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I have no shame in admitting that I am a chronic optimist. Don’t get me wrong, I am realistic. I don’t blindly think positively, but I do tend to err on the side of bright, instead of dark. Blame it on my mom. She is probably the happiest person I know and it’s not even a front.
Last week, one of my posts (about the recession) was put on the front page over at Brazen Careerist. Last time I checked, it had 57 responses and what started out as a discussion on the economy (we’re in a recession, didn’t you know?) turned into a battle over optimism and pessimism. The comments, in my opinion, are more interesting than my original post and I thought I’d write something to follow it up.
BEING OPTIMISTIC HAS HEALTH BENEFITS.
There were plenty of comments implying that I was insensitive to people who were laid off or that I couldn’t possibly tell someone to look on the bright side of things when they have been handed such terrible hardship. I can, though. And, I will. Yes, I acknowledge that there is pain right now that has been intensified by the recession. Granted, I think it’s a bit ridiculous that all of a sudden we seem more worried, as a whole, about poverty and unemployment NOW than we did six months (or a year or five years) ago. People have always dealt with hardship. If anything, thank you recession for bringing to light our economy that was failing before, but because the majority of people were living very comfortably, they didn’t seem to care.
But, you know what? The people who are optimistic about their situation will be better off. It’s not a question about whether or not they will be and, “hey! that’s your opinion, so don’t tell me I should be optimistic when I just want to sit here being a pessimist, but listen to me complain anyways.” It’s proven. Not just proven once. Proven a lot (links above).
The problem with being a pessimist is that you think you are right in being so. And, in your own way, you convince yourself to be a victim in your own life. When you are a pessimist, life happens TO YOU. You do not take control over your circumstance and you blame whatever is convenient. All of a sudden, our focus is on the unemployment rate because of the recession. So, we blame the recession (which, in turn, the media glamorizes, so we stop spending money because we think everyone else isn’t spending money, but that’s another issue). Our unemployment rate is never at 0%, so even when the economy is booming, people still lose their jobs and their health care and get cancer and their pet dies and they get divorced. What do we blame those things on?
Let’s see. I’ll blame the cancer on doctors. My lack of job on my previous employer. Lack of health care on the government. The pet dying on God. And the divorce on my ex. Sure, these things did contribute to your state, but there’s no where to go when you just blame, blame, blame, and then point some more fingers. When you allow yourself to look on the bright side of things, then you have control. This cancer is giving me the opportunity to test the fight I have in me. My pet is in a better place. That divorce was necessary, because we were both unhappy.
You won’t get anywhere being pessimistic. My looking on the bright side of things is not me being blind or insensitive or naive. I’ve been dealt my own doses of hardship and I’ve persevered, not because I’m lucky, but because I spent a considerable amount of time getting myself into a positive state. I know not everyone can get there, but does it hurt to try? Are we that afraid to be happy (and resilient) that we will imprison and limit ourselves in the confines of our negativity?
I think there is a definite leaning toward - not so much pessimism but cynicism these days. Based on their history and life experiences make it often hard for people to shrug off a certain pessimism, those who have not had the same life experiences often can't understand the pessimism of others because no ones experience is the same and not everyone has the same ability to bounce back.
Though I am not fond of the victim mentality I do think there is a real reason for people to be lightly cynical at this point in time. It is also a way to protect yourself from being disappointed.
I caught your post last week, and was really surprised at the comments. Many people seemed determined to show you how miserable life was, and that you should be miserable, too.
Optimists are more than people who "look on the bright side". A better definition is that optimists see options, they believe that they have control over the many of life's circumstances.
Great posts, and keep smiling! (It's what optimists do, right?) :D
I think there may be some confusion regarding expectations (optimism vs. pessimism) and locus of control (internal vs. external). These are both extremes. I set out to have realistic expectations while believing that both my actions and the external environment will have an impact on future events. Personally, I accept reality for what it is and then I hope for the best while planning for the worst.
There's a difference between pessimism and realism. There's also a difference between optimism/"the bright side" and consolation.
Life is hard. That doesn't mean that we have to wander around morose about it all the time. But it does mean that there are some things that are just negatives, and that it is not wrong for people to feel negative about those things, even long after they are over.
Check out the book Learned Optimisim by Mark Seligman. It's a great read by a Social Psychologist that goes into depth about how and why people are optimistic or pessimistic and how to change to be more optimisitc.
A very interesting point that the book does make though, is that through several experiments, it has been proven that optimists are not very realistic in comparison to pessimists. The book says optimists tend to play down a bad situation and to percieve that they have more control over a situation than they actually do.
BUT, optimists they are healthier, happier, more likely to bounce back from a problem, and they live longer. So its a trade off. Do you want to always ruminate in how dire a situation is or acknowledge it, and MOVE ON to try and make things better? As you said, it all really boils down to a choice.
It's also possible to make both choices--to feel optimistic some times and not others, depending on the topic at hand.
I've lived long enough to see far too many optimists get blindsided, derailed, shocked, and in some instances, injured or killed to be truly optimistic. At some point, being relentlessly optimistic looks and feels delusional. Am I pessimistic and cynical? Of course, I am.
"We don't need to look for booby traps and land mines. I was told the combat engineers swept this road yesterday and said it was clean."
"We'll be fine here in New Orleans. The levees will hold."
"The Iraqi people will be greeting us as liberators with flowers and candy."
"The insurgency is in its last throes."
"The fundamentals of our economy are strong."
"This agreement will ensure peace in our time."
Need I say more?
I've lived long enough to see far too many optimists get blindsided, derailed, shocked, and in some instances, injured or killed to be truly optimistic. At some point, being relentlessly optimistic looks and feels delusional. Am I pessimistic and cynical? Of course, I am.
"We don't need to look for booby traps and land mines. I was told the combat engineers swept this road yesterday and said it was clean."
"We'll be fine here in New Orleans. The levees will hold."
"The Iraqi people will be greeting us as liberators with flowers and candy."
"The insurgency is in its last throes."
"The fundamentals of our economy are strong."
"This agreement will ensure peace in our time."
Need I say more?
Good for you for being optimistic -- I think you're absolutely right that you will be better off if you are optimistic about your situation. Attitude matters more than most people realize.
I definitely struggle to be an optimist, and thank my gf for bringing optimism into my life. I try to remember a famous quote, but I can't recall at the moment its originator:
"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds and the pessimist fears this is true."
I believe it was by James Branch Cabell (not 100% sure on the spelling there).
Everyone runs a risk of being "blindsided, derailed, shocked, and in some instances, injured or killed" - attitude is no excuse for living in the real world.
But pessimists are so "Cold War". Like those b/w films with men dressed in trenchcoats, shrouding themselves in cigarette smoke, passing cryptice messages, and slinking into the murky shadows.
Optimists just don't fall for all that "necessary evil" crap.
Stop using your companies pre-printed thank you notes. Hand write a thank you note! Hand writing is much more personal and it shows you care. More...
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