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I guess it’s pretty common for people to be getting married or engaged, left and right, in their mid-to-late twenties. I guess it makes sense.
Still, I find myself surprised, almost shocked, when I hear about another one “biting the dust.”
And so, this past week, between time with my dog, I began to notice the role of “the ring.”
It started with our dinner out, which included two friends who have recently made the big commitment and got engaged. The minute they sat down at the table, it was all about the ring. People wanted to see it, people wanted to hear about it. And then I found myself noticing it. Not my style, but pretty understandable — a typical, large diamond.
The theme seemed to continue, as I noticed other married couples and their rings. He’s got the simple, thin, gold band. She’s got the elaborate set of diamonds wrapping around her finger.
Just recently, another friend posted pictures of her newly gifted engagement ring on Facebook — a picture of the ring on her finger, a picture of the ring in its box, a picture of the ring on a small pillow.
And then there is the “counterculture” couple. The one whose wedding I attended only months ago. We met them for lunch and their fingers were ring-less. I am not surprised. I get it. I admire it.
I’ve never felt the desire to get married. Mostly, this makes sense considering the experience I had with my parents’ divorce. But it goes deeper than that. The ceremony, the institution of marriage, has never appealed to me. I never saw myself in a white dress, walking down the aisle. I never thought about how he might propose, or where I would want to spend my honeymoon. And I still don’t, even now, even after finding someone who I can imagine spending the rest of my life with.
Yet, the ring. The ring is the only thing that makes any sense to me. Not necessarily the diamond, or the band of diamonds, but the symbolic presence of it, the romantic significance of it. It’s something that I get, something that I have imagined. We all interpret it so differently.
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Comments
03.27.09
I always wondered what the big fascination with rings was too. If you care about someone what does it matter that you have some metal and highly compressed carbon on your finger? From what I've surmised it's a big measuring stick for women who care about such things.
I could see how someone who doesn't care about that type of thing could feel weird about that. Historically we've been taught to care about that.
03.27.09
Thanks for your comment, Yhippa. You're right -- we have been taught, in the past, (and, without doubt, in the present, too) to care about material objects as representation of something deeper. I do believe that is what the ring is, for most people, for most women. In a sense, it is very Sex and the City of us (for lack of a better phrase) -- have the right shoes, have the right purse with the right label prominently displayed and, more importantly, get that beautiful diamond wedding ring!
It seems, to me, to be the exact opposite of what "marriage" should be. In the end, marriage comes down to the size of the ceremony, the size of the ring, and not the bond or union of the two people.
It's all rather depressing and, although totally understandable in our culture, I find it rather disgusting (Just don't mention this to my friends with big wedding rings!)
03.27.09
People like shiny metal things.
Crows like shiny things too.
From the perspective of a 20-year member of a "counter-culture" (apparently) marriage.
It is is fascinating to see the seemingly inevitable cultural progress of ones youth as a small ripple of change that fades out in a couple decades.
Someone once criticized my generation as "...always dressed in anticipation of a 5 mile hike." I thought of this as progress, to leave behind the conspicuous consumption (Veblen) of impractical dress, like the binding the feet of young girls in medieval cultures. But I was wrong. Practicality and simplicity is counter-culture and always will be. Culture _is_ conspicuous consumption, demonstrating to other members of society that you can afford to waste. Like stotting for gazelles.
Enjoy!
03.27.09
While being married has been beneficial to me in my careers, the ring itself has been a bone of contention amongst safety experts for decades. Anyone who works around high electrical current or with moving machinery must be able to take off their rings. There are far too many old technicians and machinists who are missing their ring fingers because of this.
Many wives who question their husbands' ability to take off their rings (as a possible prelude to cheating) are cured of such when meeting with old technicians and machinists as well as current OSHA safety videos.
03.28.09
I see your point. The tradition of the ceremony is merely that, and something that to a lot of us seems a little irrelevant and in some cases unnecessary. The ring however is a symbol. Symbols through time have always been significant and necessary culturally as part of linguistics and sort of boost to the words if you will.
it makes more sense to use the ring as a symbol than to bother with a wedding which is symbol of anything it is merely a tradition which may have symbolic acts within, depending on your cultuE.
A ring historically represents eternity, worn on that particular finger because the Ancient Egyptians believed the vein of that finger directly traveled from the heart.
I agree, it is the only thing that makes sense.
03.28.09
Interesting post. I think about marriage a lot and sometimes wonder if I'll ever get married - not in the pathetic, "Where oh where is my Prince Charming?" sense, but more in the sense of weighing the pros and cons.
One of the reasons I have such a hard time with it is because the definition of marriage is slowly changing from what our parents and grandparents thought of it as.
If ever get married, I won't be making a promise to God. Nor will I be under the false assumption that it's forever. If I ever get married, it will be as a symbol of my and my partner's commitment to each other at that moment in time and for the foreseeable future.
For our generation, the idea of a wedding is slowly changing so it doesn't have to mean a priceless white dress or reception costing tens of thousands of dollars. We're facing sizable resistance from our families as we do it, but I don't think it will be long before weddings become symbols too and less of an ordeal.
03.29.09
Check this link:
http://www.diamondwholesalecorporation.com/TheHistoryoftheEngagementRing...
It would seem we are all the victims of an ad campaign coupled with some Hollywood glamour.
03.31.09
I think that the engagement ring ads are just a way to create a race among men. Its reinforcing the provider mentality in men making them believe that money is the most important part of the dating.
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