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Every blogger will tell you that writing in a public forum is, admittedly, more than a bit self-indulgent.
It's not a big secret-- a blog is a place to air personal thoughts and opinions. If I wanted to keep them to myself, I'd keep a journal and hide it in my underwear drawer.
It's just one of those assumed and understood facts about blogs, accepted by both bloggers and readers alike. Expecting anything different is a bit naive.
That being said, I personally believe that the opinions I express must be done in a careful and thoughtful manner. That means no diatribes, no specific names or details, and no unfounded or inflammatory comments. In return, I hope that the people who choose to leave comments abide by the same rules.
Which is why I was so surprised to receive a comment yesterday regarding a post I made nearly a month ago, titled "When the Conservatives Come Knocking."
I had thought it was a fairly even keeled, objective analysis regarding the role of political affiliation in the dating world. One response I received resembled, in the words of another commenter, a "freak out." Here's a snippet:
"How extraordinarily arrogant of you! Rest assured, with an attitude like yours, you're judged just as harshly as you so apparently judge others. I pity people like you. You can't get over your self-concern long enough to appreciate some of the amazing people that populate this world...(You forgot to put a question mark, but I won't nitpick your sub par and self-indulgent writing)...To answer your question, you don't be a bitch about it!"
Whoa-ho-ho! Slow down there buddy! Holy crap, slow down.
First of all, I'm entitled to my opinion (which, I believe, is well founded). Second of all, I expressed my belief in a calm and rational manner. Without, I may add, calling anyone a bitch. And yeah, a blog is self-indulgent. Get used to it or go home.
So this begs the question: is it appropriate to give into what I will now coin "blog rage?" Forget the legal side of the argument; I know that constitutionally, people can write whatever they want. I'm talking about whether they should write whatever thought pops into their head, no matter how vulgar and "freak out" filled it may be.
After all, a "freak out" opinion is an opinion none the less. I put my thoughts into the public domain, shouldn't I be prepared to deal with whatever responses it may garner? Is it silly to assume my readers and I have an unspoken agreement to respect one another in both my posts and in their resulting comments?
I'm not sure who's right here. I'm sure it's somewhere in the middle. Thoughts?
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You can have a blog comment policy, but some people will be very upset at what you write, no matter what you write about. I delete comments that use expletives or say things completely outrageous, but otherwise leave differing opinions. I also generally email the person a sincere email thanking them for sharing their opinion. Just short and sweet and I don't try to say I'm right. This works a lot.
Sometimes people forget there is a human behind the words, and need a little reminder.
I've also been surprised by how aggressive some commentators can get. Mostly, my blog is a very positive place because I deliberately don't discuss politics, religion or anything rage-inducing. (It's hard to be creative when you're stuck defending your point of view against others.)
But, when I tried to help a friend rescue her dog, after what I viewed was an unnecessary seizure by the US military, I unleashed a big can of worms. Many commentators were supportive and wanted to do good, but some others just slammed me and my friend in quite a vicious manner. They even called her character and military service into question. Of course, those weren't regular readers of my blog - they were people who were attracted by the prominent nature of the post - and who had no intention of ever coming back. They spilled their blog rage, often left a fake email address, and departed.
I think this happens because people forget that there are real people writing blog posts, and because blogs are anonymous, they feel like they don't have to be courteous and respectful. It becomes open season.
But I just ignore people like that. They're not a regular reader, they don't take the time to be respectful, and they're really just expressing their rage at something else in a form of a comment on my site. It's frustrating, but not worth getting too upset over.
Why is this pumpernickel blog always featured on brazencareerist? It doesn't seem to fit the motif. I glanced through a few articles and they're all about relationship insecurities and things of that nature. To be fair, the one about writing over law school was along the lines of your other featured articles, but rather vapid nonetheless. I hate to be negative, just curious what the motivation is?
First off, it's not crazy to expect people to be respectful, however you have to temper that expectation with the fact that some people are just jerks.
When I write blog posts, I too put some thought into what opinions I want to express and how. I usually think I'm being pretty even-handed on most topics, but sometimes the response to my posts come as a surprise.
I had a commentor stop by my blog a few months back who seemed to have nothing better to do in life than rip on everything I had to say and call me an idiot. He would send me personal emails challenging me to debates (while again calling me an idiot). It was upsetting and made me question my desire to blog.
However, the more this guy attacked me, the more I realized he was just a crazy, sad person and I started to feel a little sorry for him. Clearly, he had some bigger issues going on in his life that he felt he needed to take out on me.
My advice is to follow the "if someone bullies you, just ignore him and he will go away" rule. Don't engage, don't respond. Eventually a bully will lose interest if s/he isn't getting the response they want (i.e. upsetting you).
I think these people are drive by commenters. They see something they disagree with so they post a hostile response and never return to your blog. That is unless you're Penelope Trunk, in which case they return with every blog post. :)
They're not worth the time to consider seriously. I don't believe in censorship, so unless something is illegal or spam I encourage leaving it up. Hateful freak outs are going to happen.
I think the best way to deal with it is to strip out the emotional junk and look at it from a point of discussion and debate. If there are no points of discussion ignore it completely. If there are things to address then do so.
As to whether people are justified to post it, that's not for me to decide. Frankly I think people who post freak-outs like that aren't thinking things through very well, and are usually caught up in a self-righteous dogma that won't allow for reason. Maybe even as their base state of mind and reaction. This is a person to be avoided in my book.
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?