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This weekend I overheard the following conversation:
Woman #1: I didn’t like her from the moment I saw her.
Woman #2: I know what you mean. I read an article yesterday and someone from her high school said she was “shallow.”
Guess who they were talking about?
Sarah Palin.
That’s right. That’s how these two women were talking “politics.” Not about pertinent issues, like Iraq, the economy, even reproductive rights. No, instead, they were focused on second-hand decades-old gossip and looks.
This post isn’t about politics. Regardless of your political views, the above conversation is pretty appalling. And, it got me thinking: Why would these women be so quick to jump on irrelevant issues, when there are so many relevant issues that could be discussed?
That’s when I remembered a book I bought at the YMCA book fair for $1 (I don’t get a lot of deals, so I had to throw that in there) called Tripping the Prom Queen by Susan Shapiro Brash.
I haven’t finished the book yet, but what I have read has been both mind-blowing and gut-wrenching . Mind-blowing in the fact that I can’t even believe some of the things these women say about other women and their experiences (husband stealing? really?). Gut-wrenching because I (unfortunately) can relate to some of these thoughts and experiences.
Here are just a few of the many, many examples (emphasis mine) of female rivalry:
The book’s countless examples of envy, greed, jealousy, backstabbing, and cutthroat behavior make it seem like we women need to live everyday in extreme fear of getting “tripped” by other women.
While I don’t think this is the case, I do think we need to watch how we react to the success of other women. I do think we should support other women (this doesn’t mean voting for them just because they're women). I do think we have an obligation to look beyond high school cattiness and shallow observations (and possibly our own insecurities) and get to the real issues.
As for the women I overheard this weekend: In their defense, I didn’t stick around the hear the rest of the conversation. Perhaps their conversation was perfectly innocent. I certainly don’t think they meant any harm or where necessarily “jealous” of Gov. Palin. Regardless, this post isn’t about them and it certainly isn’t about Sarah Palin. It’s about the unprecedented power of women and our decision to use that to use that power to tear each other down or bring each other up.
Great observation!
I've heard similar conversations...and have probably been apart of some as well.
In a similar situation, my boyfriend is a preschool teacher with all women, and he constantly gets more say than the other women teachers (even while being the newest employee) just because he's a male.
Which is great for him, but perfect example of women taking power from other women and giving it to men.
I've always felt that even my closest friends are sometimes jealous of me and it's something that has really been bogging me a lot over the years to the point that I'm now extremely wary of sharing good news with them, as I dread of what they would think and say behind my back.
I also feel that women at my work often involve in gossiping and backstabbing especially towards younger women who are doing well on their job or relationships etc.
It's a shame that today's culture is so gossip driven, that you can't seem to avoid it.
It's unfortunate that men are judged by their actions while women are judged by their relationships.
This is slightly off-topic, but I noticed that since I've been married, I feel much more free admiring women, and even telling them! I shocked a young woman who was with a group of hot young things dressed to impress by telling her how much I loved her shoes in front of all her friends. You could tell she was more used to cattiness and competition than flattery and admiration by the look on her face. She barely mustered a "thank-you" and looked around quickly to make sure no one hated her more than they did the moment before.
I think the Palin-bashing is silly. I might sound like a broken record but, can we please talk about platforms? (And I don't mean the high-heels!) : )
You know, though, I think things are getting better in this arena. Boomer chicks are so much more likely than Xers or Ys to think that they can be the only girl in the boardroom. My greatest career allies are women.
As far as the motherhood question, I see the points about the question being sexist, but I have an alternative theory. Motherhood and mothers are more valued than fatherhood and fathers. The fact that Palin's husband - who will stay at home with the kids - is not seen as competent to handle raising their children is also sexist.
The fact of the matter is, you can't be the VP of the USA and get home at 5:15 to cook dinner and help with homework. Palin will be giving up a lot of time with her young children if elected. That's also true for Barrack Obama. But the image is that you can get by with only seeing your father for short amounts of time and you need your mother more. I am not saying this is right - in fact I find it EXTREMELY offensive.
This is absolutely true--women often do more to keep each other down than men do.
Here's an article that absolutely appalled me at the New York Times about how Sarah Palin is opening up a new debate about motherhood. The debate is: does she have the right to try to be a VP nominee and a mom at the same time? How can she have time to do both?
Could you imagine anyone asking this about a male candidate?
And the worst of it is that it's not men asking this question. It's other women. Being female doesn't give you the right to be sexist.
That's pretty fascinating. I think this happens because men are generally more transparent -- if they have a problem with you, it will be right out in the open. Many women are the "stab-you-in-the-back" type -- they will be nice to your face, but not once you're gone. I noticed this in high school. Guys who disliked each other were very open about it, but girls -- they'd act like best buddies, but the minute one of the girls would leave, they would say, "Oh my god, she is SUCH a bitch!" I'm not sure why this is, but I hate it, and it's why I have always gotten along better with guys. Girls seem like the type that are more likely to sabotage each other out of jealousy. It's very annoying and makes me frightened of every having a female child. After all, Mean Girls was based on a real book with real stories, though exaggerated a bit.
Emily:
That behavior even goes back to childhood. Boys compete to be the alpha male, then the others fall in line. Girls try to keep everyone at the same level, therefore, when someone tries to be the alpha, they get pulled back down.
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