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Living in South Korea, where cellphone penetration is nearly 100%, the culture of electronic communication is astonishing. It’s normal to see 60 year old women texting effortlessly or 9 year olds using their phones to take pictures and videos of anything they find remotely amusing.
This culture of hyper-connectedness has made me keenly aware of communication habits, both my own and of others. My cellphone usage has sharply increased during my time here, despite having a smaller circle of friends than back home.
Gen Y Never Eats Alone
I realized that with all the avenues of communication available, I’m never, ever really alone. If I’m having lunch by myself, I’ve noticed that I’ll send text messages to people in order to relieve the silence. If I’m bored on the subway, I’ll call or text someone.
If I’m working on something on my laptop — at least one IM program will be open. Sometimes I’ll sign on and passively leave it in the background. I’ll happily oblige if someone engages me in conversation, but I’m content with simply being available.
In my unscientific poll of some colleagues, it’s clear that I’m not alone in doing this. Viewing it objectively, it looks like a strange behaviour. What’s the point of all this seemingly needless connectivity?
The Facebook High
This always-on mindset could be indicative of a generation with low self-esteem. I still remember the days before ubiquitous cellphones, email, IMs and social networking. If you wanted to get in touch with a friend, you’d have to hope they were near a landline or you would go to their house. If you couldn’t connect with them…no fuss, no big deal.
But now that we can connect with our friends (and expect to hear a response anywhere within 24 seconds to 24 hours), we’ve tied our ability to connect into our self-identity. Because we are used to being surrounded by people — from our helicopter parents to our always-available peers — we have become dependent on their communication and addicted to their contact. Are we a generation that self-medicates its emotional issues by sending out texts?
Our personalities are now inextricably linked to our cellphones and Facebook walls. Notification of a new text or message can trigger a dose of excitement, a microsecond-high that makes you think ooh, what could this be? That’s why some people (affectionately known as “Facebook whores”) are so addicted to Facebook. It’s constant reinforcement that says yes, I have friends, and yes, I have social value.
The desire to be liked is certainly not unique to Gen Y. But this is the first generation where you can actually measure your popularity. Just count the text messages in your phone and see how many Facebook friends you have.
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Comments
02.03.09
Why is it so important to be popular? Every generation faces that issue, but why have others reached a point, fairly early on, when they don't worry about it any more?
Your value comes from you, not from other people. That's because it's your value, not theirs.
And from what you've posted here, you know that! But it does sound like far too many other people don't.
(When I'm alone, I have a book. I also have my phone, but I'm much more likely to be reading the book than talking on the phone.)
02.03.09
Never was popular. Never sought to be popular. Never wanted to be popular. Really hated the social scene, especially in high school, and stil do for the most part.
All social media seems to be an exhibitionistic outlet just to say, "Look at me! I'm here! I'm important! I have something important to say, and you need to know it. Just look at me!" Pandering for attention has never gotten so easy or universal.
All the cellphone and IM use seems to be an outlet for the terminally bored to inflict their boredom on everyone they can call. And I still don't give a flying fig about "social value."
As for friends, I have real friends, not just social media, cellphone, or IM contacts. "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
From the perspective of an Asperger, diagnosed in mid-40s.
02.03.09
As someone who was popular despite their best efforts not to be, all these technology and social tools are just that: tools. When people attribute more importance to them than they actually have, then you've got the issues like perma-connections and the inability to have a real conversation or connection with someone.
02.03.09
I just don't see the link between low self-esteem and the habit of being always-on.
By the way, it is said that Gen Ys do have higher self-esteem than Xers and boomers in equal ages.
And more, that this high self-steem comes from the fact that Ys can rely on the net (that is always on) for any unforeseen or unknown task or problem. Answers come rushing in after you tweet a question.
Have you ever wondered how it was back in the 60's for a teenager to gain access to unforeseen or unknown task?
And since high or low self-esteem is directly related to being sure of yourself, of being capable, who would do better? The one with easy access to knowledge or the one with difficult access?
02.03.09
Back in the 60's, it was time doing research in the library or talking to alleged experts on the problem. Spoken by one who's been there and done that.
For me, a part of my self-esteem came from having the energy and determination to go and dig out the information myself, rather than relying on others to instantly hand it to me. You really had to want to know, and you remembered it.
As for being always on, I remember one smart-ass kid claiming he had all the answers to the engineering problems he encountered on a construction site, until he dropped his phone and a cement truck rolled over it.
02.03.09
That's what we did in the 1980s and early 1990s, too.
02.03.09
Yeah, I agree that we are pretty connected but I'm not sure there is a link between that and low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is typically associated with people who avoid social situations and connectiveness because they are seeking to avoid social rejection. Besides, I don't think that we are more hooked in because of something specific about our generation, I just think we were lucky enough to be born in an age where all that is possible. Ask your parents if they would have loved to have been able to text message a friend while sitting on a train to work when they were in the teens or twenties and I'm going to bet that the answer is yes. We are doing what young people in every generation do: communicate and commiserate with each other.
02.03.09
jrandom42 , you make my point stronger when you mention "one smart-ass kid claiming he had all the answers". This is the typical attitude of someone with high self-esteem.
Someone with low self-esteem shies away or at least is not that bold.
Alexis Jeffcoat seems to agree with me.
02.03.09
It's worth noting that people often overcompensate for low self-esteem. Sometimes it takes careful attention over time to see whether someone has excessively high self-esteem or is compensating.
02.03.09
True!
02.03.09
Flavio,
I was narrowly referring to the question about being always "on", and the consequences of relying on it always being there, and then not having that connection.
02.03.09
Low self esteem may constitute being an introvert but many will also try their hardest to be in with the crowd or the times because they are not in tune with themselves. As someone who despises text messaging b/c I would rather hear your voice, I understand what you mean when you state that sites like Facebook and the cell phone have become status symbols in regards to how many contacts you have access too. It took me a long time to get a Facebook page because I knew that I wouldn't be as involved as those sites require in order to really appreciate them. For me being able to utilize Facebook to at least stay connected to old friends (very few by the way) is cool but I am very selective of who can call me. Those minutes add up!
Great post.
02.03.09
Very interesting post. I don't, though, necessarily think the fact that Gen Y is "always on" is connected to esteem at all.
To use myself as an example: I am almost always connected especially now with the iPhone, but I am not an introvert and I do not have low self-esteem. I simply use the technology because I can. Why should I sit and stare into space when I could be talking with a friend or family member, or better yet, getting some work done?
I have a facebook page because someone pressured me into it (at first I thought it seemed like too much work). I quickly gained a lot of friends; several people I hadn't been in touch with in 10-15 years. I do, however, keep it very private and only friend people I know. I use Twitter because I found it intriguing.
I guess how I see it is there are always going to be people who use new forms of technology as a crutch to remove themselves from the "real world"; however I don't think it's fair to lump an entire generation in that group.
02.04.09
I think it depends on how you view the tools and to what ends you want to use them. I agree with Tiffany that people (annoyingly) use the cell phone and other social media tools to impress upon others that they are important and have people who are connected to them.
In that case, I think those people perhaps have severely misguided approach to social connectedness and self-worth.
Other times, FB, Twitter and all that other stuff is used to promote and market yourself to others (and may have little to do with garnering self-esteem or social acceptance).
02.05.09
GEN Y NEVER EATS ALONE
Personally, I like to be by my own company. I'd just play my DS game or something while eating my lunch, or read the papers. I considered it as my 'me' time so everyone should go away. Is that still "communicating"? Hehe.
THE FACEBOOK HIGH
I can see why you think people with low self esteem will try to get as many facebook friends and justify that they're popular because they have a lot of friends.
Quality over Quantity is still important.
Sadly, not everyone have that knowledge.
02.05.09
Great point, Raven. I didn't consider the people who are using social networking for self-promotion tools -- they might be so "self-aware" that they can redirect the power of these communication channels to further their goals.
However, that's still a small subset of Gen-Y. It's easy to forget that (in our digital lives) we're surrounded by content creators and influencers. The large majority of millennials don't use Facebook to promote their blog, it's just there to be with friends.
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