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I had a great lunch with John Head yesterday in which we somehow got on the subject of dating and technology.
The topic came up after we discussed John’s experience with interviewing, hiring and firing Gen Y’ers who all seemed to have huge entitlement issues. John had some funny stories about Gen Y’ers. My favorite story was about a young male employee who refused t
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Comments
02.12.09
Social media is changing the dating scene. The basis for Drew Barrymore's character in "He's Just Not That Into You" is that technology and social networks are changing how we represent ourselves and our identities. Four years ago, these issues didn't exist.
What is different now with Facebook, Twitter etc is the permanence. If you are "friends" with someone you date on a social networking site after a break up, you have a constant reminder of what they are doing in their lives via status updates. Is it appropriate to "de-friend"?
Social media is developing a new dating etiquette. But tech can never replace face-to-face interaction in any type of relationship/friendship, only complement it.
02.12.09
Your point about being "constantly distracted" is the most troubling with all this, because in being distracted we're also being reminded -- in some weird, twisted, narcissistic way -- that the other person isn't thinking of us at that moment.
Each neurotic glance at the phone, check of the inbox or click of the "online friends" list on Facebook that doesn't yield a favorable response -- "Why isn't she ON?" -- instead chalks up another mark in the disappointment column.
These marks add up. And they can screw with our approach to a relationship that, in reality, we have no business being insecure about.
02.12.09
Carla, The "de-friending your x" debate is an interesting one. In my opinion, it is perfectly acceptable to de-friend an x. You broke up and you are moving on with your life. Why would you need to be facebook friends? Also, I think looking at their profile can be unhealthy as it leads to more over-analyzing and prevents you from moving forward.
02.12.09
It's as if the "Three Day Rule" doesn't apply anymore. You get friended instead...or get a text. No actual phone call or conversation. And even if you do call, usually you get a text back. I'm just happy I have a full keyboard on my phone...
02.12.09
Here is something I found odd about 2 or 3 years ago. I was listening to the radio and they were talking about dating and asking eachother if they "googled" the person they were dating.
Half of them said yes, and I was like who cares. But now with technology and more people coming to the online world, i think it is a good idea to google who you are about to date.
02.12.09
I have been involved in a few long distance relationships, and technology has played a HUGE role in them. When I went to college I found myself constantly checking my GF at the time's (still in CT, 8 hours away) profile. It was a huge distraction, and it lead to many arguments and eventually a break up.
More recently I was involved in a long distance relationship and my ex would check my facebook all of the time, I was aware of it, and again led to a good amount of arguments. We broke up, and when we changed our status's to single it was almost like a realization that this is it, it is really over...
I wrote a post about this when I was in school http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/note.php?note_id=10693520939&id=124131...
(sorry for the facebook link, that blog has dissapeared)
02.12.09
I've been Googling dates for as long as there's been Google. Well, not dates for quite a while, since I'm married. But even 10 years ago, it was surprising how much you could learn about someone if they had any web presence at all.
02.12.09
One of my girlfriends found out that the guy she was dating had a criminal record thanks to some of our friends being suspicious and googling him. The relationship ended with him getting arrested (again) haha! You can never be too careful :)
02.12.09
This is really interesting. I think one of the main problems arises when people start to replace internet connections with real life connections. Nothing can replace real life romance...but unfortunately due to technology, it's probably becoming too common to chat online, get asked out via text, and even get broken up through facebook.. Face to face interaction and communication in real life is so vital, and I'm afraid we're losing it slowly.
02.12.09
I find that technology is a great way to meet people especially if you are shy. I mean, I go out to bars and clubs with my friends but every time I meet an attractive woman I completely freeze. It's easier to talk to and get to know someone through chat/facebook first and then meet them in person. Yes there are a lot of shady people out there, but I think facebook reduces the shadiness factor because usually you are meeting friends of friends. Or being introduced by friends, who can vouch for the other person. I wonder what I would do w/o facebook, probably settle for an arranged marriage...YIKES!
02.12.09
How does all this work when a person has a common name? I have tried looking up many old classmates and while I have been mostly successful, some people with common names are impossible to find without spending hours searching every profiles on social networking sites (not to mention if the profile set to private). I have a semi-common name and it would be impossible for someone I am dating to figure anything out about me online unless I told them what to look for, they would have to get lots of stuff secretly off my driver license etc and then maybe even hire someone in the business of online background checks.
This kind of thing CAN be found online, but I doubt its as efficient or easy as everyone has been making it out to be (in articles like this one).
02.12.09
@boohoo, nothing says that all you are allowed to type into Google is the name. If someone knows anything at all about you and is good with keywords, they may be able to narrow their search.
02.13.09
You bring up a lot of great points but while technology can be a distraction it can also help a relationship too. It can be a great way to help you meet people. You just have to learn how to balance it and know when to turn off the phone, stop checking people's facebook pages and do something else.
02.13.09
"nothing says that all you are allowed to type into Google is the name. If someone knows anything at all about you and is good with keywords, they may be able to narrow their search"
@KateNonymous, This is obvious, but it still doesn't address how to narrow down people with common names. I know my own info, but I will still find at least 10 other people with close enough info to mine, that are not me but someone else might think is (i.e Employers). This doesn't even consider nick names or people using alternative last names. At least a dozen of my friends who were not born in the US use an alternative last name (because they have the equvilant of more than one last name in thier home country) My girlfriend is on of these people and recently had a realtive who had to go far beyond the "standard" internet reserach methods to track her down.
I am not questioning your knowledge, but please share your "other" techniques that would narrow down the current "John Smith" that you are dating and want to check up on. By the way there are 3 million "Smiths" around according to last US census.
Heres some food for thought: There are 100 million "Zhangs" in China alone. I'm also guessing you don't know anybody with "Nguyen" for a last name.
07.24.09
I agree that technology has changed the dating scene so much. Its not just the text messages, but rather whole market of online dating itself. Social media sites like facebook and myspace are the new dating platforms. Even, twitter is leading to new dates ... wondering, what happened to the age old concept of your friend setting you up :)
07.24.09
Personally, I don't believe that one can get the real mate or even husband/wife from online dating service. Technology can change anything, but not dating for me. However, that's just my thought.
07.25.09
"The point of his story was that in today’s world, your private life is no longer private. At any time, anyone can follow you on Twitter, Google you or check out your Facebook page.I must admit, a few of my relationships ended due to things I found out via technology. "
you can either choose not to use Twitter or be careful with what you published online...especially when you are drunk or stoned.
but we can always find something related to you online, like searching your cell phone number or your name.
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