share your pain. I've been living with anxiety and
panic attacks for years now. The worst part about them is trying to
explain the experience to somebody who doesn't get it.
One of
my greatest weapons when I'm battling this stuff is to have a friend
who understands what you're going through. I call them and we just talk
it through. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, but it at least
reminds me that I'm not alone in that feeling.
Thanks for sharing this.
-RP
Hey Rikin,
I am in the same boat... I have been having panic attacks since I was in 8th grade, and when you say they limit what you do, you are very correct. My panic attacks usually came because I felt guilty of something or was holding something back.
Clearing my head through excercise and talking about stuff with close friends has been a big part of getting rid of the attacks, and I haven't had one in a while. I do feel your pain though, there is no worse feeling in the world.
Dan
I am actually planning to write a post on tips to beating anxiety this week, but you beat me to the punch.
All solid ideas you have- I would add going outside. Most panic attacks I have I find come when I'm sitting on the couch watching TV or on the computer. I almost never get them when I'm active or doing something outside. Even if you're not exercising, just being in fresh, open air can help a lot.
Paugh hit it on the head- having someone to talk to who knows your situation and can calm you down in the middle of an attack is key. If you don't have friends or family that you're that close to, a good CBT is probably the best way to go.
Hey Rikin,
Great post. I've noticed this seems to be a pattern with people who feel overworked, and feel like they have to have the controls. I know many people who get them. You offer some great tips. I think the best things, as everyone above has stated is to have someone talk you off the ledge, and for you to work through the panic.
Keep on powering through!
I'm glad you are bringing this topic into the open. A lot of people (including myself) are afraid to talk about it, and don't take it seriously. It's hard to realize unless you have them, how much they can impact your life. I've suffered from panic attacks and anxiety for awhile, and finding the triggers (alcohol, caffeine, certain environments) can reduce their occurance. Also, like you said stimulating your body in a good way with yoga and exercise helps.
@Smith+Fritzy I never really thought or heard of the body concentration method but I can definitely see how that makes absolute sense and will have to try it out.
I'm actually really surprised that the doctors didn't give you a good diagnosis and just calm you down with a few words that this is normal. The one thing I'd be against personally though is taking medication for anxiety attacks. I don't know maybe I'm old fashioned in that sense. BUT I remember in the movie Garden State where Zach Braff stops taking meds for a temper problem because they simply made him feel numb. I'd rather feel like I'm going nuts than not feel a thing.
@Ryan Paugh - Mate you deal with 20 somethings all day long, no wonder why you get anxiety attacks!
@Dan Healy It's really interesting to see how panic attacks can really come at any age - either that or you one really stressed out 8th grader. You're right it definitely is one of the worst feelings in the world because it's almost indescribable and without reason.
@Tim Healy I'd be glad to promote your post when it comes out and I can't believe I forgot about fresh air. Going outside is a great idea but I definitely would not go somewhere crowded or noisy like a park.
@Mehnaz The more people say it I can't believe I didn't include talking to somebody as a word of advice. To be honest I've never done it at least not during a panic attack although I think it's really important to prevent them.
@Ashley Mittman Caffeine was one of my triggers and I had to cut back significantly because I'd literally get the shakes because of one too many coffee cups. As for body stimulation my favorite is actually doing hand/head stands. The need to find balance and concentrate on one thing while deep breathing is great to relax and really gets my blood flowing.
Sorry for double posting that comment!
Just one more thing. I'm so glad that a bunch of you came out and discussed your personal stories and tips. I can only vouch for myself but it's really helpful to hear that though the experience of a panic attack is completely strange that I'm not completely strange for actually feeling it.
However, I'm not surprised that there are a lot of people in this community who suffer from anxiety. Creativity and drive are great qualities but they also come with the pitfall of self-consciousness and excessive stress. I guess it's just something that we have to balance and keep mind of.
I never had panic attacks when I was younger, but I have always flip-flopped between being very Type-A and very relaxed - I think the switch between the two has been what has kept me from having panic attacks in the past, since I didn't spend ALL of my time in Type-A mode. However, it is an inherent personality trait that I am very detail-oriented, and I have always felt that if you are going to do something you should do it right.
A little over 6 months ago I quit smoking - a habit that is probably one of the best vent-releasing activities in the known world despite also being one of the worst things you can do to your body. Losing that "release" control in my life has meant that I have needed to learn to deal with stress in new ways, although I admit that this is something I am still very much learning to deal with.
A few weeks ago I had an incident at work that my doctor and I have now decided was most likely a panic attack. Between stresses in my job, some side projects I promised to which have eaten up much more of my free time than I would like, and trying to balance family life with my wife and toddler, I was reaching a breaking point. As I was returning to my office, I sat back down to my desk and felt a severe tightening in my chest and felt a bit lightheaded. My heart started to race, I was shaking, and I had no idea what had just happened. I stepped outside for a bit, came back in and still felt largely out of sorts, and took off early for home to lie down and relax close to "home base".
What I found interesting was that my doctor pointed out that like many people above seem to have indicated, that the panic attacks most typically come during a "rest period". He explained it that similar to how people get sick just AFTER a big date they were pushing hard to do things for, or after sustained periods of crunch time, your body tends to "get back at you" once you have backed off so a panic attack won't usually come while you're still amped up and running around, but in a quiet period when you otherwise may not be feeling stressed at all.
I'm looking to increase my exercise program and overall try and find new ways to release my stress, since keeping pent-up seems to be my biggest issue. The doctor suggested that I could qualify as being a victim of anxiety disorder, but I'm not looking for any medications, since in my opinion some of the traits which lead to my stress are the exact characteristics which make me GOOD at my job - and I'm a bigger fan of looking to implement some minor life changes instead of throwing pills at the issue. The one thing I know is that I'm certainly not looking to go back to smoking, which is at least one good thing I've got going for me :)
I was so surprised to see so many gentlemen suffering from this disorder...I too have panic attacks or anxiety attacks but never when I'm awake...I get them when I sleep and they wake me up in such a state that it takes me hours to go back to sleep...
I'm closing in on 50 and the first one hit me when I was in my mid twenties right before having a major surgery...I thought I was having a heart attack at first and almost had my husband take me to the ER...finally was able to go back to sleep but they continued nightly until after I had the surgery...from then on when ever I get worried or upset about something...mostly money or family matters they come in full force...I have to get out of the bed..walk around the house...drink some water.,..do some deep breathing....sometimes I go out side and finally I can go back to bed...Do any of you get this when you sleep...I don't know of anyone else that does so I wondered if any of you have had this experience...for me it is an overwhelming feeling of impending doom or dread...It is so strong that I feel if I do not move or get up I will die...
S
@S OConnor: Yes, I usually experience them while sleeping. I'll wake up at 3 or 4 in the morning feeling most/all of the symptoms described above and literally feeling like I'm going to die. Getting up, going outside, drinking some water, trying to concentrate on one particular thing, etc., all help.
@Rikin and everyone else, great posts. It's comforting to read about other experiences so similar to one's own on a topic not generally discussed.
HI! First of all I want to admit that this blog is very interesting and reminds that that every one faces it.
Good Day
Good post Rikin.
I haven't had a panic attack for a long time, but I remember the feelings vividly. It really does feel like you're having a heart attack
My panic attacks would generally come when I had a bout of negative thoughts and high stress and worked myself into a state. An additional long term solution I'd like to add is learning how to recognise and try to stop thought patterns which could set off a panic attack.
For me, what helped (in conjunction with some counselling) was completing a MoodGym module. It is an online cognitive behaviour therapy program developed by the Australian National University, and whilst that probably sounds a bit boring I found the modules fun, insightful and really useful.
I suffer from Social Anxiety.. when too many people are around i shut down or get extremley intense and want to cry. I can never go on the top deck of a bus and hold a conversation. I am extremley paranoid, i always think people are out to hurt me and have alot fo trust issues. I've tried cognitive therapy with a professional psychologist which kind of worked but i didn't stick to it for long. I lied and said i was better so he let me go. (I acted like i was ok even though i wasn't.) This was 2 years ago. Then i started college again after dropping out the previous year but eventually dropped out again because of so many people around and having to socialise, i just couldn't face it everyday. I've completley changed my diet to eating very healthy.. lots of fruit and veg, varied meat, drinking lots of water etc etc. I also exersise every other day ( dancing and long walks). I feel a slight improvement but i would say only about 50% . I've booked a doctors appointment tomorrow and was wondering if i tell her all of this would she consider giving me medication as this is the only option i have never tried before. This is my only hope left.. I actually want to live a long and joyus life but i feel like so much is in my way.
Was the last comment spam or for reals?
If for reals. I wish you nothing but the best of luck and the condition is too serious for me to even give a banal opinion on. If spam - piss off because you're making me panic for no reason.
I don't know when i had my first panic attack, but I can now place my finger on a few that i've had in the past few years. Most recently, (july 3rd) I was with my boyfriend heading to Summerfest (milwaukee's huge music fest) and we got on a bus to head down to the grounds, and it quickly filled up with teenagers all who'd been drinking. There was no air circulation, and I started to feel sick, I kept trying to tell my self it'll be ok, but that didn't work, i told my boyfriend I felt like I was going to be sick. Thankfully I wasn't and we got off at the stop after we got on. Thankfully he totally understood my discomfort, as he's also uncomfortable in those situations. We went back to our hotel and just chilled for the night, which made me feel much better. My mom later told me that ever since I was little and we went to Summerfest I had panic attacks but we didn't know that's what they were, I would cry and get upset because I was hot and there were too many people.
I tried to talk to my psych about this and she said they were stress induced and didn't give me anything to take when I start feeling like that, but I might talk to her again, since they have become more and more common, and prevent me from doing things that I really want to sometimes.
I really think that this is a subject a lot of people experience, and no one talks about. Thanks for writing this post!
Although I don't suffer from panic attacks, I do have a high-dose of anxiety. It mostly turns up when I'm planning things- I make lists/itinerary's/ideas way ahead of time and then i'm nervous the entire time because I worry that it won't turn out right.
Since graduating college it's become more apparent that I have this issue. Social settings are hard to relax in, I agonize over preparing for meetings, events, etc. Being intimate causes anxiety-it sucks!
I have learned that since I know I have this issue, that if I mentally prepare myself for what I'm most worried/consumed by, then I seem to be able to perform better, relax and enjoy myself.
I think a lot of it does come from wanting to be in control of a situation, or being fearful of not knowing what can happen in a situation.
Best of luck
I am in the middle of a panic attack right now after awaking about a half hour after going to bed feeling I couldn't breathe. From there all the other panic attack symptoms kicked in. I decided to get on my laptop to distract myself and reading your comments has helped me tremendously. Someone made an interesting comment about panic attacks occuring right AFTER a big event in your life. In my case, I think this applies, as I have come off a week of excitement, anticipation and anxiety due to a guy (that I secretly like) contacting me to say he was coming into town and would like to get together. This event has passed and now instead of feeling happy, I have a panic attack. I am feeling better now and I want to thank all of you for taking the time to share your experiences.
@anonymous
I'm really sorry to hear that you just had a panic attack - I know they're an absolute nightmare and can be a complete scare during and after one.
This comment means the most to me out of all the others I've ever received on any of my posts ever so I really do thank you for taking the time to visit and leave your thoughts. I'm amazed by the outpouring of support as well as the honesty in the comments above and yours is truly outstanding.
Take it easy one breath, one thought, and one step at a time. Oh and by the way I'm sure you'll knock the socks off (do people still say that?) that guy!
Thank you so much for responding to me and caring, as I really appreciate. I rarely have panic attacks, maybe once or twice a year,thank goodness, but even once a year is too much. I have always been
so embarrassed to mention it to anybody as I was afraid they would think I was weak or insecure and I'm not that way at all. You all sound like really great people and I now realize that it can happen to
anyone. I got over my panic attack that night pretty quickly and after reading all of your comments, I was able to go to bed and actually sleep good. I guess it is just knowing that you are not alone. As for
the guy, he's a challenge and unfortunately I don't think I've knocked his socks off....probably not the right guy for me, especially if he makes me have panic attacks - lol Thanks again!! Jeanne
Hi, great posts on here. Just wanted to say I'm a former panic attack sufferer and know what its like. I still suffer from social anxiety but no longer experience panic attacks. Its great to see such support out there!
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