How I Failed At Networking

I have been there before...I've been attending events in a totally new industry for me and had a rocky start. I ended making one contact who I would then send a note to beforehand "Hey there, I'll see you at Event on Friday, right? Wasn't there someone you wanted me to meet?" He almost always has many people already to introduce me to, and I've managed to get by.

At Ryan's suggestion, I attended a tweetup in my area, without knowing anyone. I'm normally a terribly shy person anyway, but I decided to give it a try. I went alone. I approached a group of people, found the person who was maybe a slight outlier, and just introduced myself. We got into the whole "what do you do" conversation, and just went from there. I enjoyed meeting new people and making connections.
I took my sister with me to the next one, and had an even better and easier time. It just takes a "hello" to get things moving.

Thanks for you comments, everyone! I definitely will be gutsier next time.

@Ryan - Yes, that is exactly my plan once things settle down at work. He actually commented on my original blog post on my blog, so the post turned out to be an introduction...the social media way :-).

I'm an extrovert, and I've still struggled at networking events if I don't know anyone there. It can be really hard to walk up to someone and say "so, uh, are you part of the networking event?" and try to start a conversation from there.

I've found it helps if I know what I'm going there to do, and have my 2-line introduction at the ready. It can't just be "I'm going to go and meet people" it has to be "I'm trying to meet people who would be interested in hiring me as a writer" or "I'm here to advertise my new massage practice." Then when people ask, you know what to say.

Also, remember that everyone else is there to network, too. Chances are if you walk up to them and just ask if they're there for the event, they'll at least shake your hand and ask what you do. Then you can take it from there.

I'm right there with JRandom42. I'd rather be doing ANYTHING else rather than dealing with other people.

The only thing that has seemed to help me, is doing something else while meeting people. Going somewhere ONLY to meet people is excruciating to me. Instead I need to go somewhere to do something ELSE, and happen to meet people along the way. This takes the pressure off.

For example, I met my wife while playing pool at a bar. Now, I'm a very introverted guy. I didn't regularly date until I was about 25 (and I hope everyone realizes how difficult that is for me to admit). I found a neighborhood bar/club where I could go and order a pitcher of beer and play pool.

That was why I was there. To drink beer and play pool. I could talk to people at the bar, while I waited for my turn to play pool. I could meat women.... while I waited for my turn to play pool. I could make friends..... while I waited for my turn to play pool. I could wait for the perfect song to ask my future wife to dance... while I waited for my turn to play pool.

Having something else to do was my 'out'. Of no one wanted to talk to me, then I could always just go back to playing pool. Because, hey, I wasn’t there to pick up chicks... I was there to play pool. It made the possibility of rejection less painful, even though I didn't get rejected very often.

Soooo.. here is my point. If you find it hard to network with people, pretend you are there for something else. You are there to drink, or listen to the music, or play pool, or meeting someone else (good point Irina!).

Then you have an 'out' that will help you to approach someone else. If they are busy or aren't interested in you... well it doesn't matter, because they aren't why you are there!

Yeah, it's a mind game you play with yourself, but it worked for me.

I've been married for 14 years.

I was once invited to a launch of a new product because I was interviewing for a position there. My seemingly simple request to bring a friend was denied. Awkward! The only people I managed to network with were those also applying for the job. It was horrific and I can't believe I survived.

I'm all about coffee and conversation. I think Ryan's idea is right on. Also, the more you think about it, the more you will over think it, so just say hello, and introduce yourself. I generally look for people who are expressive, who appear open to conversation, not someone who looks as uncomfortable as myself.

I absolutely love this post- I haven't had to do a lot of networking but I'd like to and I can totally relate to these fears. Great tips!