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I've been thinking a lot lately about being nice--and how niceness affects my business. Is being "nice" good for your business, or does it hurt you? And are women entrepreneurs and businesspeople under more pressure to be nice than men?
A disclaimer here: I am not advocating being mean or treating people badly. I'm not even saying you can't get to know your clients better--or even have clients become friends. But in those relationships, business still has to come firs
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Comments
10.03.08
Great follow up to your post from earlier this week.
I think the only "nice" that belongs in work comes in the form of "nice craftsmanship" or "nice job on that report".
10.03.08
I think one of the best things about living in our time is that it is more acceptable for a woman to be nice AND selfish/assertive/successful/professional. Just like men being nice is just one tool in an arsenal of tools available to get your job done.
10.03.08
I think the word "nice" gets a bad rap, and has for a long time. Ultimately, there's no reason why you can't (routinely--there are exceptions) be pleasant and professional, whether you're a man or a woman. But no one should have to be a pushover.
It's like when people go on reality shows and say "I'm not here to make friends." That's code for "I'm going to be a jerk." But there's actually a difference between those two statements.
10.04.08
I think there's a big difference between being 'nice and a pushover' and 'nice and professional/assertive/focused'. Too many women are scared being assertive to get their point of view across and think that's not a 'nice' way to act at work.
I suggesting that women should start acting pushy and aggressive, but there's definitely something in the idea of being positive and friendly, but understanding what you need to do to get ahead in your career. Men don't this conundrum bother them, so why should we?
10.07.08
I've noticed that when I am "nice" it is assumed that I will just "give things away" or "just take care of things" for many of our customers at no charge. When I say "no" or decline, I am given a guilt trip. I have also noticed that men can be "firm" and they are considered "tough". When I am "firm" I am considered a "bitch" and it comes from both men and women. Many women are guilty of expecting other women to give in to their demands more than they would expect a man to give in. It's crazy and I spend most of my time walking on egg shells to get work done.
10.07.08
I think you did not define what "nice" means and as the result there is no clarity in your recommendations and hence in many areas of your writing you have "I do not mean to be mean..." etc. Being nice does not mean you be a fool or taken advantage of. Smiling is nice and it does not mean to be suggesting otherwise. I do not know when you wrote that you do "favor" to friends and do not do business with them. It is confusing. Doing business does not mean that you cheat your clients or do something unfriendly. Please make it clear.
10.07.08
I'm nice, too. And I'm learning to be nice about stating my boundaries clearly, dispassionately and up front. Something like, "I can definitely help you with your project (or PR initiative) but this is what you need to know about working with me: a, b and c. That's how I do business. If that's okay by you, great! Let's engage." My experience is that if I'm up front and call out my deal breakers, it fosters respect and puts the less scrupulous on notice or (better) makes them go away.
10.07.08
Trust me -- being a man you still have the same issues - I have recently learned that nice has no place in business. In fact you will get more respect (man or woman) if you are pleasent and polite, but assertive (not obnoxious). The concept of you get more with honey than vinegar still applies. I think nice has the connotation of being a pushover. If someone tries to take advantage of you your tone might change but you should always remain polite.
10.08.08
Thanks so much for the article. I just lost an interior designer "friend" who was incensed that I wanted to be paid for custom art development and to own the copyright on my art! I had given some examples of what I can do, spent time going through my existing images and then presented a proposal for developing new images for her client (a hotel). I was cursed at and told I was not "genuine". Women can sure be nasty to other women! I've seen it in the past, but just not so blatent before. And this was someone I had given major opportunities to, so remember, no good deed goes unpunished! Keep up the good work; if we keep bringing it up, maybe it will go away!
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