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One of the questions that almost every college student encounters at least once is, “Should I live with a complete stranger or with my best friend?” The question seems simple enough, and the answer seems like it should be obvious.
When it comes to picking roommates, we naturally assume that our best friends would also make the best roommates. However, this isn’t always true. In fact, many times a good friend can turn out to be a horrible roommate, and here’s why.
1. Your expectations are too high.
Your friends are awesome, and when they become your roommates, you expect them to live up to that level of awesomeness all of the time. The problem is that nobody can be that awesome all of the time (heads would explode). It’s simply not possible to sustain it.
2. You discover their quirks and weaknesses.
After a few days, weeks, or months, you’ll start to discover some of your friends’ quirks and weaknesses. Whether it’s creating a hazard zone in the kitchen, blasting music at 2 AM, snoring so loud you can’t fall asleep, or not paying rent on time, the outcome is always the same. You start to get annoyed.
3. Friends are not friends forever.
Conflict is inevitable when multiple people share a space. It’s one of the things we never grow out of. Eventually, you or one of your friends/roommates will get so annoyed at something that you hit the breaking point. This is when things can get ugly, and many times, this is where friendships end.
4. It gets boring.
If you’re lucky enough to make it through the conflicts that arise without destroying the friendship, then you face another challenge — boredom. It can get boring when you see and hang out with the same people everyday, so you start to branch out by hanging out with new friends, creating another source of potential conflict.
5. It’s like getting married (without the sex).
Living together is a big commitment. It’s kind of like getting married, minus the sex, or exactly like it if you’re in a sexless marriage. With approximately 40-50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it makes me wonder if the stats would be similar for friends who become roommates.
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Comments
12.19.08
This is a subject very close to my heart. I have never moved in with friends, but four of the people I shared a house with when first going to college are now, ten years on, still my best friends. Even my boyfriend was a roommate first and a lover later. We have been together for five years now.
So maybe it's not a good idea to move in with friends. Maybe expectations are too high. But there's nothing wrong with quirks, conflict can be overcome and it certainly doesn't have to get boring. And whereas marriage is intended to last a lifetime, sharing a house is usually temporary.
12.19.08
Rolling the dice on random people can be worse than these inevitable conflicts with friends. Living with someone completely random who turns out unbearable is certainly less desirable than a quirky or boring friend.
The situation isn't black and white. No one says you have to live with your best friend nor a complete stranger. The ideal lies somewhere in between.
12.19.08
In 10 years of roommates, the best ones have always been relative strangers. Simmon makes a decent point, but there's a difference between meeting 5 potential roommates on craigslist and picking the best one vs. signing a lease with the first random you meet.
I worked as an apartment manager close to campus for three years and watched so many friendships go sour. The worst was when there three roommates - two would often gang up against one.
Living alone is the best!!
12.19.08
I've got to be the dissenting voice here. My best room mate experiences have been with close friends. I've been practicing roommate and communal living off and on for about 5 years now, and I've had much better luck with close friends than with strangers or acquaintances.
I think it really depends on your lifestyle and the type of relationships you have with your friends. It's worked out well for me because we're honest with each other and have a lot in common.
12.19.08
I think the point is to realize that everyone needs their space. Rooming with your friends can be trying if you are ALWAYS acting as best friends. In other words, you don't get to hang out by yourself because your are ALWAYS hanging out with your friends at home and elsewhere.
Having said that, I'm glad that my parents paid for a single dorm room for me after 5 different roommates when I was in college. I was getting a little tired of dealing with someone new more every few months.
When I graduated, I lived alone until I met my future wife. She hasn't kicked me out yet!
12.19.08
@Simmon I definitely agree that having random roommates can be just as bad or worse than friends. The difference is that if things go bad, you're not losing a friend.
12.20.08
@Broke Grad
True, but friendships are constantly coming and going. I certainly have lost friends for no reason other than that we grew apart or things fizzled out; and there are opportunities to make new friends all the time. The idea that bad roommate situations are the primary causes of friend break-up is probably too simplistic. These situations are probably better analyzed on a case by case basis, rather than making absolute claims like: it's always better/worse to have friends as roommates.
12.20.08
@Simmon
I agree that friends come and go, regardless of whether you live together or not. However, living together tends to magnify the conflicts you have with one another, because you're around each other everyday.
If you read my article again, you'll notice that my claim isn't that it's always worse to have friends as roommates. It's that we naturally assume our friends would make better roommates than strangers or acquaintances, but that's not always true.
12.26.08
"It's that we naturally assume our friends would make better roommates than strangers or acquaintances, but that's not always true." Come again, so what are u trying to say? Your using an oxymoron, I'm saying this but not always get real! It works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't we just have to hope for the best simpler logic I can't use.
11.23.10
It can get boring when you see and hang out with the same people everyday, so you start to branch out by hanging out with new friends, creating another source of potential conflict.Kim
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