Brazen careerist
Where ambitious young professionals connect and grow
Email
Print
"So, are you married yet?" asked an older woman who appeared to be in her mid 60's. A long lost relative that I've never seen or heard about before. From what I knew, which was absolutely nothing about her, she was a complete stranger. "No," I happily replied. "Do you have a boyfriend?" she asked. "Uh, nope. No boyfriend either." "Oh" said the woman, as her voice suddenly grew deep with disappointment and confusion. "Well, that's alright. I guess, things are different these days. Let's keep in touch, dear. It's a shame that the family only sees one another at funerals. Hopefully next time will be your wedding!" she exclaimed, as she grabbed me and gave me a big hug and then walked away.
Yes - I'm twenty six years old. And no, I do not have a boyfriend. Which means most likely, I'm not getting married anytime in the near distant future.
There’s a group on Facebook I recently joined titled, ‘All my friends are getting married. I’m just getting drunk.’ In my high school graduating class of 2000, and my college graduating class of 2004, Facebook tells me a size-able percentage of these kids are in long term relationships, are married (or will be soon), and have kids (or will be having them). I seriously question whether this is a matter of their being more grown-up than me, or whether I’m complacent in just being perpetually single as the old woman who will literally live in her shoes. (And damn nice ones, might I add).
So while many of my friends out there are getting married, there are a few other adventures I want to have before I start on the "Big One." Even if it means that I’m that token friend at weddings - you know, the drunk one with the Peter Pan Complex.
I want to start my career and make some money so that I can save up for my dream wedding at a castle like I always imagined it. Travel the world. And last but not importantly, to live on my own without any attachments. I think that everybody should be acquainted with not only the real world (the actual real world, not the TV show) and especially themselves. Because if you don't know who YOU really are, then most likely somebody else isn't going to either.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the people who marry young are going to get divorced. Or are idiots. But I do think it's just a factor of when you meet the right person. Some people meet them very young. And some meet them later in life. There's nothing wrong with either one. But just make sure they are "The one" and not "The next one."
So for the meantime, don't worry so much when you're "That guy/ girl" at your best friend's wedding who decided to go solo. Because most likely, everybody there who's married is going to envy you.
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles,
subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
- The Anti-Stalker’s Guide for Converting Online Contact into Real World Collaboration
- How To Find a Writing Partner Who Can Help You Achieve Your Goals and Make More Money
- A New Kind of Business Mover and Shaker
- Why You Might Be Better Off Without a Job After College
- Continuing Education: Extending Learning Beyond Your Campus Years
Comments
04.08.09
Well, now, let me tell you ... this is about the most positive and forward thinking post that I've read in a very long time. I'm not a young'un like yourself but right now I am feeling very much younger than you (or make that a whole lot less wise). I've been struggling with the alone factor for about 10 years now (following a 24 year marriage and a 3 year freedom gap) and this post helps me put the seemingly lonely future in a new light.
Thanks for the spirit lift!
Char
04.08.09
Good post--I wrote a post a few days ago on a similar topic. I'm also 26, most of my friends are getting married, but the idea still seems so foreign to me--I feel less able to commit now then when I was 16. You almost feel as though there is something wrong with you aren't able to interested in talking about diamond clarity or putting a downpayment on a house. I've decided to embrace my independent lifestyle for a few more years, enjoying the pursuit of personal interests and self-absorbtion until I hit 30, and can re-evaluate priorities then.
04.08.09
I like this thinking. Even though I'm a very committed relationship (If living together qualifies it as that), I know we aren't getting married anytime soon, but all of our friends are. I won't lie, its a struggle hearing about all the fun planning details, but I also know my time will come.
04.08.09
26 is REALLY young to have any type of complex about marriage, so don't even worry about it! I would go as far as to say TOO young to get married!
04.08.09
I didn't get married until I was 29. And I certainly was not considering it until I met my future wife when I was 27.
I think that very few people just decide to get married in general, and then start looking. I think that mostly, people meet someone, and then decide to marry that person. SO if you meet the right person you'll want to marry them.
In the meantime, you have a very positive outlook on life!
04.08.09
I totally think you're on the right track no matter what anyone says. Almost all of my close friends are not planning on getting married anytime soon or having any babies and they call me the circus freak because I am. I don't envy their free lifestyle but I totally understand that marriage does not define you or your social status anymore than your title at work. It can all be considered superficial. Marriage is serious business and should not be taken lightly so I applaud you for being your own woman and deciding that you need more time before the "big one".
04.08.09
Excellent post. I think so often society dictates that we should be married by a certain age, or have kids by a certain age, or buy a house or establish a career or [fill in the blank]. Personally, I think it's healthy to take things at your own pace, society be damned! I'm 28, single, never been married, and no kids... however, I have a successful career, and I bought my own house two years ago. I'm happy and independent. And if I find a man that can keep up, well sure, maybe I'll consider marriage. In the meantime, I don't mind being the single drunk one at my friends' weddings... there's bound to be a single groomsmen or two as well!
04.08.09
Essentially it is a trade off for people between marriage and other things.
However, I think most people still do it because that is the traditional thing, thats what our parents did.
However there are quite a few people waiting longer because they want to travel, start a career, be financially stable.
That is all fine, and we have our own preferences, it is a matter of balance and what works best for you and please don't settle for less or compromise your values or beliefs just to please someone.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
04.08.09
When my husband and I got married, we both were in our mid-30s. Both of us had a variety of life experiences and knew what and who we were--and were not--looking for. If others reach that point at a younger age, good for them. But that's them, not us, and not you (or maybe next week it will be you, but we're not in next week yet).
I suspect you'll find, as I did, that weddings come in waves (followed by waves of babies). I would have a period of 2-3 years in which lots of my friends got married. Then there would be a break, and then there would be another set of weddings.
Don't worry about most of your friends getting married right now. You probably haven't even met most of your friends yet.
04.08.09
This is very refreshing to read. I often feel that marriage and child birth are seen as the only routes to happiness. And while I have many beautiful and amazing friends choosing this route, and who are very happy, I appreciate an alternative view that validated my happiness too!
04.08.09
My family started asking me at age 15 if I had a boyfriend. Now that I'm 25 and have one, they have started hounding me about when I'm going to get married. My grandma actually gets on the phone and says, "Hello. You better hurry and get married because I don't have that many years left." This is a direct quote!
You need to just forget about what your family members/friends/others think. The only person who needs to be satisfied with your life choices is you.
04.08.09
I think the real trick is to remember not to ask these questions when you are the older relative or acquaintance. One of my mother's cousins once said to me, "Even if you never get married, you should have children." How old was I when she said this? Twenty-two.
Similarly, keep in mind that the bouquet toss needs to go the way of the dodo. Trust me, that activity loses its charm! We didn't have it at our wedding--and not only did no one mention that they were disappointed by its omission, but many of my single friends just said, "Thank you."
04.08.09
@The Office Newb: Your grandma should thank you for not having kids. Chances are that her waiting for a grandchild is extending her life!
Studies have shown that people tend to pass away after certain milestones have been reached, ie, birthday's, last christmas holidays with the family, and birth of grandchildren.
04.08.09
I agree with your post so much, especially the end. I could say that I'm not married at 29 because I'm more interested in my career, or travel, or independence, or or or. And while those are all valid things to want to accomplish in your young life, there is nothing that says that any of them are unrealistic goals once you are married. In fact, for many of them, the experience can be heightened when you have someone to share them with.
The part I most agree with is that you get married when you meet the person WORTH marrying. For some folks they meet that person when they are 5 on the swings, 15 by the lockers, 19 in English 101, 21 at the bar, 24 at the office, 26 at a wedding, 31 at a baptism, I could go on but I'm sure you get the point.
My basic theory is that when I find someone worth marrying then I'll move onto that phase of life. Til then, I might as well make the most of my single life and do the things that make me happy and I enjoy. I'm not "not married" because I'm so enthralled doing all this stuff, but doing all this other stuff cause it enthralls me.
04.08.09
Elisa, I like your attitude about this! I liked my life before I was married, and I like it better now. But that's because of who I married, not just because I'm married.
Have the life experiences you want. If, in the course of that, you find the person with whom you want to share those experiences, great! If not, you're already having the life you want.
04.08.09
@Scott M
She already has 2 great-grandchildren. Apparently she is just holding out for me to round out the group. Which is great, because if your stats are true, she'll live another 10 years!
04.08.09
Great post Jen!
I remember recoiling in horror as I heard another one of my highschool mates bite the dust. It set off a bit of a panic for about an hour.
I'm almost 27, and perfectly happy at the moment. Like you, I want to do much more before i settle down. People always want things they don't have, so we may as well enjoy whatever phase of life we're in whether it's single, married or divorced.
Keep up the good work!
04.08.09
You're right. Marriage is too big a deal for someone to rush into it haphazardly. Some people meet their future spouse when they're 18 and others don't until they're 35. Either way, it's most important to do what's right for you.
04.08.09
I was nearly engaged at age 24 and looking back, I’m sooo glad I didn’t pop the question! Not that I didn’t love the girl or didn’t think I was ready, but because now that I’m a bit older and wiser, I am no longer looking thru love sick goggles and can see clearly. I can clearly see that I was not ready to take the big plunge, despite the fact that I thought I was.
It’s a huge step and a step I only plan on taking once. But for now, I’m still getting to know myself - my own needs, wants, likes, dislikes. So I’m content dating around and until I find that one girl that makes me deliriously happy, I will keep on dating.
And like you, while many of my friends are getting married, I'll be getting drunk...at their wedding.
04.10.09
It's interesting that I found this today, as I will be a groomsman in my sister's wedding tomorrow. For the record, I'm 33 and never married. She's younger than I am (30). Most of the people we went to high school with are now married (including all of her bridesmaids, unfortunately).
Sometimes I feel like I'm the Last Bachelor out there and will always remain as such since I haven't had much luck at all with women over the course of my life. I have a decent job, my own house, and a car, but I can't seem to meet any women that stay interested in me for long. If there's a first date, there usually isn't a second one. This is the one part of my life that I can't seem to get right for some reason.
I'm trying to get into a festive mood for the wedding tomorrow, but I'm having a hard time getting motivated. Sounds like I need to take a look at that Facebook group, since I will most likely be getting drunk at the reception tomorrow. I'll be the only single groomsman surrounded by couples, and I'm not sure I like that. Still, there's nothing I can do about it at this point, so I'm going to try to enjoy it as best as I can.
Why am I posting this? Well, I figured it would be better to bitch about it online than do it at the reception tomorrow and ruin my sister's perfect day by being a whiny bitch. Don't get me wrong; I'm not looking to get married any time soon, but I am tired of being alone all the time.
04.12.09
Snicker. I like your title/corresponding Facebook group - it's definitely weird for me to see my high school acquaintance on Facebook with new last names and wedding pictures. I'm 23 and am in a relationship but that does not mean I'm even thinking about marriage. I think so many women don't want a marriage - they want a wedding. The times they have a changed and women don't need to get married to be happy and successful! So don't let anyone tell you what to do - in the end you need to know what's right for yourself.
04.15.09
"Why aren't you married yet?"
"My wife hasn't been born."
04.18.09
I am 27 and still single, I had relationships before that did not last. I wonder if that so called "Big Day" would ever come.I have been through weddings and parties some of my relatives would ask when will i be married I said I don't have anyone to plan marriage with.I have cousins who married at an early age with 1 kid and after a year they divorce.. Hahahaha
I love my single life, i can do whatever I want any time..I still want to travel and achieve more in my life. I want to buy my own house someday and see the other side of the world. I have somehow felt lonliness too.I also have troubles getting ineterested with men and dating.. I think I need more time to see what i really want in my life.. So what if i choose singleness??? I would love to get drunk in my friends weddings!!!Cheers!
12.16.09
Jen Kucsak, you know what this comes from the heart, who cares, it's all good, you're fine, this world is cruel, but it's fair, I know. I feel the same way, but i know, itsw all right. i don;t know how. I am verhy drunk right now. you dont;= believe me but i know i know.
12.12.10
It's all about finding the right person - no matter how old you are...20, 27, 30, or 50. As long as you don't settle...
If you are the married person at a wedding and envy the single people - something's wrong.
You can still get drunk and have fun at weddings - single or not.
Got Something To Say?
Got Something To Say?
Not a Member? Brazen Careerist is a career management tool for next-generation professionals. Set up a free account today to comment on this post and start sharing your ideas. Learn more.
Login to view your networks!
 |
 |
|
|
 |
