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This post isn’t about if you like your job. So please don’t write in the comments that you love your job and your boss so you would never burn bridges. Obviously.
People burn bridges when they don’t like their jobs and their bosses. Or work with totally lame people or are completely bored. So you get fired, or laid off, or there comes a time when your job just isn’t what it used to be so you leave.
You shouldn’t just walk out. You should give notice and finish your projects and be polite (if for no other reason than your own sense of pride and accomplishment). But there’s no point in continuing a negative relationship once you’re out the door. The advice to not burn bridges is outdated.
Here’s why it’s okay to cut ties:
1) You’ll change careers too often for it to matter.
Most likely, you’ll change jobs six to eight times before you’re thirty and 40 million people relocate each year, while 15 million make significant moves of more than 50 or 100 miles, reports Richard Florida.
The old rule was that workers would move to another job in the same industry in the same town. This encouraged politics and the necessity of kissing butt. But work is changing, and now you’ll change careers and locations so often it won’t matter.
2) Your old boss won’t help you.
“Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, are formed on the basis of give and take,” LaTosha Johnson argues. It’s rare that someone will help you if you can’t help them. And besides, you won’t benefit from forcing a relationship with someone that doesn’t share your values. When push comes to shove, these people will not help you. Why would you want to be associated with them anyway?
3) You won’t need a reference.
If you’re leaving your job, you’ll probably be looking for a new job that is more fun and more challenging. Most cool jobs don’t require traditional references. Instead, they require that you know someone to get you in the door and vouch for you. That’s usually never your current employer.
It’s quite easy to prove yourself and your work ethic in other situations like blogging, volunteering or side projects that show your worth and capability. Networking outside of your career and company is a great path towards success and is your best safety net.
4) You can have an enemy (or two).
But probably not more. Caitlin McCabe says that competition is motivation. Having competition and people that remind you of who you don’t want to be is actually healthy.
In a playful but entirely useful article, Chuck Klosterman argues for both a nemesis and an archenemy: “We measure ourselves against our nemeses, and we long to destroy our archenemies. Nemeses and archenemies are the catalysts for everything.”
5) You can start over.
Whenever you start something new, ask yourself, “If the worst happened, would you be okay? Can you accept the worst case scenario? Can you fail and survive?” Because you might just ruin your reputation, bankrupt your organization and turn an entire city against you. It happens to good people every day. Really.
Failure is an option. And it’s your best negotiating tool. That is, the ability to start over gives you unlimited opportunities.
None of these reasons excuse you from doing a superior job or give you an excuse to be a dick or a slacker. But there’s no reason to hold onto baggage that isn’t healthy. Remember, there’s a reason you’re leaving.
Blazing victory.
I agree. I wouldn't call it "burning bridges" though. That implies that you are just walking out without giving proper notice. Which as you pointed out, is bad.
One this to keep in mind is that your old co-workers can make valuable connections somewhere down the line in your career. Maybe someday I'll have something to sell that they'll want to buy. So maybe instead of cutting ties all together you want to think about keeping loose ties.
This is the one thing I actually use LinkedIn for. It's a good way to keep in contact with people I used to work with, without putting in too much effort.
People's definitions of "burning bridges" are different, and I think this makes sense because how people are offended happens in different ways.
Weak ties are important, but I'd venture to say you keep weak ties with people that you don't feel one way or the other about, which is different than what I'm talking about above. Thanks for the comment!
I agree that sometimes the relationships just isn't worth the effort. I would still say do this only in those extreme situations. In the end no connection is truly a bad one, you never know what something could lead to one day. But if it really does suck don't worry to much about getting out.
Rebecca, I believe you completely misunderstood my post. When I wrote the post, “Don’t you’re your bridges, “I was coming from the viewpoint that you shouldn’t use people. If you’re only coming around when you need me to help you—that’s not what I consider a relationship (personal or professional) and I will never tolerate this type of behavior. I expect to be treated with respect and if you’re only coming around when you need something then I don’t need you.
This may come as a shocker to you, but I completely agree with your post. As far as my statement, “Healthy relationships, whether personal or professional, are formed on the basis of give and take,” is true. I don’t know about you, but I’m not into having people use me (personally or professionally). FYI—I only form relationships with those who share my interests and values (this is just common sense so I really didn’t think that I needed to clarify this point but I guess it couldn’t hurt to remind people in case they don’t). Again, I was coming from a totally different angle than what you are referring too. In no way shape or form would I ever tell someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship (personal or professional) or hold their tongue back when they are being demeaned. However, if you treat people with respect in the first place, you could have avoided this whole unnecessary scenario.
I am a very vocal and direct person so believe me I have, had, and will continue to have my share of enemies and that is entirely okay with me. My dignity and self respect mean more to me than anything else in this world. So again in no way shape or form am I advocating kissing anyone’s butt (I would never tell anyone to do something I would NEVER do myself). This is very evident in my older blogposts “Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace” and “How to Speak Your Peace” and you will see that I am not the meek and lowly employee type that allows people to walk over them—I have plenty of people, former coworkers and bosses that can vouch for me.
As you stated in your comment, people’s perceptions of burning bridges are different and I was coming from a totally different angle. My take on “Don’t burn your bridges” is one of respect other people and don’t use them, not the “kiss my butt” so you can go farther in life. Trust me—these lips would never do such a thing!
@ Jared - Right on. It's the sucky situations I'm talking about. Although I don't agree with holding on to negative or even neutral relationships if they take energy just because they "might" end up somewhere someday. I think it's better to focus on positive relationships and count on those to move you forward.
@ LaTosha - I didn’t misunderstand your post. I simply used a quote to illustrate one of my points, not the whole thing ; ) I love that you’re so vocal and that you would never kiss butt - I totally appreciate that type of person and wish I could be more like that.
@Rebecca, burning bridges really isn't the failure to maintain weak ties. There may be different definitions, but that's creating a situation that is defined so broadly as to be meaningless.
What might one say instead of "burning bridges"? Phrases that come to mind include "poisoning the well" or "scorched earth policy." That's not the same as "not keeping in touch."
Burning bridges means that you can't go back--at least, not without a lot of effort that will probably cost more than it would have to leave on a good note.
And since so many people are relocating, it's always possible that you'll re-encounter your old boss/colleague in another job. You may not have to work for them again, but you may have to work with them.
@ Kate - I disagree. For one old boss I had, not keeping in touch was the definition of poisoning the well. It would take a lot of effort to mend such a relationship if you wanted. It just depends on how you define your relationships and what offends you. Interesting that you think you may run into someone in a different location - I can totally see that happening, although rare. Good point.
Hey Rebecca-
Interesting post. My initial gut reaction is that you can't please everyone all the time--so of course, you are going to have people in the world with whom you don't get along. Like you point out in item #4--it is okay to have an enemy or two. But I look at enemies through a completely different lens.
One of my favorite books is "The Art of Happiness" by the Dalai Lama. He suggests that "enemies" (negative relationships, as you say) are the only people in life who can teach you patience. The Dalai Lama asks us to consider what we can learn from these people. Remember that old saying "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?" It's there for a reason: you can extract positive benefits from the negativity.
It is curious, then, that you advise your readers to "cut ties" with these people. It might be conventional wisdom not to burn bridges and I know you have consistently encouraged readers to "disrupt" "interrupt" or go against the grain of convention. But there are good reasons that those conventions were generated in the first place. Then again, I'm a historian, so I'm apt to strain to see the lessons in history rather than ignore them.
As this post pertains to how we treat our enemies, I think you've hit the bulls-eye on the wrong target. We should be aiming at learning from those around us, not turning our backs on them.
Thanks for sharing-
Andrew Stuhl
@Rebecca, you're not burning that bridge. The old boss is.
@ Andy - I totally agree, so I'm sorry that message didn't come through on my post. When I quoted Klosterman that "Nemeses and archenemies are the catalysts for everything,” I believe that. You should totally use enemies as a jumping board to learn from. Thanks for helping me clarify this!
@ Kate - Ah, but he doesn't perceive it that way... and because I know that I'm complicit in the burning as well :)
I just wanted to make sure because I didn’t want people thinking that I was advocating kissing butt is the way to get ahead in life. Had I not known the person who made this comment (me), it would have left me with the impression that they were advocating “kissing butt,” which in my book is not cool. I forgot to mention that this was a great post and find it is refreshing to encounter those who subscribe to the speak your peace and forget let the chips fall where they may type of mentality. Life is too short to spend it with people who insist on holding you back.
@Rebecca, there are two things going on in that sentence. First of all, you really don't have any control over how he perceives it. So all you can do is try to anticipate how you will handle the topic if it comes up in another setting. You only have control over your actions, after all--and if the old boss has that approach, you're not the first person to learn about it.
Secondly, if your role in the "burning" is the cessation of contact, that's not really being complicit; that's practically self-defense. If your role is something more active, then in the future you might think about what those actions achieved. Did anything change as a result of your actions? If not, what was the point?
I would agree with previous commenters that this does not fit the typical idea of what most people would consider burning bridges.
Terminology aside, you're right on that there's no need to maintain relationships that no longer serve you. Relationships are sort of like a garden. You've got to remove the weeds once in a while.
@ LaTosha - I totally understand - I often feel misquoted too :) I'm glad you enjoyed the post!
@ Kate - Hm, you're giving me a lot to think about. I guess I don't agree that an issue is just one person. Problems and bridge-burning always involve both people, so I'm not willing to say that it was all him. Maybe that wasn't your point, but either way I feel confident in the decisions I've made and that it was the right thing to do.
@ Brian - Great analogy, thanks for sharing!
@Rebecca, I didn't say it was all him. I said to consider what parts of it are your responsibility and which ones aren't--and to think about whether your actions benefit you or others. Quite different from your summary of my words.
@ Kate - Got it. As I mentioned, I thought I may have misunderstood.
Here's the biggest problem I have with discarding relationships and contacts: In an extraordinarily fluid job market and career fields, you'll never know who you'll wind up working for or with.
An example from my own career: I was the ISO 9002documentation and implementation specialist with a Fortune 100 company. My boss, an up and coming manager on the fast track, took an instant dislike to me, did everything to control and derail my career. I "had charater issues", and my 15 years of doing this work, and managing others in this area, barely qualified me to be an entry level clerk. At one point, I told him to fire me, stating that if he's right, I will destroy everything he was working to achieve. But he wanted to keep me on to "teach me how to overcome my character and personality flaws." After 3 years of acrimonious fighting over personal and techinical issues, I was "let go for my own good."
Fast forward two years. I found a new position with a smaller company and quickly rose to Director of Technolgy. When we put subcontracts out for bids for some higly technical work for a contract we received from a foriegn government, I was intrigued when my former company had submitted a bid for the work. Since this foreign government placed a high value of ISO 9002 compliance, we were required to do an on-site technical and documentation survey of their processes and procedures. I think my old boss was a little surprised to see me leading the survey team. We spent over 3 months going over all their records and documentation, which had never been updated or maintained since I left. In a meeting after the survey, we detailed to upper management all the deliquencies and deficiencies we had discovered, and that by our contract, we were required to report all this to the contractor and to the Defense Department, who was their biggest customer. Needless to say, we awarded the $15 million contract to another bidder who was much more comprehensive and thorough in their documentation. I also had the satisfaction of seeing my old boss put on the spot to explain the deficiencies we noted (which I had noted long before), and why no corrective actions were taken. Last I heard, he had been assigned to a facility in western Georgia, to take over "Special Projects", normally a career graveyard for this company.
And this is why you NEVER should burn any bridges, unless you can be sure you'll never see or deal with that person or organization again.
That's a great example, @JRandom42, and it nicely shows how the boss can burn bridges. So often that's presented as if only the employee can burn them, but that just isn't the case.
My example: I worked in a toxic environment for six years. Why so long? Because I was working to get a specific promotion, and to have specific experiences, and then it took me a while to find a job.
When I left, I made sure that I treated my boss better than she treated me. Although I was working on a number of projects that were nowhere near completion, I made sure that I got each of them to definable milestones at stages that did not require immediate action from our department. I left a detailed summary of each project, what had been done, and what the next steps and contacts should be. I wrote her a letter in which I said that I had learned a lot from her.
And I had. I'd learned a lot about what not to do. Very valuable.
I went on to a much better job and work environment, where rewards were based on performance rather than favoritism. I learned a lot there, too, although this time I got to learn what to do instead of what not to do.
After a few years, I had a family crisis. The old boss offered me my job back, so that I could be closer to my family. (I said thank you, but I wasn't able to make that kind of a decision right then. And that was true; I was able to make very few decisions at that point. It really was a crisis.)
Clearly I had not burned bridges. Clearly she didn't realize that she had.
I have also worked in some toxic environments with toxic people. I consider those bridges burned because I would not want to go back and work with the same group of people given their high levels of radioactive toxicity. Anything is possible - I could see any one of them again. I would absolutely not seek to put myself back into a negative situation.
I want to address the point that "Most cool jobs don't require traditional references." I work for a "cool job" that "doesn't require traditional references", but just because we don't require tradiitonal references doesn't mean we don't check on a person's work history at all. For instance, if a person who applies to my company happens to have worked for XYZ Company and I have a good professional relationship with two XYZ Company managers and used to work with an admin at XYZ Company, I am going to call my contacts and ask about you - and if you've burned bridges then I'll know about it and I will consider it in moving forward. While you may have a contact in my company, I may have contacts at your old company and I will weigh all information available. This type of interaction happens all the time in business - I used to work in a specialized industry, I can't count how many times I've been asked off the record about former coworkers - some of whom were my bosses at the time who probably never thought that their future ability to get a job might partially rest on what I've said about them.
Now, I don't think your definition of burned brigdges in this post is the traditional definition - letting contact lapse is not burining bridges (no matter what your former boss says), quitting without notice, sending a horrible resignation letter, talking crap about your former employer, boss or coworkers is.
@The Real Anonymous
I hear you loud and clear - but what I actually hear is fear. I don't think people should walk on thin ice for the rest of their lives because they had a bad boss or worked in a toxic environment. People shouldn't be afraid of some vindictive recruiter that can't understand that people actually can have bad bosses or work in extremely difficult or dispassionate jobs. I think that recruiters and managers from other generations believe that you should stick out a job no matter how much it sucks. I just don't agree with that.
@Keith, that's a closed door. It's not necessarily a burned bridge.
@ Keith
I think you're mistaken about hearing fear and I think you're wrong about recruiters and managers thinking people should stick it out, in fact I think it's laughable that you think Gen Y is the first generation to have to deal with bad bosses and bad work situations.
People shouldn't have to walk on thin ice for the rest of their lives, I know this as well as anyone. The last job I left was a nightmare after the board pushed out the manager that hired me and installed an incompetent a-hole - I started looking for a job ASAP and I left without looking back, and without continuing contact, but I didn't burn bridges, I didn't give them any reason to think that I did less than a stellar job, I passed on all the information I had and I refrained from telling them how I really felt (but it was really hard not to.) And THAT is the difference between cutting contact and making decisions in your best interest and buring bridges. How you leave a job says as much about you as how you worked there does.
Don't mistake leaving a job on a civil note with being afraid of doing what's best for you.
I had a friend who left a toxic job environment (where she had worked for almost a decade), tried to start her own business, and went back to the job market. She applied for a "cool" job at a climbing gear shop where she would be a buyer and her last hurdle was a reference. All that reference needed to say was that she didn't delight in kicking puppies or light cat's tails on fire.
And she didn't have that reference because of the situation that she described above. I had worked at the same company as her (different department) and we had been in some climbing training classes together. As a result, I was a passable reference for her. All that I had tell the hiring person was the she wasn't a pscyhopath and she got the job. And I will get tons of discounted climbing gear in the future :)
It's a small world, formers bosses become suppliers and buyers (as Jrandom and Katenonymous said), certain industries are insular, and some towns are small. I keep in touch with all my old bosses, even the one that screwed me over. I could have burned the bridge with him but I didn't.
Now I work at the same company again as the boss who screwed me over (different division). We get along well and he's a big supporter because he knows that he screwed me over, felt bad about it, and still tries to make it up to me. He's a strong ally now in a senior position.
The work rules may change but some things don't really change that much.
"I think it's laughable that you think Gen Y is the first generation to have to deal with bad bosses and bad work situations."
You know, @The Real Anonymous, there was a time when I thought I was the first person to deal with a bad boss. Of course, I was a teenager at the time. And looking back on it, he may have been less of a jerk than I was.
That doesn't mean I'm dismissing the ability of people younger than I am to know when an environment is truly toxic. But I agree with you that there is a difference between leaving on a civil note and being afraid of repercussions.
But I also think that I am more free to talk about how bad that boss was now, largely because since that job I have amassed other work experience. If the subject comes up, my work history and my performance record show that I have the ability and experience to place that particular job in the appropriate context; I'm not just badmouthing a situation that didn't meet my expectations.
And beyond that, the subject rarely comes up. While interviewers have asked "Why did you leave?" they have never asked, "Was your boss a jerk?"
I can see the need for not maintaining toxic relationships, but at least in the areas I work in, and plan on continuing to work in, it would be very unwise to burn an bridge or close any door no matter how many careers I might have over my lifetime. Especially as toxic situations tend to come and go as the toxic people come and go. To maintain a relationship with an organization is still quite possible while closing the door on a relationship with a certain individual in that organization is more easily accomplished.
Sometimes I think that some posters on Brazen Careerist are more interested in being provocative than in giving good advice, and this is a good example of that.
This is, simply put, horrible advice. People won't help you unless you can help them? Hardly true across the board. You won't need a reference for a cool job? So often not true, as others have pointed out.
I love the idea of a site like BC where people who are newish to the work world can learn from their peers. But dispensing bad advice in areas you don't have expertise is isn't doing anyone a service.
I've been in HR for 15 years in 3 different industries, and I've yet to come across a company that didn't require references, "cool" or not. Where is your information coming from?
Toxic relationships should end when you leave a job of course, but maintaining ties with those you did not have a toxic relationship with is simply networking. (unless you hated everyone in the workplace, in which I would probably suggest the problem was you) You never know when a former co-worker or boss is going to pop up in the middle of your wonderful career and give you a positive (or negative) push forward.
The title of the post is just wrong, but it doesn't match what you say further.
First, "there’s no point in continuing a negative relationship once you’re out the door," but then, "advice to not burn bridges is outdated," disagree.
Not continuing a relationship is NOT "burning bridges." There's a big difference between not communicating with an ex-boss or ex-co-workers, and telling them off and being a jerk.
But I think you know that, because you say "don't be a dick."
If all you're talking about is not maintaining relationships with ex-co-workers, that's fine, yes, you don't need to do that, but it's not "burning bridges."
I agree with Ask a Manager, it sounds like the intent was to be inflammatory more than anything.
Great post and long overdue advice. I've had more bad bosses than I can shake a stick at...or hit, but when I would leave, either for a new job, or due to a lay off, I was never honest about the reason I was leaving, or why I thought the organization, or boss sucked. Even when I thought that sharing my opinion might help the company in the long run, I kept quiet because of the old adage - don't burn your bridges. Turns out that I never had to go back across any of those bridges anyway. I was so unhappy with the company and management, I never dared ask them for a reference, and in fact, never spoke to them again. It takes nerve to be really honest with an employer, and these days in this economy, I'm afraid honesty will take even more nerve than ever.
Huh?? No. This is not a matter of definition. Burning bridges suggests being inappropriate in your departure - things like walking out without giving reasonable notice, being disrespectful and petty. Stuff like that. It's wrong under any condition. Don't do it.
Giving honest, constructive feedback is rarely a bad thing. Be mature. Be courageous. Be well-intentioned. Be professional.
"Giving honest, constructive feedback is rarely a bad thing."
Sure it is. If you're talking about exit interviews, it's best to skip them entirely, responding with a polite "I don't have anything to add."
See http://www.asktheheadhunter.com/haexit.htm for why. You owe the company nothing, and nothing you can say in the exit interview can help you at all.
This is terrible advice for Gen Y. People just starting out in their lives should build relationships, build their book of contacts, which includes past clients and bosses. Even if you have a "bad" boss, there's no reason to speak negatively to them. It will accomplish nothing other than to "burn the bridge."
While we're young now and finding another job is easy, eventually we do need to start building good relationships for references both for new jobs and for new business. The older you get, the more you start realizing how interconnected your relationships can be. You soon realize that everyone worth knowing knows everyone you want to know.
I find this post interesting.
I happen to be inclined to agree with many of the posters who have stated that lapse of contact does not equal burning bridges. Burning bridges is more like leaving your job on a bad note, not finishing projects, etc.
As to the comment regarding relationships...I am inclined to think that in this day and age, people seem to think that it's all about give and take. In other words, they will help people if they get something in return. But you can't just stay in touch with people when it's convenient for you. In other words, you have to build relationships. You can't just keep business cards and then only email or call when you need a favor, reference, job lead, etc. You have to stay in touch more regularly. Otherwise, the other person will not only not remember you but also feel used.
Case in point: today, I was in NYC all day waiting to pick up my sister's visa. I camped out at a store virtually all day. I overheard this very loud girl talking to another girl. The other girl and I started talking and decided to go to lunch. The loud girl tagged along and remained loud. She was younger than the two of us and kept interrupting us to talk rather than listen.
I hate to say this, but she was the embodiment of the negative stereotype of Gen Y. She kept talking on and on about being an NYU grad and her Master's in early childhood education. I never once acted superior to her with having my law degree. She then put me down for what school I had gone to. She is clearly very lost, has absolutely no focus or idea what she wants to do other than make money. No joke, she kept using the phrase "I hear you can make a lot of money doing x."
The other girl and I kept trying to offer advice and tell her don't go into jobs just for the money. This girl simply would not or maybe could not listen. She knows an alum from my law school and when I asked for the person's name, she wouldn't give it. But then she had the nerve to ask me if she can forward her resume to me so I can look at it. She has a paralegal certificate and is trying to land a job as a paralegal. I am a litigation paralegal with an ABA-approved paralegal certificate.
Now, I'm nice and said sure but on reflection, why should I make the effort? She wasn't willing to give me the name of the alum from my law school. In fact, throughout the entire conversation, the other girl and I were offering helpful advice and she wasn't offering anything in return other than "can I tell you something" and going on about money and basically arguing with us or discarding everything we said. She was rude, lacked interpersonal skills, lacked social awareness, and basically, unprofessional even after working for a couple of years.
She went to NYU and paid 40k per year for her education but somehow never learned basics of professionalism including having a professional email address. I'm tempted to refer her to this site. I think the articles here are excellent for young professionals entering the workforce or in my case, returning to the workforce.
While I usually enjoy what you have to say, I agree that this is misguided advice, if not completely wrong. Having had a boss at one time who has mentally unstable (i.e. bipolar without meds), I went through some serious shit without losing my cool very much. I left to pursue other things, on good terms. I didn't go out of my way to maintain the relationship, but I also didn't badmouth him or anything else. After a few years, I went through a lot of issues and flat-out needed the job. I was able to come back, no problem. Even with a higher salary.
And funny enough, while he was still crazy, I was able to see that a lot of the problems with him that I had was due to my immaturity at the time, and not anything he did.
Another classic post where the poster (in true Penelope Trunk fashion) decides to state some poorly researched drivel in an attempt to increase their blog traffic... which only serves to erode their reputation.
This is quite common on BC and almost as entertaining as P's Yahoo column at times. Ok, maybe not that entertaining.
I do love my job and would never burn this bridge. However I have worked places where I've hated my job and I still didn't burn that bridge. In fact, I can still call up my old boss (from 10 years ago) and get a reference or a referral.
While it's true that a personal reference may get you in the door, most companies will still check your professional references (if they don't they may be putting themselves at risk).
The world is shrinking and if you burn a bridge, it can come back to haunt you.
I disagree with some of the comments here that you should only maintain relationships with those who share your values. I'm not saying that you should hang out with serial killers; but there is definitely growth that can occur when you allow yourself to be in the sometimes uncomfortable position of speaking with someone who doesn't agree with you.
My extended family has very different views on social issues that I do. There are times when I'm tired and not up to the "discussions" with my family, but there are other times when I truly value those discussions/arguments. I think it opens my eyes to what other people think and helps me to better understand and articulate my point of view. The same is true of work relationships. If you only work with those who you get along with really well, you don't grow nearly as much as you do when finding ways to work with those people who take more effort.
I have a previous boss that I did not like working for, but we've kept in contact because I know that learning to work with her helped me grow; and she is well connected and could very well help to get another job some day. We will all face personality conflicts and difficulty at work but that doesn't change the fact that we still have to work together to get the job done. The advice to just toss out previous work relationships seems a bit too flippant to me.
Burning bridges is short-sighted and foolish.
It's true that you may never need a reference. It's true that you may change careers and never run into the people you've left behind. It's true that your old boss may not help you.
But..you could need that reference, you could run into people you've left behind, your boss may be able to help you out.
Unless the job was very short-term for you, you spent time cultivating relationships and building your good will. Why throw that away?
This is not good advice and I think it's coming from a misguided interpretation of what "burning bridges" means. Its not that complicated or fluid, this is not romance literature 101 where you can argue that there are multiple conflicting meanings.
It is simply taking a specific and destructive action (like burning) to break a relationship.
It doesn't mean the normal degradation of relationships because you didn't remain best buds with your old work contacts.
And "the cool jobs?" seriously? What are the "cool" jobs? Just using that phrase to me demonstrates a lack of understanding about the real, very rewarding jobs out there, which I might add at the outset look pretty bland, old fashioned and "uncool."
Rebecca, the inference that suggesting not burning bridges is bad career advice is misdirected. Perhaps more qualification could have helped convey your thoughts?
Being effective at relationships implies being skilled not only at starting and maintaining them, but also knowing when and how to end them. Even if you are unfortunate enough to be in a job where you are not satisfied for any reason or working with a difficult boss/peers, how you break a relationship really matters.
If the intent of your article was to suggest that you can take the initiative to break bad relationships to help yourself and the other people (they are likely to be grateful you saved them the anxiety of initiating the end of your relationship,) it pays to do so respectfully, to be courteous and to be grateful for the positive aspects of your experience. Frankly, people will remember you the most for the way you end the relationship.
When you suggest professionals are likely to change jobs six to eight times before they are thirty, you are not referring to professional jobs -- you hardly build career traction there. You cannot afford to burn bridges in professional jobs.
That references are not needed, and demonstrating work ethic by blogging/side projects / volunteering is perhaps wrong. Any bit of recruiting experience will suggest that only previous bosses or peers can provide credible validations of your work ethic. A good recruiter will always check with previous employers and ask for references. Even with blogs, side projects and volunteering, any smart recruiter measures a candidate entirely by the impact he/she has had on the beneficiaries. The only method to do this: references. The burden of proving job-worthy lies with a candidate. And this burden starts with transitioning out of jobs considerately. Just getting in the door doesn't help get a job.
Your observation that previous bosses will not help you is wide of the mark. Previous bosses and peers always are the only ones that can confirm your aptitudes and your impact on the organization. Even in tough job markets such as this, I have seen bosses who've terminated employees reaching out to their personal and professional networks to secure jobs for their former employees.
Rebecca, I think that in maybe 5 years, maybe 8-10 years time (or maybe even a lot sooner!), you’re going to look back at your post and say “Damn! What on earth was I thinking???”
Ah, it's lovely to see such fresh faces on the interweb. So young, yet so naive. Let me give some advice not laced with bullshit. It applies to life and career.
Always be a pro. The world is full of amateurs. You must always conduct yourself with dignity and professionalism as references, both personal and professional, are always needed.
While I usually enjoy what you have to say, I agree that this is misguided advice, if not completely wrong. Having had a boss at one time who has mentally unstable (i.e. bipolar without meds), I went through some serious shit without losing my cool very much. I left to pursue other things, on good terms. I didn't go out of my way to maintain the relationship, but I also didn't badmouth him or anything else. After a few years, I went through a lot of issues and flat-out needed the job. I was able to come back, no problem. Even with a higher salary.
And funny enough, while he was still crazy, I was able to see that a lot of the problems with him that I had was due to my immaturity at the time, and not anything he did
awesome...excellent tips..thank for sharing the good information like this..
stop dreaming start action
Great information. I think it's very useful. I appreciate it.
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After running a recruitment agency I can tell you that many people regret either walking out on a job and then finding that some really great cv comes along the next week that they really want. They feel that the can't apply in and in most cases the recruitment consultant wouldn't take them back anyway! That's what I call really burning your bridges!
I saw on many occassions the temps that kept their head down, then progressing and even to becoming the staff that hire or manage the temps! These days I run a Jobsite in New Zealand which incidentally is one of the most P.C. (politically correct) which is actually a very very good thing. People do look before they leap and do consider the altneratives - its with interest that New Zealand is the third most desirable place to live in world.
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