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For those who don’t know, I’ve been undergoing my own mini divorce/legal battle with my asshole x-boyfriend whom I stupidly co-signed a lease with. After much mis-treatment, I couldn’t take it anymore and moved out almost two months ago. Jack is STILL not willing to either move out or allow one of us to be removed from the lease. Apparently he is the type of guy who would prefer to mooch off of a Sugar Momma to pay for half of his rent rather than accept the break up and move forward with his life like a real man.
After weeks of commuting to and from the far west suburbs to the city each day, and no progress in coming to an agreement we can both live with, I decided to get a lawyer involved to handle all communications and negotiations going forward.
My decision to involve a lawyer in our debacle started after many attempts of trying to explain to Jack what Joint and Several Liability is. Therefore, I figured you girls could also benefit from understanding what this means in case you ever find yourself in a lease dispute type of situation like mine.
When you co-sign a lease with someone, you are legally responsible for the whole payment amount should your roommate die or somehow become unwilling or unable to pay the rent. You are even still responsible if your co-signer has a mood swing and randomly decides not to pay.
This means, if I choose not to pay next month’s rent, Jack-and his credit score- are on the hook just as much as I am. The leasing company does not care who writes the check or what portion comes from Jack vs. Me, they just need the full rent payment from someone. If they don’t receive full payment, they will report it to both of our credit reports.
So while Jack is sitting back smugly thinking he is living in a great bachelor pad for half the price, he is about to destroy both his and my credit score by choosing not to come to an agreement about how to move forward since I have decided not to pay any more rent towards a place that I don’t live in.
If you don’t want to be in a situation like this, do not sign a joint lease with someone. You never know when someone could stop paying his/her rent. This is true for roommates, significant others, and any other person you would sign with. If one person doesn’t pay, you are responsible for the whole amount.
My advice? Don’t bother jointly signing a lease if you are co-habituating before marriage. If you want to live together, have one person sign it. If they can’t swing that alone, have their parents co-sign it or anyone else but you. I NEVER would have expected the guy I dated to become so mentally unstable and difficult, but when people are hurt things like this happen.
If anyone else has had nasty breakup/living together stories they are willing to share, I’d love to hear about them! Maybe we can get a few laughs out of it.
Nobody cares about your man hating rant. Sounds like you made a dumb decision. I think we know who's mentally unstable and difficult... the person who tries to slander their ex in a blog post and just ends up looking mentally retarded.
I'm sure you're a nice person so write about something relevant ok?
@MadSkills I totally agree- I made a REALLY dumb decision! Hopefully I can help prevent someone else from making the same mistake!
Always the man's fault isn't it. Perhaps you should have some introspection to see why he suddenly changed. Probably because of you. Based on the fact you chose to get a lawyer tells me you are CRAZY!
A lease is a short term committment of one year or less. You are obligated to pay for your half regardless of if you think it is fair or not. Quit being immature and pay your share until the lease ends. It is exactly what you signed up for.
Wow, any guy that googles you in the future before a date is going to run like hell when they stumble upon this post.
Oh jeez...that is something to think about, especially for all the cohabitating young women (and men) out there. I think your advice is sound. Relationships can become a little hard to navigate once you start living with someone. I would also like to add that if someone moves in with you, you should openly and honestly communicate about the payment arrangements and what you plan to do in the event of a break up.
@Tim and @MadSkills- I appreciate your comments but please refrain from calling me crazy or mentally retarded.
@All- Please note that there are several solutions I have offered to make this very fair to my x. I have offered to take over the whole lease along with all of the financial obligations that come along with it including paying the whole rent, utilities and reparis that may need to be made at the end of the lease. I've found sub-leasers who could move in. I've offered to buy out the lease to put it behind us. I've offered to pay for his movers to leave. Etc etc. But without his signature, none of these reasonable solutions can be made.
One of my girlfriend's just went through the same thing. Fortunately for me, since I am a lawyer, I understand joint and several liability, but most people (highly educated, intelligent people like you and my friend) might think that signing a lease together means each person is responsible for one half. I can't tell you how many times people have told me they thought that. In my friend's case, she is stuck in an apartment she doesn't want -- but she did learn a lesson.
Your offers to your ex are more than reasonable -- sounds like he is just being a jerk to be a jerk. I hope this works out for you in the end.
And to the commenters -- grow up!
I think everything you wrote here makes sense! I never knew about Joint and Several Liability and it's a good thing to know that will influence my future decisions about roommates. You were definitely more than reasonable to your ex by offering all of those options, he's the fool for continuing on an unnecessary and childish feud.
Um, does it really have to be noted that her hiring a lawyer to deal with a complicated legal problem is not necessarily evidence that she is a crazy person?
I don't know much about law, and I understand that you are responsible for the whole lease as a co-signer, but I'm sure there must be some way for you to get out of this situation. I don't think the law is intended to allow one person to just chill in an apartment for free while holding the other person's credit score hostage. I hope your lawyer is able to help you out.
Good luck, and thanks for the warning.
I don't think Nicole is blaming "the guy." I believe she is expressing genuine frustration at a complicated situation. I give her credit for taking a leap and living with a man she loved. You never know how things will work out in the end.
I lived with my ex as well. Luckily we had a reasonable split and figured out our lease, but it was not without frustrations. I can imagine being in Nicole's shoes. I think it takes an incredible amount of strength to deal with it. I can't blame her for lashing out. Those of you that have not been in this situation have NO IDEA the toll it takes on your entire life.
So, please spare your harsh judgements and focus on the content of the article.
And this is only one of the reasons why I waited until I was married before my wife moved in with me.
I think the "gentleman" that first replied to this post were so far out of line to personally insult Nicole. Nicole offers invaluable advice to women not only in regards to men, but to many other relevant topics. You may find some topics more applicable than others, but every reader appreciates something different in her blog. So before you lash out at someone who is willing to put herself out there, in order to give advice others, I think you need to take a look inward. I believe a great deal of the women who read her blog would "run like hell", as you say Chad, from men like you.
Nicole...was in a similiar situation when I was in college. Stupid on my part yes to move in before marriage etc. The point is that he's hurt and to a guy his ego is EVERYTHING! So unfortunately for us ladies they like to feel like they still have some power because you have bruised everything else he thought he had. Not your fault in any way but this "guy" needs to look in the mirror and GROW UP because 5 years from now he's going to regret how he acted. Karma is a BITCH!
As much as this post isn't the typical "something relevant" like careers, job issues, etc., it deals with a big issue that is sooooo important, especially with approximately 50% of couples living together before marriage.
Living together is a big step and isn't a guarentee that the situation will work out. This should make everyone who is entering into a living arrangement with their significant other before marriage plan ahead for the what if of this situation.
@Nicole Thank you for sharing your unique perspective. Getting a lawyer doesn't make you crazy, it makes you smart for getting someone involved who can make a difference in the situation since your ex is making things harder than they should be.
Let's all agree that we will never agree on a battle of the sexes issues such as this.
The author moved to Chicago from Ohio. How original. Typical Lincoln Park trixie. You have not made it nor arrived simply because you live in Chicago. Take your Jetta and drive back to your hometown. You can't make it in the big city.
Actually Mike I am from the Chicago suburbs which might be worse than Ohio! And I've bypassed Lincoln Park for Gold Coast. And I drive a BMW not a Jetta. Good guesses though!
This is tough. If it were me I'd probably just stop paying. Yes it will ruin my credit for a great many years (and his). I guess that is just the revenge factor in me, and probably what is inspiring your ex to act the way he does. I think this is why people recommend you don't move in together until marriage. I don't know if that is a fail proof solution, but it's worth thinking of getting two small, separate, affordable places rather than just moving in together. I'm not surprised though given that it now takes two incomes to survive where it used to take one, it seems only natural that dating couples would make the financial decision to cohabitate and save money. Maybe the rules on leases need to be rewritten.
Wow. Ignoring the comments section for a minute, I feel your paid. I've known people who have found themselves in this situation with everyone from their significant others to friends to roommates they found through the web. I had no idea about the laws regarding joint liability in regards to an apartment (or rented house) and even though I have an idea about when it comes to my car, I still don't understand the intricacies of the law. I'm not stupid or willfully ignorant of the law - I have a bachelor's degree that just happens to NOT be in law. I can read the document but that doesn't mean I understand the whole thing. Thankfully, I had the support of my parents who HAD dealt with this before and my Dad agreed it would be better to have him co-sign on my loan than my (at the time) fiance.
I can't even imagine how frustrating it is to have someone refuse to compromise! And as tempting as @Miles's suggestion is...is it worth it in the long run? I think you did the right thing by involving a mediator since you were unable to resolve this on your own. I wish you the best as you move forward on this!
When I was in law school, I briefly lived with a boyfriend during a summer job. He kicked me out one morning, then called to tell me his car broke down and he would need a ride to and from his job for a couple of days, so could I stay until his car was fixed? I did, because it was just pathetic, but then I left and didn't speak to him again for months. Co-habitating is hard. Especially if the parties are young, and dumb, as they often are, and egos get involved.
Instead of focusing on what I had done professionally in the past, I focused on what I wanted to do in the future. More...
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