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I always imagined myself as King Leonites leading his 300 Spartans or fueling the competitive camaraderie in the Boiler Room. Instead, in my first management position, I might as well been coach Jimmy Dugan on front of his Peaches - I inherited a team of women… older women.
There would be no “rally the troops” speeches. At least, not the kind I used out on the soccer field with the boys. I kicked off my first lunch meeting trying to explain why for the life of me I didn’t order thin crust pizza and how I could possibly forget it was diet coke. Needless to say, I took home the leftovers.
There are obvious differences between the genders. I mean one pees sitting down and the other standing up. Those differences are magnified even more when you throw in a massive age difference. Leading older women is a crash course in management 101. I’ll never understand the female mystique (that seems to transcend generations), but here’s an attempt from a male perspective.
1. Women are very particular, but not in the same way.
Merill hates it when you put her on speaker phone, Jan gets offended if you don’t say good morning, Cindy always has to sit in that particular place in the conference room… These are all the little idiosyncrasies that makes each woman unique. The unique that is never told to you, but somehow expected to be figured out.
The way you communicate and the way you delegate work needs to be changed up to match the woman. There’s no rhyme or reason. You just need to go with the flow to get the job done.
2. Chivalry is an easy way to win points on stressful days
Older women love it! Opening doors, picking stuff up for them, letting them be first in and out of the elevator. It’s easy and it’s free. When month end rolls around things get fast and furious. Taking the time to remember the little things actually goes a long way.
Honestly, I think this concept crosses the generation gap. I know these days we’re all about miss independent, but there’s something about being a gentleman that all women take notice of.
3. Up the charm to up their work load
Ok, this may seem manipulative, but I’ve seen way too many girls use their good looks to get what they want. I have no shame! The best days are when these older ladies get their hair done. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.
“Hey Suzy your hair looks lovely!” talk about it for 2-3 minutes… “Hey, I’ve got this report that needs to get out to corporate…”
Once again, no shame.
4. Gossip is Queen
You have to be political… and sometimes a babysitter. This is probably what I hate the most. Women can be so caddy with each other. From the training bra to menopause it doesn’t really seem to change. Whenever you throw women into the mix you have to seriously manage relationships. I know it goes the same with men, but I strongly believe women are worse.
Learning from the opposite sex takes a lot of time and understanding. It seems for the purpose of streamlining, the default in corporate America is to be a man. We can’t let our gender based differences become an excuse for lazy management. We all need to learn from the opposite sex. Developing your leadership requires understanding of both Mars and Venus. The truth is, women are wired differently and I believe that’s a good thing.
"Women can be so caddy with each other."
So they carry golf clubs for each other? That's nice. :-)
First of all, it's kind Leonidas of Sparta, not Leonites :-)
Secondly, points 1, 2, 3 and 4 apply equally to men.
I don't mean to be scold anyone here, but this article seems to be written for the pre-boomer generation, with boomer terms.
Boiling it down to gender is a simplistic and flawed way of looking at things. If you look at things from a socioeconomic, sociocultural and sociohistorical perspective, you have a better way of understanding your employees.
I am a millenial, and I have been working, full time, for the last 11 years
Are you kidding me? I hope your employer doesn't see this article, since you're going to be yanked out of any management position if they do.
"All women" appreciate chivalry? It doesn't sound like you've been exposed to huge numbers of women. Women want their boss to compliment their hair or looks? That's the last thing I want my boss commenting on, and you're asking for trouble in a lot of companies if you do it. And, uh, it's kind of condescending to think you should use it as "strategy."
This is a ridiculous article that reads like it was written by a naive teenager in his first job. You don't belong in a management position.
Yeesh, did you just get dumped? Sure, your girlfriend/wife wants you to compliment her on what she's wearing. She does not want her boss to notice.
And sure, women are idiosyncratic. So are men.
Thank you for giving some of us women a good laugh this morning, and in just a few paragraphs you have given us a portrait of the end-all and be-all of idiot bosses. (And making a "300" reference is just icing on the cake).
Wow, what a moronic post. Maybe your current employer is happy to deal with your sterotypical view of women, but I'm willing to bet that any possible future employers who google you and see this post will pass on the opportunity to employ someone with such an oudated management style.
Thanks for the giggle. I dearly hope I never work for you, and with an attitude like that - you can be sure you'll never work for me.
Wow, that was absolutely brutal. When I wrote this I wanted to take a light hearted approach with some humor... I seemed to have pissed off a lot of people.
Management is definitely not a "funny" topic. It's a serious matter and should be written in a professional and appropriate manner.
Looking again at my choice of words and examples. It was a poor decision on my part to take the approach that I did. I can't defend myself with words on this site... it really needs to be done in my actions at work.
I think every young manager trying to work their way up needs a good dose of reality. That was provided to me today.
Daniel
Here's an idiosyncrasy for you; I'm not particularly keen on folks holding the door for me unless I'm carrying a ton of stuff. I appreciate that you tried to broach the subject with humor. But you need a fact checker at the very least. "Caddy?" Seriously? Dude.
Seriously. I am SO glad I don't work for you! How immature! It's men like you who keep the workplace in the dark ages and install the glass ceiling.
Hey Daniel Lai,
I cant say that I agree with your post, but I liked it. Mostly because I knew the kind of firestorm it would lead to in the comments section. Blogging is tough, and I am definitely not an expert, but I have noticed that the level of scrutiny is magnified compared to a newspaper article. Since everyone has a voice on the net, any generalizations will inherently leave someone out. That person will make sure that s/he is heard. Personally, I find it amusing how people will find a small off-handed remark like "caddy" and make it a central theme of their argument, while not addressing the central theme. I'm sure that this management experience has been true for you and your solutions to office related problems worked. Everyone else should take it as 1 man's experience. Assume the best: that he isn't dogmatic and that if you worked for him and you didn't like your boss commenting on your hair, that he would catch on and not do it. Having a good boss has a lot to do with being a good direct report yourself. Keep up the good work, a good blog post generates comments. One way to get comments is by controversy. Just know ahead of time what your getting into.
I appreciate those words Sam. My productivity has gone down the tubes today because of this...
Spelling errors aside...I have to agree with you in some of your remarks! I am a Gen X professional woman and would not appreciate my boss complimenting me on my hair, necessarily, but in the conservative, religious-based university where I work, there are literally a hundred women aged 50 and above who would eat that compliment up...and as a result handle your reports, dust your office, and bring you coffee.
That being said, that is THEIR generation and in THIS workplace setting - it would apply. However, if you really want to annoy or insult MOST professional women, keep at those stereotypes. It really depends on the woman (or employee, if the truth be told) and the culture or environment of the business. Here - not an insult. Most everywhere else - an insult. Of course - if you have figured out what works for you, by all means use it, but do so with caution young Skywalker. ;-)
There are no words for how offensive this post is.
!) Recognize that people are individuals.
2) Show your subordinates the courtesy and respect they deserve as human beings.
3) Find ways to cushion the blow of extra work, particularly when they're already overworked.
4) Understand how people interact with and talk about each other.
What do we have here? A list that isn't gender-based and stereotypical, yet covers the same ground.
I'm willing to take your word for it that you were trying to be funny, but you didn't succeed. Humor can be powerful, but it can also be hazardous. Best use it with caution, particularly if you're not entirely sure of your audience's identity.
I've had the same experience as you with older female employees - and I also am female, but not really that old yet. It's a generational thing.
I think this is just good management advice, and while it certainly holds true that you have to manage people differently - and let's be honest, you have to manage genders differently - I would venture to say that a lot of what you put out in your post today easily applies to men as well :)
I am glad your productivity went down the tubes because of this post. Write something like this, and you should expect this reaction in the comments. If you didn't expect it, you shouldn't be blogging. You're so in the dark about how to treat people correctly.
Thanks for sharing your experience in managing older women. I've been wanting to write a post about the differences between men and women in the workplace for a while now but it's such a tough topic to tackle. Some of your points might offend some, yet I understand that you have to do what you have to do to get things done. I imagine any first management position would be very tough. It's probably a good thing you are managing older ladies!
I feel that most of the comments attached to this article have been overly harsh and emotionally triggered - anonymous posters, really if you're going to attack a point, have the courtesy of including at least a name. And to those who took relish in correcting spelling - oh please, how base!
Dan has quite clearly written an article on the realities of his situation-agreed the humour may have been off. Everyone must be treated invidually but to ignore the fact that there are differences between the genders is naive and smacks of the "equality for all" reflex.
Offensive is one thing. But less than useful is another.
How old are these women? What is the nature of the job? Are these 40-year old women all of whom playing fairly important roles running programs? 50-year old women doing clerical work? The category "older women" is too broad. Unfortunately for becoming a good manager, you have to understand these kind of tips for success in at least some kind of context.
I'm not sure which is worse, having these ridiculous opinions or not being smart enough to keep them to yourself. I'll return the favor and give you some advice; don't share this column with any of the senior females in your company.
Ya' know, I was all fired up about responding to this ridiculous blog entry, but so many have done it so spot on, it's unnecessary for me to contribute. Thank you all you typical lady type female lady girls, great job!
Good job douchebag, too bad you don't manage my department where women are treated like equals and not some puzzle you have to figure out.
I wasn’t sure how to react to all this. I know that I wanted to be held accountable for what I put on the Internet. That’s why I responded with both my face and my name. I think the reaction to my writing warrants a response.
The whole day I couldn’t stop thinking – That’s not me. So I want to share my honest thoughts about this topic. I’ll post it on Leading Associates tomorrow morning. Brazen Careerist is welcome to put it up here as well.
This isn’t an attempt to redeem myself. I think the damage is done. I will, however, take the time to respond to each comment and start a dialogue with those wanting one.
Daniel
Daniel,
2 things. You're 1/2 wrong and 100% right.
I like how you've hung in there with your responses and taken this as a learning opportunity - that's 100% right.
The 1/2 wrong part stems from the fact that you TALKED about these issues. Women don't want to admit that they enjoy (what could even be construed as sexual) attention.
But, why would they slather on so much makeup, spend $100/mo on nails, and coif their hair as such, if they didn't want attention for it in their heart. Most women are quite vain at heart. Your article "put a little conviction" on that heart - that was the 1/2 right part.
Signed,
28/F/multi-degreed professional
The fact that so many of these women are blasting you for seeing us as a "puzzle" that requires figuring out is insane. As if men aren't a puzzle for women? As if Asians aren't puzzles to Africans, and Polish puzzles to Brazilians? As if mommy and daddy aren't puzzles to little kids?
It just goes to show that they don't value all of the evidence-based behavioral tools and assessments used to develop communication within teams. Those tools unpuzzle everyone into behavior stereotypes to which other individuals can relate.
You're just putting it in layman's terms. The only place you went wrong was the repetitive use of ALL women, and generalizations that were so encompassing. I'm a woman and think you're correct - but only about MOST women.
So, take everyone else's advice and stop opening doors, giving comments at all, and maintain a monotone presence at all times with women. Oh, and don't lie about how good of a job they have done. Just let them know their performance is satisfactory unless they've actually exceeded your expectations. Do a little test to see how far THAT gets ya - it will make for a good blog post.
I'm not going to jump into the gender issue boat (much) and claim what a sexist statement etc etc etc this article is about since everyone pretty much covered that.
My two cents mostly come from the fact that what he said seemed to be more on "how to manage" on a generational level (in this case old women) as being pointed by a few commenter above me.
While generalisation is usually a bad thing and this doesn't escape that problem, i think it's only fair to say that had the post been written as "How to manage generation Pre Boomer", it might have had slightly less adverse reaction if he said, "lets pamper up these old people and respect them so much till their ego burst etc etc etc."That to me might have soften the 'impact' instead of using gender.
We are supposed to be one of the most tolerant generations and an advocate of freedom of speech blah blah blah freeeeeee but at the same time we persecute people endlessly for having less than tolerant open minded view. Isn't that saying we're open minded but we're not open minded about your ideas?
Let's face it, what he said is not really far from truth.
I'm a woman and I'm all about woman's right, but on a bad day I could see how my gender can be quite triffle as how he said it and if a woman had said it and the title of this article had been "Managing Women: From a Girl's Perspective", you would probably call the author of the article a b*Tch and that's all there is.
Isn't this just the same as saying, "you have to be a XXXX to joke about XXXX otherwise that's racism?"
I have to say overall I'm quite disappointed by the cowardly expression in articulating points of view in the comments.To those bloggers who think calling someone a "douchbag" and wishing someone to get fired is a suitable response - really most pathetic and you should be ashamed.
It would appear that an itchy comment finger was allowed to pull the trigger by a lot of commentators happy to rely on the "sexist" card.
Daniel - I see your point, but it was maybe not delivered so well. That said, I credit you with your measured responses to your detractors!
Hey I think its pretty true about what you wrote, and Im a woman. Though, like mentioned in comments above, its more true about older ladies than say someone in her 30's or below.
Also, if you are chivalrous, it makes them think you are 'well mannered' which counts a lot for women who possibly have children of their own - and they want it in everyone - even other women. Ask me.
About the last point, well women do have certain topics which men can find it difficult to be a part of, but believe me (a person in an all-men environment) men are even more difficult to get into casual conversation with - because the topics are so universal but they want it to be discussed only within their 'peers'. And Male Gossip is very different and very difficult to break into as compared to female gossip - where they will allow you in after a bit.
in reference to the note from Anonymous "So, take everyone else's advice and stop opening doors, giving comments at all, and maintain a monotone presence at all times with women. Oh, and don't lie about how good of a job they have done."
That is just not the point. Courtesy, professionalism, observation and vocalization of a job well done,kindness, good relating skills - aren't these really relevant to ALL PEOPLE? don't they motivate all of us, men or women? The umbrage was taken when the original author made it seem as if tossing a few crumbs to women - esp. older women - in the workplace would get him what he needs from them. That may actually be happening, but don't doubt the women in question sense the insincerity and may be delivering based on THEIR professionalism and protocol standards - not his weak attempts to manipulate their feelings and impressions. The author may be a genius genuine relationship builder, but based on his recommendations here - I seriously doubt it.
I am not a blogger. But I don’t understand how spelling errors are not “central” to an argument about a post. If you’re communicating to your anonymous audience through the written word, correct spelling is one of the only tools you have to command respect. And respect earns you the privilege of readers hearing you out, and separating what is offensive from what might be true. I disagree with the tone of this post, not necessarily the content. Given this situation, impeccable spelling would have kept me from completely discounting your insights along with your condescension. How is that not valuable?
Frith,
I see your point and respect it. But part of the joy of blogging is the "rough and ready" nature of it. There will be typos and spelling mistakes but I don't think they are "central" to an argument, are they?
You're right...spelling goes hand in hand with professionalism. If I picked up a paper and saw a spelling mistake I'd be tempted not to read that paper again. BUT...a blog is not a paper or a Book nor is it meant to be...if I disregarded every blog article with spelling mistakes I would read very little..:)
Daniel, besides offending many readers, your biggest mistake is lumping all women together.
Perhaps Cindy sits in a certain place in the conference room because to sit anywhere else may cause her discomfort. I know that if I sit on one side of our conference room the lighting is bad and it hurts my eyes to try to see the presentation. So I always try to get to meetings early so I can sit where I am comfortable.
You say that Merill hates it when you put her on speaker phone. Of course she does. To put anyone on speaker phone is beyond rude.
And Jan gets offended if you don't say "good morning". Again, it's not a female thing, it's common courtesy to greet people when you see them.
I'm glad you think that you've got women all figured out. Keep it up, I'm sure you can use your arguments when you are defending your actions to HR when someone accuses you of inappropriate behaviour. You can start the conversation with "gee, your hair looks lovely today..."
You have a lot of growing up to do.
A response has been posted by the author about this article: http://leadingassociates.net/?p=299
A lot of posters have said what I am about to say but I really feel the need to weigh in here.
First, you manage an office of women. Really, it sounds like you have little to no experience managing men. Which leads me to ask, how are you so sure these "idiosyncrasies" are specific to women and not just general to all people? Most people have their little things that they prefer, ways they are communicated best to, etc. I think if you spent some serious time managing a more mixed group you'd see that it crosses most boundaries of gender, race and age. People are individuals and appreciate being treated as such.
Also, about your disappointment in not having your "Boiler Room" moments. I lead a group of all women. We are tough and cutthroat when we need to be and we get revved up about what we do. Granted we are considerably younger than your crew, but as a generalization about women, not being ambitious, go getters and shrewd businesspeople, well that's just flat out false. Sorry.
Kudos on having the courage to post your thoughts, hopefully this will be a lesson for you and show you that like your employees you are a work in progress (we all are.)
Daniel,
Just read your post, and while I agree with most of the posters that your "read" on women was stereotypical at best, I wanted to give you kudos for even thinking about how your employees are different. So many people treat everyone the same way they want to be treated, and even though it's the golden rule, it's the wrong way to approach work relationships.
Every person is an individual, and that individuality is made up of sex, race, religious beliefs, generation, mind, and matter. You will do much better in your professional career to remember that. Treat everyone with respect, but play to those little idiosyncracies that make people who they are. If "Adam" doesn't like to be put on speaker phone, don't put him on speaker phone. If "Claudia" likes to have the door held for her, do it when you can. Learning what makes each employee unique and special will help you manage them effectively and help you grow as a person too. Just don't attempt to categorize or label people as a group, and you'll be fine.
This guy has found a management style that works for him, with a specific staff, of a specific age, at a specific company, and good for him. That doesn't mean this advice applies to all women at all companies.
I find working with women baffling sometimes, and I'm a woman myself. I also find men baffling; let's admit it, I find people baffling.
I've got one coworker who's so needy that he must enter every conversation in the office, share his every random thought with somebody and talk about his accomplishments until he gets praise. One woman in my office giggles incessantly and yaks about how great her former company was. My boss moos (like a cow) when he sees work he doesn't like.
As for me, well, I don't answer emails promptly, I'm crabby until I drink my first Coke, I ramble on my voice mails, I display 12 pictures of my kid in slightly different poses ...
Ahem, apparently I ramble in my comments, too. I think this guy is a little clueless, but hey, he'll grow out of it. I think beating him up and calling him names is out of line.
A better title for your post would have been - The Arrogance of Youth. I think you need to dig deeper for topics where you can offer useful advice. You really didn't expect those quick naive observations to be taken seriously, did you?
I wonder how old you have to be to be an "older woman"? I catch my 15 year old daughter talking about "Older Women" on her blog www.GenYBlogger.com and I cringe. She assures me that the adjective is necessary to visually involve her audience in the post. See: http://genyblogger.com/2009/02/02/a-good-deed-is-rewarded/ as an example.
Good luck ...
While on the surface your tactics are correct (and event these women you work with would HATE to know you called them catty) there is one point you are missing.
Perhaps if you bothered to do some of these same things (aside from the chivalry) with men you would get more productive work out of them as well. The biggest difference here is that this OLDER WOMEN category you talk about are used to their emotions being taken into account and will be obviously negative when their emotional needs are not met. Men and younger professional women on the other hand might prefer a different approach but there is a long standing history of just putting up with it. Another way to say this is that you will never know which male employee prefers a bit of chit chat before asking a favor until after he has quit and someone makes a side comment about "you know he never liked you".
I am a 31 year old professional woman (software engineering) and work with nearly all men.
I don't like it when men hold the door open for me ALL the time just for chivalry. I do hold the door for the person after me regardless of gender and always for someone carrying an armload or pushing a cart/stroller. If someone holds the door for me I just say thanks and don't make a federal case out of it.
If someone makes a big change in their appearance it is not sexual attention to notice it. Whenever my husband gets dressed up for a meeting people always notice and comment, occasionally men I work with will notice a new haircut etc and yes it is flattering to know that you are more than just a faceless code monkey. It is even more flattering when someone comes to me for detailed information on an area of my expertise. (obviously there are some lines that can be crossed with this flattery or if someone dresses inappropriately).
My manager talked to everyone in my aisle about personal things occasionally, the employee's interests and family etc. If he had never spent time BSing with me about my last vacation or the week my family visited it would have been odd. Sometimes these conversations started with a work issue and sometimes they didn't.
"I display 12 pictures of my kid in slightly different poses ... "
@ Anonymous - LOL This is one of my pet peeves, especially on websites and emails! That and scanning in multiple pictures in one GIF with all kinds of whitespace in the background.
Daniel - I also wanted to wish you luck on your efforts in Management. Its a hard thing to do well, and at the least you seem like you are really trying to do it well. That can't be said for everyone in magic or anywhere else!
DOE - that is what I get for commenting and watching TV at the same time..
That can't be said for everyone in Management or anywhere else!
Hi Daniel --
I appreciate your honesty. I think that a lot of these commenters have been unnecessarily harsh (and pretty ridiculous with the Anonymous posters).
I would venture to say that a lot of people posting anonymously were probably embarrassed because what you said was true. (And, believe me, I'm a woman and a feminist to the core, so it's hard to admit there was truth in your post.) However, like Rebecca said up there in the comments, a lot of this is true about men as well.
Yet, a lot of this you wrote are tactics most of us use, but would probably never say out loud (in fear of this sort of response you received). I would never write a blog post about how sometimes my looks will get me a discount, but it happens.
I appreciate what you were going for here, but I do agree that it could have been executed better. Thanks for writing it!
Daniel, you have managed to not only make a broad assumption based on age AND gender, but you've done it with so many misspellings it made me laugh.
There are differences between co-workers of all ages and genders. As someone else pointed out, we all have our own idiosyncrasies and we have them for our own reasons.
I have to say, the part that hit me the strangest was complimenting someone on looks in order to make them work harder or cushion the blow of more work. Yes, I spend money on hair, makeup, and clothing. I do want to look nice at work. But I don't want my supervisor trying to use flattery based purely on physical appearance to try and manipulate me into working harder or taking on more work. If you'd like to flatter someone, try saying "Jane, you manage to make these spreadsheets easy to read and a lot less complicated than they were. Would you take a look at this one and see what you can do?" Or something to that effect.
It's important to take responsibility for the things you write online, and I think it's good you're stepping up and trying to correct things that may be a wrong impression. The bigger picture I hope you take from this is just because something seems like a good idea in your head, it is not always something that translates well in written form.
Honestly, the original blog just came across as childish and offensive, neither of which would seem to be the purpose of a blog by Gen-Y, for Gen-Y.
Wow...seems like most people commenting can't wait to have a good moan about this article.
and the comments on spelling - didn't realise so many people on Brazen were just snobs..
Dan
You've now discovered just how catty women can be (I could use a stronger word, but I'm assuming this is a family-friendly blog). You've also learnt that we are equally adept at criticising men and women. I worked this out at the age of 17 in the girls dorm at boarding school, but we never let the boys find out.
Spelling mistake aside, I actually thought your entry was readable and amusing. However, not half as amusing as some of the comments. I suspect some of your readers may need to develop either a sense of humour or a thicker skin.
I did not find the blog offensive (I'm a Gen X female) but I'm not American, nor have I ever worked in America. Maybe all these workplace differences are cultural as well as age and gender-related. Or maybe I'm strange.
Maybe the best way to point out the problems with this post is to re-write it targeted to the author's age/gender...try this.
Managing Children: A Woman’s Experience
I always imagined myself as Helen Mirren in “The Queen,” the clueless figurehead of one of the most advanced nations on Earth, with its vast mish-mash of cultures, generations, and social groups. Arrogantly expecting them all to behave like “well-bred,” privileged landholders. Instead, in my first management position, I might as well as have been Walter Matthau in “The Bad News Bears,” -- I inherited a team of children…young “men.”
There would be no “let’s change the world” speeches accompanied by a Mia Hamm video. At least, not the kind I used for girls soccer. I kicked off my first lunch meeting trying to explain why for the life of me I didn’t order thick crust meat lover’s pizza and how I could possibly forget the preferred drink was Mountain Dew. Still, there were no leftovers to take home, and most top buttons on khaki pants were released for the day (ewww!).
There are obvious differences between the genders. I mean one leaves the seat up on the toilet, and one doesn’t. And there’s that penis situation, too. Those differences are magnified with a massive age difference. Leading young males is a crash course in management 101. I’ll never understand the macho-hothead one minute/victim the next thing (that seems to transcend generations), but here’s an attempt from a female’s perspective.
1. Young men are very particular, but not in the same way.
Merrill hates it when you put him on speaker phone, John gets offended if you don’t let him explain every move he made in “World of Warcraft,” Chip things every time I ask him his project status that it must be “that time of the month”… Each guy has unique little idiosyncrasies. Of course, you have to figure it out on your own, but the nasty looks, over-talking and snarky comments make it pretty easy.
The way you communicate and the way you delegate work needs to change to match the guy. There’s no rhyme or reason. You just need to go with the flow to get the job done.
2. Up the flirting to up their work load
Ok, this may seem manipulative, but I’ve seen way too many guys use their power to get what they want. I have no shame! The best days are when the guys go to the gym. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel.
“Dang, Seth, look at those guns!” talk about steroid use in baseball for 2-3 minutes… “Hey, I’ve got this report that needs to get out to corporate…”
Once again, no shame.
3. Gossip is King
You have to be political… and sometimes a babysitter. This is probably what I hate the most. Guys can be so “caddy” and competitive with each other. From speculating on the sexual preferences of fellow employees to ridiculous sports aggression—I mean what woman gets arrested at a company softball game for fighting? Whenever you throw a bunch of men in the mix you have to seriously manage relationships. I know it goes the same with women, but I strongly believe men are worse.
Learning from the opposite sex takes a lot of time and understanding. In general, it’s better to be a man in corporate America. We can’t let our gender based differences become an excuse for lazy management. We all need to learn from the opposite sex. Developing your leadership requires understanding of both Mars and Venus. The truth is, men are wired differently and I believe that’s a good thing.
Enlightened, much? I find it amusing that you put such a broad stroke on everyone - let me tell you how all us women might differ.
If you pick up that box for me... I will beat you with a rubber hose. I hate, hate, hate it when I'm carrying a box and Mr Wannabe Knight-in-shining armor decides to take it from me as if I was too weak, too fragile, too incompetent to carry it myself. They call that covert sexism (or passive sexism). It irritates me.
I've never gotten mad over free food (except when it was health nut food).
As for your charm, I would find that pretty offensive. I'd ask "Are you hitting on me?" and get angry at you.
So before you start painting women as these creatures who are emotional and hard to understand and a completely different animal from men, I'll tell you, as a woman in leadership, men are much more gossipy and more responsive to your manipulative "charm" than women.
As a 50 plus woman, it was my generation that helped bring to light these kind of sexist stereotypes. So, we are the last ones who would appreciate comments about our appearance in the workplace.
Daniel,
I think you and Sam (an earlier responder) are cute. I bet you look really nice in those tight pants! Your hair, by the way, is really silky looking. How do you get it to look that beautiful? I wouldn't mind holding the door for you. That way I can check out your butt while I watch you walk through the door. I know all men respond to women looking at their butts and making whooping calls at them. I think men are all the same anyway so I don't like to treat them differently.
Even though they step on each other to get up the ladder and don't hesitate to throw each other under the bus when trying to get the same girl, I think this is just the way men are. ALL of them. Lets celebrate the gender differences shall we?
How about that. Does that make you feel cheap and undervalued?
From a 50+ woman who thinks that all people should be treated as individuals and with respect and dignity.
WOW! You really struck a chord with that post. It amazes me how people in general get so woked up over some things. I get what you are saying. These women that you are in charge of are not like the "usual crowd you run with". So you wrote the post from your perspective as a young male climbing his way up the corporate ladder. Instead of jumping down your throat, these experienced, educated people should have explained to you that many people would find youe comments offending, and then went on to explain that management (and life) is like sales. Be respectful, find common ground, and build trust.
Nice to read, but i think not all points are true. But in generall this is really good article.
Lots of points are trup for me but understanting a women is very hard..
tanks for good article.
Agree, understanding woman is hard just like my wife.
Daniel,
I don't think your post was offending.In fact,I got the impression it was an honest opinion of someone who had a new experience. People got offended at your generalizations which they "mistook" as stereotyping.It was actually brave of you to be honest v. politically correct. I am a GenY female,and I would have had exactly the same challenge as yourself if I were to manage women @ 50+. Its probably true that younger career-driven women don't like when coworkers or bosses compliment their looks, but the older Gen is a different crowd. I agree on the "gentleman" stuff though!Social etiquette and respect are timeless.
It's all about compromising and being able to change. Women are very different from guys and the sooner guys grasp that, the easier it will be. We (guys) can't act around our women like we act around our guys. It just won't work. Gotta adjust to make it work.
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