Already a member?
Welcome to Brazen Careerist!
Carla Blumenthal is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Carla Blumenthal and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
Carla Blumenthal is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Carla Blumenthal and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
“I just hope that you don’t work too hard. I mean, you are a bright, pretty young girl, you don’t want to end up alone.”
A good guy friend said that to me a couple of years ago. A naïve younger Carla just stood there. I smiled, nodded, and continued with the conversation.
His statement has stuck with me ever since.
After writing a post last week about a study and corresponding book about Gen Y males being stuck in “Guyland,” I started thinking about the changing roles of women and how that has affected professional and personal relationships between Gen Y males and females. Knowing my guy friend pretty well, I can attribute his statement as a defense mechanism to counteract my career aspirations and drive. This statement was said in a positive manner, from a cautious friend “just trying to look out for me.” I realize now that, perhaps, he was a little intimidated by me.
After several more talks, I realized that my friend equated my success in life and as a woman with being in a relationship. By being a single 22-year-old, career-driven young woman, I couldn’t feel successful or happy in all areas of life. That the measure of my success would be determined by my relationship and career status by the age of 30. However, I think this was his way of using power over me.
Are some Gen Y males intimidated by career-driven and confident Gen Y females, single or taken? In the not-so-distant past, women’s gender roles defined them as a homemaker and caretaker. Obviously laws and social norms have changed so women have the right to vote, work and receive equal pay. How have these changes affected the interaction between males and females in later generations psychologically?
I am interested in hearing your thoughts. Feel free to comment or send me an email.
Driven, ambitious, hard-working, Gen Y guys worry about being lonely too:
http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=314206
Being successful at work doesn't have to mean being single.
No, Most Gen Y are probably post-Sexism & post-Racism. We all grew up with strong female roles in TVs & movies, we are used to it & indifferent about it. This year, we have 2 women running/tried to run for the top 2 seats in America.
For comments like that, I think the guy was not trying to be intimidating, he just tried to be funny & some stupid things came out. (just like the first comments on this post)
I ask myself the same questions. It seems to me that guys who are on the same track (young and career-driven) are less intimidated by such women. But still there is inherent competition between men and women on the same level/ladder in their career paths.
I also have a very successful 24-year-old soon-to-be lawyer friend who is both liked (romantically) and secretly resented by several of her guy friends who might be, by their definitions, not as successful. It is a constant power struggle, especially since we are still very young. Maybe it gets better as we "grow up" emotionally?
I actually had an interesting conversation with a woman who studies these trends for a living. She said they are finding compelling evidence that men are having a harder and harder time dealing with growing up and their "roles." It's because women and men are now EQUALLY as ambitious (career wise). In the past, it was men who were expected to be overachievers, women often stayed home. Now we're on an equal playing field, and for one reason or another, men are having a tough time dealing with it.
Maybe its intimidation, maybe its just the shifting gender roles throwing our biological tendencies off balance, maybe we're just immature :) But it is a reality.
A lot of guys that I know don't admit that they are intimidated by strong, succeessful, good looking women. I sometimes am confused whether they are intimidated or not.
Guys? are you?
I'm not sure it's actually intimidation, but I definitely think there's something there. I agree with Ryan, the gender roles are throwing biological tendencies for a loop. Think about the "damsel in distress," women in distress can find their own way out without the help of a man, and often times don't even want the help.
Honestly, I would love to see more women taking note in Social Media and the music industry (the 2 industries I focus on). I was on a panel of 9 Music Marketers and only one was female and she worked for a PR Firm. I don't think I'm intimidated, just haven't seen enough to make an honest opinion.
Thanks for the comments, everyone.
Irina- I agree that there is some competition between men and women on the same career path. I do see power struggle issues.
Ryan-I tracking these cultural trends and their effects on the workforce will be fascinating in the next couple of years. I can't imagine the changes that will be in the next 10, 20, 30 years...
Greg- Hopefully more women will make a positive impact in your field soon!
In my experience whoever Ryan talked to is probably on to something. As I approach 30 the married/single line starts to become more & more obvious. The biggest difference? The self-sufficient, independent, career minded women are still single. The, for lack of a better term, needier women are all married off.
It boils down to the historical idea of the breadwinner. Guys really aren't sure what to do with girls who don't on the surface 'need' them. It has to be intimidating to see a girl and think 'She'd be fine without me, so why am I here?'.
As odd as it sounds I think of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Men use to provide at the lower levels (physiological & safety) - food, shelter, quite literally the breadwinner & protector. As women become more capable of doing those things on their own it throws a wrench into the system. It leaves men in a sort of purgatory wherein they don't see how they fit in with a woman like that.
I think it's just that successful women are looking for men who satisfy them at the higher levels (ie - love, belonging, esteem). The abstracts people desire after their basic needs have been met. I can see where it's hard for a generation to move beyond providing for women in a concrete way (a house, a paycheck, etc) to one that is more undefined. For me it's like 'I know it when I see it' - How do you explain that to a guy?
I for one, have no fear of a strong, confident, ambitious woman. It's a prerequisite I think for many of us.
Amanda- I like how you brought in Maslow’s Hierarchy. I have studied Maslow for consumer behavior, but I haven’t thought of the hierarchy in terms of this subject. But, it makes perfect sense.
We all want to feel needed and loved. Young men in the past were responsible to provide for all areas of Maslow’s Hierarchy for their wives and family. Some women now can take care of the bottom level needs without men and are looking solely for the abstracts in a relationship. This puts men and women on an equal playing field which may intimidate some men that aren’t used to this mindset. Thanks for your input, made me think!
Ron- Glad to hear that. Hopefully there are more Gen Y males with the same mindset!
I think this is a very relevant conversation in today's society, seeing as I am a hard-working, career-driven, woman in my twenties. In response to Ian saying that "we all grew up with strong female roles," I would like to know who exactly he is thinking of. Sure while I was growing up there were women in positions of leadership and other positive females in the public eye but they were few and far between. Additionally, I would like a definition of strong female roles. Let's take for example the medium of TV. There are a million different ways that we could evaluate female role models and their presence but for the sake of this blog we'll look at TV. Most women on TV are portrayed as mothers and/or nagging wives. The women who were focused on their careers and/or education were always seen as slightly neglecting their main duties of being a mother and a wife. Furthermore, women were always have to sacrifice important things in their lives in order to have what men seemed to have expected of them. Even today, in the back of my modern, pro-equality, female mind, I have thoughts about the fact that I'm twenty-five, not married and without children, and how I am incresingly becoming one of the few people in my circle of friends to be the career-driven, single girl. And while I know that you can have a great career and be in a relationship, I also think that your twenties are a great time to do the things you want to do, to work hard and acheive the things you have always dreamed of acheiving and to live life on your terms. I think men see this as intimidating whether they will ever admit it or not because, as the female in me will admit, I like being taken care of just as much as I like taking care of myself. It's the pricipal of being able to say that you did it on your own, that's important.
Amanda's spot on - successful, driven women want to be satisfied on higher level needs, and expect to take the lower level ones for granted.
I'm quite social but routinely meet men who don't inspire me to take them seriously. I expect, for example, that by 27 or so a man is at least solvent and is not living paycheck-to-paycheck. I had a guy splurge on a $30 bottle of wine on our first date, only to go MIA before the second. He later confessed that he didn't have any money and didn't want to admit he was broke, lest he appear to be "a deadbeat." I felt sympathetic for a second - dating is expensive! - but realized that someone who can't financially plan ahead a few weeks isn't cut from the same cloth and would be an incompatible partner. The emotional maturity wasn't there either.
I know for a fact that I intimidated my last BF to the point that he'd never have asked me out...even though he, being a couple years older, has had far more career success so far. Weird, eh? He felt I outmatched him socially, and couldn't believe a girl like me would be interested in him.
Fundamental truth: You can't take care of someone else until you're taking care of yourself. A guy does not become a man until he is "getting it done" and far too many of our 20- and 30-something males still aren't prepared to become men. Many are adrift, even those with strong careers, trying to sort out what it means to be "a good man" in the modern, post-feminist era.
What can we do to elevate the meaning of "man" and train our youth accordingly?
I keep seeing lots of comments talking about traditional gender roles, but they are only traditional in a patriarchal society. Guys, if you're confused about how you might fit into a woman's life if she doesn't "need" you, try studying up on some matriarchal societies. Anyway, isn't it better to be wanted than needed?
Email
Print
.thumbnail.jpg "Blake Sunshine")
