I live with my boyfriend. Marriage is a ways down the road, at least a couple of years. We've known each other for 5 years.

Adjusting was difficult. Our eating, sleeping, working out and socializing habits are different. Overall the adjustment has been fairly easy, neither of us are the 'fighting' type, we just argue about differences. Over time (6 months) our habits have molded into each other; I workout earlier, he eats more of my 'rabbit' food, he doesn't go out as often (I go out a little more) and we usually get to bed fairly early. I guess he's adapting out of his bachelor pad. :)

I think living together before marriage can make the whole marriage process and adjustment less stressful. A couple I knew didn't move in until after the wedding and the female was deathly afraid of how it would go. When you're planning a wedding, moving to a new location and then having to pay bills from the wedding and adjusting to a new lifestyle it can be a little overwhelming.

I do believe whether or not a couple lives together before or after a wedding, as long as they are both willing to compromise and adapt to each others needs they will do just fine.

Jeff and I went from one extreme to the other - from a year long distance relationship to living together. I think it helped to have two older siblings to forge that path first, as well as parents who did it when they were younger. I definitely agree that it's a good idea - you can't help but see all sides of a person when you live together.

My husband and I didn't live together before we were married, because that's what worked for us. I think "what works for you" is more important than a hard and fast rule about "should we or should we not live together." And here's the thing: each relationship may have a different answer, because you're only half of that relationship. The equation will be different.

I think this is a personal choice based on your values and experience, and I'm a big believer in the idea of "to each, his own." In my experience I lived with a girl for a while and had always thought that this made sense - you get to know them better, figure out your mutual habits, and give the whole shebang a dry run before doing something expensive, hurtful, and regrettable. My experience did not support any of these ideas - living with this girl made it very easy to have all of the benefits (not just talking about the physical) of living with someone I loved and none of the bumps that a true partnership has to contend with – or at least these bumps are handled in a way much different to the way they would be handled in marriage, because each person operates with greater selfishness. I always thought about how to take care of myself and then how to take care of her rather than how to take care of us or my family. There was little to no commitment and I think that is what made it so easy an arrangement to fall into - it's also what made it an easy arrangement to fall out of. When we went our separate ways it was painful, and I was devastated by my own judgment and choices rather than the feeling of loss for our relationship. This also didn't seem right to me - I didn't have to think about what I was doing getting into it, and I think that caused the greatest problems for us. After it was over I felt as betrayed by myself as I felt I had been by her, and that it was our relationship that had really betrayed me, because I hadn't given the whole matter the proper weight and attention that it deserved. On the other hand, my sister and her now-husband dated for eons and lived together for several years before getting married and they swear that it has helped them grow together. But, for me, I plan on maintaining that separation until I get married, and spend more time making sure that the woman I love and I are compatible in terms of values, beliefs, activities, sense of humor, finances, children, and life and career goals. These are some of the most important things in life and there is no prescribed method for determining compatibility in these areas. Thanks for the interesting topic Jessica.

Call me old fashioned but I wouldn't live with my spouse before we were married. I do agree with Kate--that you just have to figure out what works for you. My best friend temporarily lived with her soon to be husband for a short time before the wedding and that worked for them. I wouldn't want to live with my significant other because what if it doesn't work out? Then it's a waste of time. Also, I value my alone time-which would be hard to do with someone always around. And I think there'd be more temptation for "relations" when you're living together. Not to mention that I care about the impression I give off. I come from a conservative family, so I definitely would have to deal with others judgments if I did choose to live with someone.

I have to agree with the majority here: there's no hard and fast rule for what's "right" and "to each his own". I've heard arguments for both sides and there are compelling reasons for both situations. My experience was that I lived with my now-husband before we were married, spent time living apart again and then lived together again one more time before we actually tied the knot. Sounds complicated right? Well, the first time we lived together, he was going to grad school on the other side of the country and I joined him after I graduated from college. I didn't have a job and we knew that living on the other side of the country was a temporary thing, and how often do you get to just up and move without ties? So I just took the leap of faith. It worked for us. I'm not saying that it was perfect all the time - there were fights (especially about the concept of "space") and it took us a while to adjust to living together.

After my husband finished grad school he got a job back on the east coast, so we moved again. This time, we were both in the area where we grew up, so it made sense to us to move back in with our parents while we saved up some money for the wedding. THAT was an adjustment!! Going from living together 24/7 to living apart and seeing each other every couple of days was very, very hard for us to do. But it made us a stronger couple. Then we got an apartment a month before the wedding and moved in together a few weeks before the official ceremony.

Like I said, this worked for us. It was not without its downside but it was right for us. Living together was a mutual and thought-out decision. Then again, my roommate from college never lived with her husband before they got married and they're happy as clams too :) They just had their "adjustment" period post-honeymoon, while I had it pre-wedding.

However, if you do choose to live together before marriage I strongly recommend some serious discussions beforehand - especially about money. My husband and I were engaged when we moved in together, so I can't imagine what it would be like to live with someone I was just dating! Things come up that will test any relationship and you need to make sure you're completely open and honest and discuss as much as possible before moving in together; specifically about how to divvy up and the bills and the chores (two of the main arguments stemming from living together that I've experienced). As long as the lines of communication are open and you're both on the same page, I think you'll end up doing what is "right for you".