I decided to spend all of yesterday in bed. How Brian Wilson of me. It was rainy and dreary, and I couldn't drag my sorry self out from under the covers. In the end it seemed, surprise surprise, a bit depressing.

I'm trying to think of ways to bring lasting happiness into my life. It's turning out to be a more difficult task than I had anticipated. Thus far, the things which I had thought were sources of happiness have proven to be fickle and ultimately underwhelming.

I've begun reading "Happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar, a Harvard professor who teaches a course on happiness. I'm hoping that I'll learn something about happiness, about being happier, or something along those lines. Anything remotely uplifting will do.

And yes, I do realize that I am now officially resorting to self-help books to sort through my shit. I went specifically to the "Self-Help" section of Barnes and Noble to find it. Such is the degree of my desperation. I am very quickly entering a very Bridget Jones-esque downward spiral. Journal entries and all.

While I remain optimistic, I find myself cynical of the lessons this book purports to offer. I am, to a greater degree than most people, fiercely stubborn when it comes to emotions. I refuse, for better or worse, to let go of things. In the best of lights, this translates into my being an intensely loyal friend and confidant. On the other hand, it means that people who are weak in character often let me down. In turn, I am unable to let go and I find myself exactly where I am now.

This book calls for a couple of writing exercises, which will inevitably find their way here. Be prepared.

Among the things Ben-Shahar says will help facilitate happiness:

1) Regular Exercise (True, I feel better after I do it. It's just the during part that makes me want to kill myself.)
2) Meaningful activities with friends (Thank God for my friends. If only I had a 3 am emergency pep talk buddy.)
3) Make a gratitude list (I have to keep reminding myself that I have so much to be thankful for. Topping the list: Thanksgiving leftovers in my fridge. I'm working on getting some better ones on there.)
4) Write out your feelings (I guess this blog qualifies. It's been pretty therapeutic. Let me know when the emotional vomit gets to be too much.)
5) Stay away from Facebook (There's nothing for me there, unless I'm in the mood for a pounding heart and a crying fit. This one isn't in the book, but I'm throwing it out there as my own two cents. Ben-Shahar should take note.)

I'm not so jaded yet that I think happiness is beyond my reach. But I'm not holding my breath for it either. If anyone has a personal experience with this book, or with finding happiness in general, I'm all ears.

Hopefully this Bridget Jones phase will not be long lived. Though I maintain that a Mark/Mr. Darcy would be quite lovely. Reindeer sweater or not.