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Katya Zorina is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Katya Zorina and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
I love sarcasm. I think it makes conversation more fun and engaging and allows you to get the “mean” points across without actually being mean. It’s almost like a diluting substance for honesty, making it easier to swallow. In spite of this exuberant analogy, I have been very reluctant to give up sarcasm as part of my professional interaction.
It’s tough. I’m too honest and this always gets me into trouble.
It took me ages to develop my sarcastic personality and now I have to put it aside and think about how I want to be remembered. Do I really want to be the person to “tell” you that your perception of reality has no realistic foundation? Well, yes. But only if you are my friend and I know that you will come up with a witty come-back to shut me up. In my opinion, work calls for something different. Like “empty” sarcasm. It’s not honesty; it’s empty, humorous statements that sound sarcastic. I am yet to develop this skill.
This brings me to my second point, which is: How do you know when you are sacrificing tact under the pretext of honesty?
For example, I was at the Revolution Cafe last Sunday, listening to classical music and sipping on wine like a true adult (OK, OK. It was iced tea). All of a sudden this monkey-like creature stumbles his way to my table and asks me: “Are there any cute people in this city?” What does this even mean? Should I take offense? I’m cute! These were my thoughts as he continued to insult me while repeatedly making a point that, at least, he was honest. Indeed, he was. Honest and tactless.
So I thought to myself, would it be better if he tried to be sarcastic about it? Not really, because sometimes honesty is only valuable within one’s own realm. Others don’t need to hear, nor do they care about, your opinion about every little aspect of life. Just like you don’t care that I think your salmon-colored shirt is actually pink…
Some notes to self:
1. Keep brutal sarcasm to a confined circle of close, trusted friends. I also think that it’s socially acceptable to practice sarcasm with people that are rude to you.
2. When networking, be genuine and honest, but not sarcastic. At least not until you really get to know the person. Test your waters first, because everyone has a different threshold for the acceptable depth of professional/social interaction.
3. Don’t think that honesty is always a good thing. Sometimes a white lie, or an awkward silence, is your best friend.
Sarcasm is dangerous and you have (absolutely have to) to know how to use it. There are some people out there who overestimate their abilities. You know them, you met them, I am sure. But there are others who just know, it’s natural for them or it’s a very well learned skill. Sarcasm is great when you are in a power play situation or with a having a lovely chat with a favorite frenemy of yours. It’s also great with friends, and here I agree with you, they know you and they can say something back.
Love your blog! :)
Katya, I am also very sarcastic. It comes naturally for me but I've also learned over time how to incorporate tact and realize that some people are pretty clueless and/or gullible to sarcasm.
In business and personal relationships I think this is important to recognize. Sometimes sarcasm is a bit edgy and can be a personal jab. As much as I enjoy my wit and sarcasm, I also appreciate treating others as you would want to be treated. So while still remaining authentic, I try to mix it up and save the serious, harsh sarcasm for my close group of friends or at least those I know who are on the same level.
Grace, I absolutely agree with you. Some people take conversations at face value and don't catch the subtleties of occasional sarcasm. Because communication and understand is so important in a professional environment, I believe that sarcasm in the work place should be kept to a minimum and only with people that you know will get it.
Vera, I like your comment about sarcasm with frenemies. Interesting point!
Honesty is critical to the success of most relationships, in the workplace or otherwise. I don't think the choice is either brutal honesty/sarcasm or non-expression. Both are often an easy way out and neither is productive. Self-awareness, communication skills and empathy are the key to a third alternative, the art of honest expression.
"Too honest" often describes not just honesty but a negativity or sarcasm. Ironic humor, satire and sarcasm are not the same thing. Humor, wit and irony are important to me, life-enriching. However, I often resort or descend into sarcasm. When feeling the urge to be blunt or sarcastic can we be present in order to not just react and so that we can consider our motives? Is my motive to solve a problem -- for whose benefit? Am I saying this to take a superior position, to retaliate or even to hurt someone?
If you're intelligent, articulate and witty, then brusque candor or sarcasm is an easy knee-jerk response. The art of honest expression takes effort and presence.
Candor delivered with self-awareness, empathy and trustworthy motives -- perhaps with a dose of ironic humor -- is more likely to be accepted and productive for all concerned.
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