Great post. I know I would never want to inflict my financial situation on my partner, and I hope he would never do the same to me. I'm all about clean slates and being responsible.

I strongly agree with your message. I do also believe that it takes two to tango and simply because a man is financially stable and is motivated to succeed in these days and times is just not enough. There is a lot of emphasis on the woman to look for a financially stable man. The fact remains that a lot of marriages get into trouble because the man is great with money, but the woman still spends money as fast as their husband (or she, herself) can make it, even if she understands basic personal finance. A lot of people are this way: they've heard all the info, then they nod their heads and continue to spend. Men also need to have somewhat higher standards when it comes to sharing financial viewpoints. It's fine if the man is the bread-winner, but the woman needs to play her part as a money manager as well. Simply staying below budget is just asking for mediocrity. I know that you mentioned this on your post too, but I felt that their should be more emphasis on this part, no?

Overall I think this is a great post. No matter what anyone says marriage IS a business contract, as well as a legal one and an emotional one tumbled into one. BOTH people need to bring something to the table.

Having seen several women marry only for money, and the moneyed lifestyle, and then seeing their husbands literally control, harass, intimidate and terrorize them, my mother observed,

"Any woman who marries for money, ends up earning every cent of it."

@ KateNonymous: Good point about the open communication. Lack of communication seems to be the underlying problem for a lot of financial misunderstanding.

I'm not sure it's usually as clear-cut as "one person is lazy and one person is driven." That makes a lot of assumptions about what may simply be differing priorities--and often those priorities may differ but still be complementary.

This is why communication is so important.

I second Rebecca's comment about smart women making their money first. I think, this article is less about women "marrying for money" but like attracting like.

If you are an ambitious, financially-savvy (or trying to be...for me this is a process) then it only makes sense that you will want to marry a like-minded man. And, it seems like such men want the same in their partner. I know my ambitious boyfriend would be turned off by a woman without any career goals just as I would not see a future with a financially irresponsible man.

Whereas I've always been less concerned about ambition or total financial assets than a wide range of characteristics, including (but not at all limited to) the following:

ability to be self-supporting
kindness
intelligence
thoughtfulness
honesty
integrity
community-focused

These can go along with ambition, or they may not. But to me they're more important.

I believe there is a difference between being financially-sound and being rich. Sure, it doesn't attract me when someone is spending all their money and has no eye on the future. But, there are also things more important to me than what someone's paycheck says (probably because I am more interested in meaningful work than a large paycheck).

I liked this post a lot. I think you were able to tackle an interesting issue and put a new spin on it. Thanks for writing it!

Andrew, IMO, no that isnt the only reason people should get married. But again, this is my personal view. Love is GREAT, but the reality is that there are men and women all over this country getting divorced at a rate of 60% with the major reason being money.

I think there's a difference between a checkered past and someone who has blazed a trail of financial chaos. The latter is not something I am willing to take a chance with as it speaks more to your character than anything else.

I do believe that as others have mentioned that ambition and compatibility matter, however, I think one thing that should be added is the person's financial compatibility and willingness to learn from their mistakes moving forward. It's easy to say that we should only marry for love but reality hits once the honeymoon is over.

Thanks Kate and I agree that communication is key. However, I still hold true that even with all those things in place, I would not take a chance on a man that has led a life of financial destruction with no real clear intent on fixing it. Even if he was in the clear and wanted to make some changes, before touching him, I'd need to make sure that he is really making moves in this area.

I personally do not want to mingle my credit with someone who trashed theirs and has no intentions of repairing it. This affects me in future around purchasing a home, auto loans and background checks. I've worked really hard to get where I am in life and to have his messy background screw with my future, I can't chance it. I know my limits and this is one of them.

My point really lies in making sure that besides the other requisites, ie love, passion, similar goals, compatibility etc that we are also asking questions about how men manage their finances. Again, financial compatibility is just one of MANY standards I ask women to take into consideration.

One more thing, this is not about gold digging or only looking a man in terms of his networth. Whether he makes, 20k-40k-60k-100k, I need you to look at how he's managed his money and what that could mean for your futures.

Yah right! LOL Ive met my fair share of men who talk a good game and they weren't doing anything about it. We can talk about clear communication all night but the truth is ACTION determines whether or not he's making the necessary changes long term.

I think you're making this more complicated than it really is as I never said anything about being RICH. I dont care how much the man makes or his position in his career, but women should be concerned if he doesnt know how to manage his money and seemingly has no interest in doing so.

As a life coach and therapist I often find that women are too often willing to look over this important aspect of a relationship and they run back crying as if the red flags werent there from the beginning. It's easy to say that we want love, compatibility, shared values etc etc because most of the time we get them. But it's even harder to hold someone's feet to the fire and make sure they won't screw you over in a few years leaving behind a trail of closed accounts and maxed out credit cards.

That's my point. And you could mean anyone, you included :-)

TheFieryOne thought I was going to be a doctor when she married me. Literally two months later, I changed directions totally to be an entrepreneur (she knew of my entrepreneurial tendencies, but thought they were old news). She wouldn't have it. So we compromised with me going corporate, investing in more business education, and making steady paychecks for at least the first 15 to 20 years of marriage. It wasn't my first choice, but it was my second, and I'm happy with our compromise.

In short, my career direction has been a HUGE issue in our lives. I always thought it was MY career direction. But it's not since TFO plans on staying home once we have kids. So as much as I want to agree with Andrew, I have to say that Keida-Ann's finances-first approach might not be a bad way to go, depending on your goals. And it would probably kick a lot of young people's career-choosing-and-starting process into gear faster. That might not be a bad thing either.

@Kate

I'll take preumptuous :-) But you know it's the truth. It's easy to say we want the more romanticized aspects of a relationship instead of thinking about the one thing that is the leading cause of divorce in this country. Finances.

I agree with this post, though I have never been married, past experiences have taught me that not being on the same page with a significant other financially and with other core values is a big deal. And can mean the detriment of the relationship.

I think along the same lines as Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, take divorce off of the table and make your marriage work (or just keep this in mind if you're still single like me). This is easier to do if you are on the same page financially.

I think it's presumptuous for you to assume you know what my husband and I have or have not discussed, particularly when your assumptions are wrong. What you call "romanticized" I call "focusing on one's partner and his or her values, and building a strong bedrock for your relationship."

You say, "Keep in mind that people and situations change over time. You may meet someone and everything looks good on the surface based on what they tell you, but actions are the only way to tell you of their values are inline with yours."

Here's a question: what if people do change? What if the person you (generic you) marry genuinely believes that he or she wants a particular career, and then finds out it makes them miserable? Did you marry the person, who may change, or the image of the person?

So I still maintain that in a huge number of cases, it's not really the finances. It's the ongoing communication about the finances--or the lack thereof.

Kate,

I make no assumptions, but stating the facts based on my own experiences. I don't know heads nor tail about your relationship. Obviously. You're making this way too personal on your end. If the shoe doesn't fit then don't wear it.

However, I speak to every woman who either has a partner or is contemplating one for a long term relationship. If none of the above applies to you or you don't agree with it, that is fine.

My post and opinions on the subject only quantify your relationship if you want it to, otherwise take this as another debate where we maintain our own perspectives.

I still maintain that in many relationships, women romanticize certain aspects so that they don't have to ask the hard questions. Be it talking about finances or how the person actually manages their money, it comes back to the same issue-women making smart decisions around who they choose for a life partner, in this case, how your partner manages or plans to manage their finances.

I have to agree with Keida-Ann. Too many women become so captivated by being in love, getting the candy & card treatament that the overlook the elephant in the room when it comes one of the most important aspect of the relationship...how will we handle our money...how good are you at handling your money...what is your creit/debt history? I think this happens because we are concerned about scaring our paramour. Marriage is a partnership and every partnership has the element of business...as women we tend to be more romantic and avoid the harder issues of the relationship such as asking financial questions and using the answers as one of the measurement of the relationship's potential. If you dont, you'll end up with that oversight growing teeth in the future..it will bite you where the sun doesn't shine. Great post!!

"Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? "

Hooray! You can say that again, Money give you options, a broke man gives you a headache

*man