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Right now, I live in San Antonio. Been here for about seven months and can’t say that it’s been the most exciting time of my life. I can say that it’s been a very therapeutic time for me. Not too long ago, I realized that everywhere I’ve lived has served a different purpose for me, acted as a sort of theme, if you will. I was born and raised in St. Louis, which served as the framework for my understanding of the world. In Chicago, I really grew into my own. Became more of that which I already was. I moved to New York and really began to understand my work ethic. If I care, I’m all in. If I don’t, I’m pretty much out. The second time I was in Chicago was the most broke and probably depressing time of my life. I realized that I needed to make some changes. When I moved to California, I began to make some of those changes. Insights about my family structure of my childhood, or the lack thereof, became clear to me. Shortly thereafter, I moved to Philadelphia and the overarching theme of that period was love. L-O-V-E. As is the case with many relationships, my beau at the time served as a mirror for me, allowing me to see myself as I was and decide which changes I wanted to make. My time in Texas has been very introspective. Not a lot of activity, but necessarily so. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to grow the way I have in this time if I were in a city that really had my attention. So, yes, I’ve been ’stranded’ on the West side of San Antonio, but I’m better because of my relatively dull evenings and weekends indoors.
Operating with the understanding of why I’m in Texas, in terms of the larger theme of healing, has been incredibly helpful. I no longer hate being here or think I made a mistake in moving here. Very often, we condemn parts of our lives because we don’t understand their purposes. Everything can be used. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Meaning is never inherent; it’s always created. Find the value in the experiences you’ve had and the experiences you’re having right now. If you haven’t done this already, it will change the way you understand your world.
Find the good.
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Comments
04.07.09
This was an excellent post! I used to hate the times I was alone because it forced me to come to terms with my own issues (insecurity was a big one) and to stop running from them. However, the thing I feared the most (being alone) is what has truly brought me the most happiness because it has allowed me the opportunity to work on issues and challenge myself to be a better person. We all need alone time in order to grow.
04.07.09
I can totally relate to this post. I felt the same way when I lived in Charlotte. I actually just got a new job that allowed me to move back to Atlanta (HALLELUJAH! lol), but for real I look back at my experiences in Charlotte and I'm glad I had them. Hang in there and keep looking for the silver lining.
04.07.09
This is so relevant. Not only in terms of actual location, but in terms of things that happen to you. If you lose your job or don't get into the graduate program you applied for. Those are the times to take a moment and re-evaluate what purpose those things might serve. Keep looking for the silver lining indeed!
04.07.09
San Antonio is my favorite part of Texas. And yes, I have lived in Austin. So why San Antonio? For starters, it's a big city with a tighter community feel. Of all of the places I've lived, it's the one that does the best job of embracing its diversity--which doesn't mean it's a multicultural paradise, but does mean that there's more awareness and acceptance than some other places. Plus it's a city that loves to party. There are lots of city-wide celebrations.
But like any other place, it's not for everyone, and maybe it isn't for you. (Ultimately I decided that it isn't for me, either; too hot in the summer, and too far from a coast.) I do like the way you're looking at this time, though. Not all of life is what we want it to be--but there's something to be learned from every experience.
04.07.09
Personally, I hated Texas, all of it, but especially Kendelton, where a speed trap netted me 6 days in jail, because I "didn't look American enough to wear the uniform of our great country."
It took the senior JAG at Ft Hood and the US Attorney in Houston to get me released. Ft Hood and Killeen deserve their place as the 5th Circle of Hell. Let's just say they didn't welcome non-Caucasian, non-Hispanic soldiers with open arms and leave it at that.
Left Texas for Ft. Wainwright Alaska, and have never been back in over 3 decades.
As for places for introspection, perhaps the best place for me was Vicenza, Italy.
04.07.09
@LaTosha, alone time is integral to growth. We all need both intimacy and solitude. No man is an island, but we're constantly needing to take ourselves out of the crowd.
@Kiersten, always looking for the silver lining! Finding the good and being inspired to create more. :)
@Mehnaz, this is completely applicable to how you look at life as a whole, not simply physical location. Location in life is something we should always try to gauge, I think. It's a force of habit for me. I thrive off meaning.
@KateNonymous, you're absolutely right about life not always being what we want it to be. It's easiest to accept things for what they are than curse them for not being what you want them to be. If you're in the desert, do you get mad at the rock because you want water? San Antonio is definitely not for me. I need major city, not just big city. Efficient transportation systems that don't exclusively involve individual car ownership. Panoramic skylines. Haha. I've accepted San An for what it is and what it isn't. I'm appreciative of my time here. I haven't dealt with the full blown summer though. Any suggestions, aside from stay indoors? ;)
04.07.09
@Leandra, the first summer is the worst. After that, it's just hot. :) If you have a group of friends and the ability to take a day trip, tubing on the Guadalupe River is a great way to cool off in July and August.
But right now you should be in the middle of wildflower season, which I think is one of the prettiest times of year just about anywhere.
04.07.09
Awesome post, Leandra - very relevant!!
I grew up in St. Louis, too (Toasted rav, Ted Drewes, the Loop?? Lol.)! Currently live in NYC. Can totally relate :)
04.07.09
I love this post. I think place is so important and I like how you've tied it back to what you've learned. I know someone who doesn't like Madison all that much, but I agree that there's a time (place!) for everything.
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