I’m Moving Back Home This Weekend

One of the worst things we can do to ourselves is compare what we're doing with other people. It doesn't matter if kids your age are or aren't moving back in, you do what's best for you. I struggled with a lot of these things after college, too. I never thought I'd be approaching thirty and still renting somewhere because I have these ideas that people my age have a house and are doing well for themselves. But its just my imagination. The truth of it is that I'm probably doing way better than most people I grew up with and not floundering because I bought a house I couldn't afford because "that's what everyone else was doing".

@Smith + Fritzy: I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comment. In fact, I prepared a long reply before realizing that you just provoked thoughts for another blog post -- so thanks. The short version is this: I completely agree that comparing yourself to others is the worst possible thing to do in terms of personal development: it only serves to hold you back and keep you from growing as a person. And you're right: most of the time, the person you're measuring yourself against is merely a figment of your imagination, built up in such a way that you feel torn down. It's easy to measure our successes against others, so often forgetting that we're all human and thus we all go through rough patches. What I need to keep as a reminder is that it may be taking longer than we'd like, or even expect, but we're following our own paths and doing just fine in the long run. Thanks for your insights!

@Ryan: I think part of the reason why I resisted so much is because it's "not what people do." Truthfully, I felt like I was somehow failing because I couldn't make everything that I wanted work. But you're right -- things are absolutely different, and because of that, people do what is necessary to get by. For me, that just means moving home for awhile. I don't think I'm looking at it as a detour anymore, but rather as a stepping stone as I move towards my goals. Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Never had the chance to move back home. When I left at 18, it was understood that I was welcome for short (less than 4 days) visits, but anything longer was implicitly forbidden. It forced me to grow up fast and somewhat painfully, but I did. Can't say it would have been different for me if I had the option to go back home, but I didn't. I think I have become a better person for having to take responsibility for getting myself out of my messes, but there were weeks and months when it really sucked. Such is life.

Well I guess I'll be the first naysayer.

Are you sure that this is the best thing for your parents? Try not to focus on what they say and think about where they are in their life (any other kids left at home, finances).

The independence you would gain from roughing it on your own is priceless.

@Nisha: That's what I thought in the beginning too, and some part of me is still dreading it. Not because of my parents, they've been great and I love spending time with them, but because of what I thought it would mean. Would I feel suffocated? Would I feel like I've regressed? I've come to realize that I will feel those things if I let myself, but maybe if I handle it correctly, it will turn out to be better than I had imagined. Thanks!

@jrandom42 Because I didn't go home right after college and because I've been independent for so long (even if it doesn't always feel that way), I feel like I have grown and become a stronger individual, which might be the reminder that I need as I make this change. I'm always grateful for my parents, and even more so now that they're willing to let me move back. Is it what I really want to do? Absolutely not. Do I feel guilty as hell? Of course. But do I think it's the responsible decision for me? With current circumstances and my future goals, yes. I think that with your circumstances, you've taken what was given to you and made the most of it, as hard as it was, bettering yourself as an individual, and you should be proud for that. While my circumstances are a bit different in its options, I hope that I can say the same. Thanks.

@Kate: I think that my situation is very much like yours in regards to your relationship with your parents/options. If I still had a steady job, I would in a heartbeat still be living on my own, but as it is, I'm working as a temp as I continue my search for a steady job. The job search is more difficult than I ever expected it to be, and I'm grateful for both the source of income and having a place to stay as it continues. I love the independence that having your own place brings, but I think that my situation is more like your brother's -- doing what is necessary for the interim. As always, I appreciate your comments.

@Anonymous: You're not being a naysayer, you're being realistic, and I appreciate that point of view. But believe me, I have weighed every angle of this decision, including the viewpoints of my parents (and I tend to be more concerned with my family than myself). However, my parents have been incredibly supportive when it comes to their kids and despite the guilt I feel (of my own making, I know), I've talked with them many times only to have them continue to reassure me that this is the best decision all-around. Truthfully, there are some other situations that have arisen which have cemented this decision, so I hope to be able to provide support to them just as they have always done for me. Thanks.

@Vanessa: Exactly! You just nailed everything that I'm feeling, and I can't say more than that. Best of luck to you as well!

These are the type of decisions more of us are having to make. I linked this blog post to http://qvisory.org/blog