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I moved to Chicago in July, 2007, shortly after graduating from college. Trouble was, while I was starting my life over and transitioning into full time work, most of my friends were still finishing college, or at least living the college lifestyle while they looked for jobs. I would get phone calls from friends on their way out to the bar late on weekdays, reminders that I was pretty much alone amongst my friends in my new career-oriented lifestyle. I imagine many winter grads feel the same as they begin their careers while their friends finish up back at school.
For those who go to college, the 21-24 age range can be especially tricky. It’s the first time that age really ceases to define your stage in life. After years of following a somewhat guided path through education, always having at least some idea or say in what comes next, everyone is scattered to the wind and left to figure out for themselves what comes next. Some move to new cities to start work (like I did), some move home, some start businesses, some travel, some get married and many take more time to finish school.
Coping With the Change
I’ve found two ways to cope with the life stage rift amongst my friends, and both take time.
- Get out there and meet people in the same life stage as you.
- Give your friends some time—many of them will get to the same stage you’re in sooner or later, and when they get there, you can be there to help them adjust to the changes.
I would have given anything to go back and join my friends in college during those first few months in Chicago—but now, a year and a half later, many of them have joined me here to start their own careers. Just give it time.
Photo Source: Hello Serjiy, Creative Commons
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Comments
01.15.09
I left college early b/c I only managed to have one class left to take and opted to take back in Chicago.
I was still going to school (taking one class),but not working and I left a somewhat rocky relationship with an ex-roommie/friend from college. Needless to say, my "life stage" at that time was a little awkward.
But, I don't think I missed anything by leaving early. Nor, did I feel out of place when I did start working and my other friends weren't. I'm not sure if you can find people who are going through the same transitions as you are, b/c it's different for everyone. I just made sure to keep in touch with the links that were important to me.
01.15.09
Nice shoes...
01.15.09
Good point, everyone is different, but I did manage to find some friends who I could relate to (who were also starting their careers out of college), and that helped the transition a lot.
As for the shoes, creative commons photo. What can I say?
01.27.09
I lost everyfriend I ever had because I had to leave college as a sophmore to work full time (I did finish my degree years later). They just didn't understand that I couldn't spend as much time with them. Also as time progressed I wasn't nearly as fun to be around as I was before anyway. Also "growing up" earlier than them didn't really help me get on with my career. They are all equally or more successful than I am today. They just got more time in that fun "life stage" than I did. I fact I think it gave them better opportunites for real networking that I missed out on. I certainly don't hold it against them and in retrospect I am likely somewhat responsible for the poor outcome.
What I am saying is that if you had slacked off that last semester with them and had "fun" I doubt you would be any worse of today than if you hadn't. Being an adult just isn't that interesting. You can always go get a job and work really hard at any age in life, but you can never be young again and have a large network of friends like you did in college. Especially if you can't get into something you are interested in or passionate about.
01.27.09
Maybe that's true - I could have taken the summer off too and been just fine, but the stress of being jobless and the right job opportunity made it hard to resist.
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