I've been thinking about the contrast between happiness and achievment. Often the greatest achievers aren't happy and the happiest people don't achieve great things. What does that mean?
As one who wants to achieve awesome stuff... it makes me feel uneasy. :-\
September 12, 2008 3:41 pm
KateNonymous
To put it another way, determine what your individual values are. For example, if what really matters to you is living within your means and at the moment a small apartment is what your salary supports, then it becomes easier to "not care" about the house you don't have.
I was talking with some co-workers about being an Achiever the other day.
One thing I said was that I set immortal, unachievable goals for myself ... but the kicker is that I don't care if I don't achieve them, because I know they're immortal. I'm content knowing that since I'm an Achiever, I always do a little better than my best, but that's all I can ask of myself.
Another is that I'm not overly concerned with the future, nor am I concerned with the present -- I live on my own time. That's how I stay happy as an Achiever.
Great post. :)
September 14, 2008 2:41 pm
t5
right on. i'm also a firm believer in the simple idea that "happiness is a choice" and it really is just as simple as that. If you try and complicate it any further you've missed the train, just choose to be happy, and choose to stay that way. Life can be beautiful.
Its often said that its not the items we possess that makes us unhappy its the items we wish we had.
And I think that speaks to the value system you briefly touched on. We give value to clothing, sunglasses, cars, granite counter tops and typically objects that only have a value of dollars or status which once purchased provide little satisfaction and merely moves out of the way for another material good to takes its place on the pedestal. there is nothing wrong with living in that environment, IF you can afford it and its not a major source of your "happiness" and self-worth.
But happiness being a choice you can exercise at all times, I do not agree with.
In my opinion, life is about challenges and there are so many facets to us that believing you can choose to be happy always I believe is an exercise in futility. I mean, people get sick, companies close down, the stock market crashes, your relationships end, etc etc., there are plenty of reasons to be unhappy throughout our life and I think perseverance is survival is sometimes more admiral than a fake a smile.
Its okay to feel sad and have a crappy day. People think they have to be happy all the time or they're not normal (see the rise in anti-depressant written scripts). I think its realizing we are all human and that shit happens. that's life. But when things are going well and you are happy...that's when we need to be 100% appreciative of that moment and love it and don't take it for granted, because next week you don't know what's going to happen. Those are the moments we should value.
great post though. To stop the perpetual search for the "American Dream" and taking time to appreciate your reality is a lesson i think we all could learn from.
If you're interested I wrote something similar based on my experiences watching The Last Lecture a few weeks ago.
I have heard interviews with so called "enlightened" people, and when asked how they would describe the feeling of being enlightened, they all described it in the same manner. They said it is not a joy, nor any emotion at all. It is more of an apathy. A feeling that the world is what it is and there is no feeling good or bad about it, things just are. So be happy if you want, be sad if you want, but no matter what, do what you want, and don't let others or the world around you determine how you feel about yourself, because most people suck anyway, so screw them.
@ Tommy
great comment and I think right on the money. Sounds like a post I may want to dive into in the future.
@ Joshua
that's possibly the most sincere and real comment or post I have yet to see on this site, so thanks for sharing and I'd be interested to continue the conversation.
September 15, 2008 12:32 am
Scott M
everybody talks about apathy but nobody does anything about it...
:)
I know that my life improved dramatically when I stopped letting things get to me in many ways, when I stopped caring about what people were saying behind my back, when I couldn't care less how I looked while dancing, etc.
"The Master does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. The ordinary man is always doing things, yet many more are left to be done." - Tao Te Ching (great book)
You are not wrong on this one. I recently found a quote that summed it up perfectly for me:
"We tend to seek happiness when happiness is actually a choice."
I think one of the biggest problems too is that the mind doesn't like happiness. At least not persistent happiness.
Why? Happiness is not good for survival.
It's the uneasiness and discontent that keeps you searching for another attainment, for security, etc. The mind fears if you're happy all the time, you won't have motivation towards survival. It's a tricky thing.
That's an interesting point Jonathan. I was speaking to my fiance and one thing I needed him to understand is that I survive from being happy. It is my first line of defense. When I fully stopped caring (it was a gradual process that started in HS) and realized that no one can take care of me or make me happy better than myself, I knew that my life would never be as fulfilling if I did not make sure that I was happy, in whatever way necessary.
Another thing about being happy is letting go of things that are out of your control. My fiance has a problem with happiness and his mind tells him that if he's happy, he's vulnerable and will, no doubt about it, get hurt. He trusts me to not hurt him since his happiest moments have been with me. But what about the parts of him that I can't help with?
People who cannot understand the "not caring" and "letting go" philosophies have lives that are never gratifying, constantly chaotic and their never at peace. The saddest part is their not ready to admit that its not the world but themselves. Self-sabotage is no joke.
Thanks for this great post. It brought my happy reader meter up a bit. =)
September 12, 2008 5:38 pm
Joshua
I just wish I could let go of my fear of death. If I could I would be fine. I'd get a better job, I'd buy my wife a house. My fear of death has put me in a bad spot.
THis is a fantastic post. Glad to see other people freeing their minds from the social matrix. I really like your writing style and post. can you send me the URL to your blog so I can add it on my blogroll?
THis is a fantastic post. Glad to see other people freeing their minds from the social matrix. I really like your writing style and post. can you send me the URL to your blog so I can add it on my blogroll?
Thanks,
Srinivas
September 16, 2008 9:58 am
Anonymous
IMHO it is okay to want to obtain goals and it's okay to just not care and it's okay to feel happy and it's okay to feel sad. There is a time and place for all of these emotions and states of mind in the cycle. If humans were all programed to dwell is a state of apathy throughout they're life cycle then we would not have survived as a species.
back to being apathetic at this point in my life cycle.
18 RESPONSES TO "THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS: STOP CARING"
I've been thinking about the contrast between happiness and achievment. Often the greatest achievers aren't happy and the happiest people don't achieve great things. What does that mean?
As one who wants to achieve awesome stuff... it makes me feel uneasy. :-\
To put it another way, determine what your individual values are. For example, if what really matters to you is living within your means and at the moment a small apartment is what your salary supports, then it becomes easier to "not care" about the house you don't have.
I think you could add three words to the end of "Stop Caring". Those would be "what others think".
I was talking with some co-workers about being an Achiever the other day.
One thing I said was that I set immortal, unachievable goals for myself ... but the kicker is that I don't care if I don't achieve them, because I know they're immortal. I'm content knowing that since I'm an Achiever, I always do a little better than my best, but that's all I can ask of myself.
Another is that I'm not overly concerned with the future, nor am I concerned with the present -- I live on my own time. That's how I stay happy as an Achiever.
Great post. :)
right on. i'm also a firm believer in the simple idea that "happiness is a choice" and it really is just as simple as that. If you try and complicate it any further you've missed the train, just choose to be happy, and choose to stay that way. Life can be beautiful.
Its often said that its not the items we possess that makes us unhappy its the items we wish we had.
And I think that speaks to the value system you briefly touched on. We give value to clothing, sunglasses, cars, granite counter tops and typically objects that only have a value of dollars or status which once purchased provide little satisfaction and merely moves out of the way for another material good to takes its place on the pedestal. there is nothing wrong with living in that environment, IF you can afford it and its not a major source of your "happiness" and self-worth.
But happiness being a choice you can exercise at all times, I do not agree with.
In my opinion, life is about challenges and there are so many facets to us that believing you can choose to be happy always I believe is an exercise in futility. I mean, people get sick, companies close down, the stock market crashes, your relationships end, etc etc., there are plenty of reasons to be unhappy throughout our life and I think perseverance is survival is sometimes more admiral than a fake a smile.
Its okay to feel sad and have a crappy day. People think they have to be happy all the time or they're not normal (see the rise in anti-depressant written scripts). I think its realizing we are all human and that shit happens. that's life. But when things are going well and you are happy...that's when we need to be 100% appreciative of that moment and love it and don't take it for granted, because next week you don't know what's going to happen. Those are the moments we should value.
great post though. To stop the perpetual search for the "American Dream" and taking time to appreciate your reality is a lesson i think we all could learn from.
If you're interested I wrote something similar based on my experiences watching The Last Lecture a few weeks ago.
http://www.perfectlyturbulent.com/the-last-lecture/
I have heard interviews with so called "enlightened" people, and when asked how they would describe the feeling of being enlightened, they all described it in the same manner. They said it is not a joy, nor any emotion at all. It is more of an apathy. A feeling that the world is what it is and there is no feeling good or bad about it, things just are. So be happy if you want, be sad if you want, but no matter what, do what you want, and don't let others or the world around you determine how you feel about yourself, because most people suck anyway, so screw them.
@ Tommy
great comment and I think right on the money. Sounds like a post I may want to dive into in the future.
@ Joshua
that's possibly the most sincere and real comment or post I have yet to see on this site, so thanks for sharing and I'd be interested to continue the conversation.
everybody talks about apathy but nobody does anything about it...
:)
Good post.
I know that my life improved dramatically when I stopped letting things get to me in many ways, when I stopped caring about what people were saying behind my back, when I couldn't care less how I looked while dancing, etc.
"The Master does nothing, yet leaves nothing undone. The ordinary man is always doing things, yet many more are left to be done." - Tao Te Ching (great book)
You are not wrong on this one. I recently found a quote that summed it up perfectly for me:
"We tend to seek happiness when happiness is actually a choice."
I think one of the biggest problems too is that the mind doesn't like happiness. At least not persistent happiness.
Why? Happiness is not good for survival.
It's the uneasiness and discontent that keeps you searching for another attainment, for security, etc. The mind fears if you're happy all the time, you won't have motivation towards survival. It's a tricky thing.
That's an interesting point Jonathan. I was speaking to my fiance and one thing I needed him to understand is that I survive from being happy. It is my first line of defense. When I fully stopped caring (it was a gradual process that started in HS) and realized that no one can take care of me or make me happy better than myself, I knew that my life would never be as fulfilling if I did not make sure that I was happy, in whatever way necessary.
Another thing about being happy is letting go of things that are out of your control. My fiance has a problem with happiness and his mind tells him that if he's happy, he's vulnerable and will, no doubt about it, get hurt. He trusts me to not hurt him since his happiest moments have been with me. But what about the parts of him that I can't help with?
People who cannot understand the "not caring" and "letting go" philosophies have lives that are never gratifying, constantly chaotic and their never at peace. The saddest part is their not ready to admit that its not the world but themselves. Self-sabotage is no joke.
Thanks for this great post. It brought my happy reader meter up a bit. =)
I just wish I could let go of my fear of death. If I could I would be fine. I'd get a better job, I'd buy my wife a house. My fear of death has put me in a bad spot.
Jonathan,
THis is a fantastic post. Glad to see other people freeing their minds from the social matrix. I really like your writing style and post. can you send me the URL to your blog so I can add it on my blogroll?
Thanks,
Srinivas
Jonathan,
THis is a fantastic post. Glad to see other people freeing their minds from the social matrix. I really like your writing style and post. can you send me the URL to your blog so I can add it on my blogroll?
Thanks,
Srinivas
IMHO it is okay to want to obtain goals and it's okay to just not care and it's okay to feel happy and it's okay to feel sad. There is a time and place for all of these emotions and states of mind in the cycle. If humans were all programed to dwell is a state of apathy throughout they're life cycle then we would not have survived as a species.
back to being apathetic at this point in my life cycle.
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?