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Posted On 04.14.09

smartness-envy

I am across-the-board average by all accounts, so I used to seriously envy the smart kids. Why smartness? Because I became convinced early on that having great body parts doesn’t translate into long-lasting success in the real world. Adding to the delusion, I was TV-schooled during the Dawson’s Creek, Popular and Felicity era. The general take-away was that looks were only worth celebrating when it played supplement to a brooding yet brilliant mind.

So you can imagine my seizure when I discovered in the real world, intelligence held only a fleeting chance at success when challenged by obstacles such as luck, to-die-for connections, good looks (gasp!), passion, and most importantly, a great personality. Needless to say, this was hugely disappointing, since half of my brilliant high school graduating year had gone on to study computer engineering, and most of them possessed little, if any of the above. It was also hugely disappointing for me, since it robbed me one of the only things that I could consistently blame Mother Nature for: shortage of brain power.

The thing was, stepping into university, and subsequently the real world, put Relativity Theory to test, for real. Once the bubble wraps burst, what was deemed brilliant when I was eighteen was not much when placed against the myriad of talents out there. People had all kinds of stuff going on for them, and very few of those could be quantified by an entrance average or a percentile ranking. It began to make sense after a while, since we do not robotically assign people scores we meet based on their understanding of quantum mechanics or their ability to recite and analyze Paradise Lost in iambic pentameter. What seemed to get brownie points were one’s ability to tell or take (preferably) a self-deprecating joke, to have some kind of special talent that was driven by passion versus competitiveness (bragging about piano grades and Taekwondo belt level were not cool), and if they have ever tasted the humbleness pie.

Now in the latter leg of my 20s, I am not envious of anyone anymore, least of all the smarty pants from high school. From what I’ve seen, God (or whoever it is up there), is pretty fair. What we are not endowed in one area, is most likely made up by something else. To be wildly talented in one part of your life may very well cripple the many other areas that scream for attention. Maybe somebody’s going to create the next Google or design the next Mac, but so what, if he cannot carry on a conversation with the opposite gender or someone outside of his zip code? By the way, if you are one of those guys, it’s ok – Bill Gates got through it, so will you. If you’ve got the personality of Leno but little skills to back it up, there are plenty of jobs out there that will pay you to schmooze and get other people to like you. If you are all-around average like me, it’s ok too. It just means that you won’t require date coaching, or regular AA attendance to dial your life back to sanity.

In short, each one of us is unique, and everything is the way it is for a good reason. So save the envy, there’s no need.

picture source: =BaltazarArt

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Comments

04.14.09

"I am across-the-board average by all accounts"

Are you from Lake Woebegone MN?

"Lake Woebegone, where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average,"

Dana
04.15.09

Sigh, what a magical place Woebegone MN must be!

04.15.09

I guess your point is for people to feel adequate of who they are, not who they could become - stop feeling envious of your imaginary future self - I find this difficult to achieve because it's hard to feel content of who you are now.

I think people's perception of themselves are largely relative. Envy will always exist if you are surrounded by a group of people who are above your league (beauty, finance, intelligence, etc.) I was surrounded by academic geniuses and it made my life miserable, so I moved away and met new people and now I am no longer miserable. So it's not so much the fact that I stopped feeling envious, I just changed my environment.

Dana
04.15.09

What I'm trying to say is that each of us is endowed with a different combination of skills and qualities that can't be replicated. What's lacking in one area is more often than not made up somewhere else, even if we don't see it.

And intelligence, finance, beauty, whatever it may be, does not solve all our problems or markedly improve our lives, or at least not as much as we expect.

04.15.09
Dana
04.15.09

Oops for missing the reference. Not unlike Pleasantville, minus the ignorance and add ego?

Miles
04.15.09

I can't stand Garrison Keillor's voice.

I think as Gen Y we have a tough time admitting we are average at anything, so I'm impressed with your honesty Dana. It's so true in the real world intelligence only gets you so far (unfortunately?) and luck, good looks, connections, and social skills can oftentimes get you much further. There's also something to being in your late 20s and starting to get SOME perspective from age. I did well in school but the older I get, I wonder if I'm also not as smart as I once thought. I suppose I had always figured I was above-average intelligence. And as far as the general population is concerned, that may still be true. But as far as professionals in a white collar world are concerned, I may not be as far above average as I once thought. And intelligence, as said earlier, will only get you so far.

Dana
04.15.09

I think an honest assessment of ourselves is a good place to start, in terms of figuring out who we are and where we should apply ourselves. Then we can find something that puts our particular set of skills to use in the best way possible.

Thank you for adding to the discussion, appreciate it.

Barbara Saunders
04.15.09

There's another side to envy. I am always disappointed when I see, in a workplace situation, obvious bullying against people who are envied. Hate to say it, but the most common example I see is older women treating young women horribly. I endured it when I was in my 20s, before I knew what was going on. Now that I'm in my 40s, it kills me to see the way some women 10-15 years my senior belittle those who are 10-15 years my junior. I sincerely hope I don't do it myself unconsciously ...

I also see a lot of dismissal of innovative ideas from subordinates with words like, "Oh, well everybody's not so smart as you, so we couldn't possibly ..." Typically the idea being dismissed has nothing to do with being "smart" at all; the comment is a pure put down.

And finally, I will never forget my experience as a new graduate. Hiring managers and others would sometimes literally look me up and down and say things like, "You went to Stanford. They rejected me." End of potential there. That's envy, too.

Dana
04.15.09

It is true isn't it? All that politicking at work, particularly among women? I don't want to generalize/psychoanalyze here, but I think youth can also be an extremely threatening thing, particularly to women that are on the verge of losing it and are less than content about their personal lives?

Same with having a prestigious degree that people may be envious of, thus shutting you down without weighing the substance of what you say. The same with one's wealth, looks, etc. Envy really knows no bounds. Maybe that's why it's considered a sin for many religions.

04.15.09

I totally agree with Barbara. I remember that some of my supervisors have treated me quite terribly because I am young, and for some reason have always been the youngest in every job situation I've ever had (Fate likes to throw me to the dogs).

I agree, that we have to work up our strengths. Part of your not being envious is that you grow up, and learn eventually to deal with who you are and what you're good at. it's the best part of getting older...

04.15.09

I think growing up has a lot to do with it. Life is fair in that we are all endowed with a particular combination of attributes that others may be envious of, and we are each presented with our own set of very real challenges. End of the day, been born with smarts or looks or money is still relatively easy, living a good life is harder.

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