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Getting engaged and later married to the person you love is life-changing in more ways than simply getting a tax break, changing your name, or being able to live together without your mother blushing.
One of the little-known effects of getting married is caused by that little band of gold/silver/platinum/whatever around your finger. In addition to giving you something pretty to look at whole you’re driving, it can make or break your next job interview.
A recent blog post on the LexisNexis legal blog caught my attention. It discussed the very real pros and cons of wearing a wedding ring during a job interview. Apparently, if you’re a man the ring scores you cool points (I guess the responsibility of supporting a family makes men more stable, reliable, and hard-working) whereas a ring around the finger of a woman is more likely to make employers wary of hiring her (women cannot seem to escape the perception that, as soon as they get married, they become baby-makers and cease to care about their careers).
While that post was specifically related to legal careers, I think it’s important to consider the message your wedding ring is sending out to people in other fields as well. I have personally seen women get passed over for jobs because the hiring managers assumed that they would have babies and quit, and hired unmarried women or men instead.
It’s a unique form of sexual discrimination that’s nigh impossible to substantiate or prove. So, what to do about it?
As far as I can tell, there’s really no down-side for men. If they don’t have a wedding ring, it’s not going to cost them the job, but if they do have a wedding ring, it’s a bonus.
For the women out there, there are two options: you can remove your ring before an interview, or you can subtly assuage any fears the hiring manager may have by being strategic in how you present yourself.
A hiring manager who isn’t going to hire a married woman is afraid that person will up and quit the moment a pregnancy test turns positive. It’s essentially fear of a lack of commitment.
You can minimize or negate that fear by presenting yourself as someone who is passionate about her career and who has long-term goals and aspirations she’s working toward. A woman who gets fulfillment out of what she does for a living is more likely to work out an equitable solution after having children than someone who’s just looking for a paycheck.
Either way, it’s pretty lame if married women are pre-judged as short-timers before they even open their mouths. The great thing is that, once you know about it, you can turn that outdated misconception on its head and use it as an opportunity to make yourself look really good.
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13 RESPONSES TO "A POTENTIAL RING-SHAPED LIABILITY"
Interesting. I think the link below confirms your theory. The more interesting question is why.
http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/old_fashioned_men_make_m...
To be honest, I'm a bit shocked about this news. I have been married for almost two years and changed jobs twice in that time, and have never felt discriminated against due to the fact that I'm married.
In fact, it's probably worked for me - at 24 years old, I seem mature for my age in interviews. Then again, when people ask me about my husband or home life I always mention that we're both in graduate school still, so maybe they think we are not ready for kids and I don't get discriminated against because of that.
I do think the way you present yourself could be the determining factor. If you feel you might be discriminated against, make a point to casually mention you're not planning on having kids anytime soon during the interview. It's illegal for the manager to ask, but not illegal for you to willingly give the information.
While being married has been beneficial to me in my careers, the ring itself has been a bone of contention amongst safety experts for decades. Anyone who works around high electrical current or with moving machinery must be able to take off their rings. There are far too many old technicians and machinists who are missing their ring fingers because of this.
Many wives who question their husbands' ability to take off their rings (as a possible prelude to cheating) are cured of such when meeting with old technicians and machinists as well as current OSHA safety videos.
I used to remove my ring before interviews. It amazed me how many interviewers would make some mention of marriage and family. In one interview (after I had already decided I didn't want the job), I was asked about my plans for family - I replied that he was not legally allowed to ask me that question. I don't think he knew what to say after that!
In my current role, I wore my ring to the interview and promised them at least 3 years of service - I've been here 6!
I wear my ring on my middle finger, left hand...always have. In interviewing for my current position, I was asked about family/spouse, and my now boss even pointed to the fact that I wasn't wearing a wedding band. I knew the question was illegal, but didn't want to call him on the carpet, as I was really interested in the position. I deflected the conversation casually to talk about my dog as my current responsibility, sort of breezing off what he was really asking. I did get the job, though! It was months later that he learned that I was married, and he called me out, remembering the interview, and I was able to slyly respond that, yes, I heard the question, but it's illegal and HR wouldn't want to hear about that, now would they? ;)
I was advised, when interviewing for Pfizer, to specifically mention that I had no children and was unmarried. They want really aggressive, singularly focused workers, and providing that information willingly helped me to get them to view me that way.
Wearing rings (especially if they are either quite expensive looking or quite modest) can also affect salary negotiations. If it looks modest, employers will think you will be satisfied with a lower standard of living. If it's a rock, they'll think you're really well off and expect to be a paid a certain amount. Or they'll think that you're set and don't really need alot of money.
Either way, it seems safer for a woman to take it off (the ring) when interviewing.
I can see how this can help in the short term, in a company where this is an issue. But since it's not supposed to be an issue, I wonder if removing a ring that you normally wear doesn't perpetuate the overall problem.
@Scott, Thanks for the additional resource! I think the question of why can probably vary from interviewer to interviewer. It seems like it can have an awful lot to do with the person's preconceptions about marriage and what it means.
@Monica, That's a really tactful way to handle the issue. I think maturity and the way you handle yourself during the interview can have a lot of impact on the employer's perception of you.
@jrandom42, Are you serious?! I had no idea matrimony could be so hazardous! I wonder if anyone's found a ring-making material that is non-conductive and, as such, safe to wear in those work environments...
@Kimberley, Nice going! I can definitely see from an employer's perspective that it's valuable to gauge a candidate's commitment to the job, but I think it's really inappropriate to ask about family planning. I think sometimes hiring manager's forget that a woman can be committed to her career and planning to start a family and that she'll find a way to blend the two.
@Jenn S., I admire your ability to respond artfully to that question. I'm surprised your boss was so forward, but what a great way to demonstrate your ability to handle uncomfortable situations with tact!
@Anna Michelle, I had never thought about karat size being an influence in salary negotiations. If the hiring manager is actually observant enough to notice something like karat size, it might be worthwhile to remove your ring prior to the interview.
@KateNonymous, That is a good point. In the broad sense, it probably does perpetuate the general problem. In a smaller view, though, it might make more of an impact to get the job (ring-wearing or not) and then demonstrate that not only can young married women commit to a job, they can rock the heck out of it.
Literally dead serious, Erika. Just ask any electrician or electronic tech. Gold, platinum and silver are all almost the ideal conductor of electrical current. Just imagine someone working in a power generating plant, and their ring comes in contact with a buss bar carrying 2,000 amps of current, or close to a transformer running at 30,000 Volts. Think extra crispy, because not even the ol' Sparky electic chairs have that much current and voltage. The material wouldn't make a difference to the machinist, because a high speed lathe won't care what a ring is made of, when it grabs it while turning at 30,000 RPM.
I didn't take mine off when I interviewed at law firms, but I did consider it. And in the end, I didn't mention my marriage, my personal life or kids etc etc in an interview. While the ring itself may not scare off employers, they want employees who are committed to the job and not who seem all family oriented - specifically young women like myself (i'm 25) who are married because then their thoughts are, well, how long will she be with us before she has kids?
@jrandom42, That is pretty awful to think about, actually. Hopefully the wives are more understanding about the whole removing-the-ring situation after they hear those horror stories!
@Jen, Thanks for weighing in from a law perspective. It seems to make sense that they don't want to hire people who are distracted at work because their personal life spills over, but I can't help but be confused about why a young woman can't be dedicated to her family AND her job. It seems archaic to demand one or the other.
There is some advice on this issue up at Ms. JD as well.
http://ms-jd.org/ring-or-not-ring
@Anonymous, Thanks for the tip!
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