This was the title of a recent sermon I heard last Sunday at church. It struck a chord because it put into words an often overlooked reality: real change takes community.

Many of today’s most popular authors, talk-show hosts, and life coaches preach that YOU have the power to change yourself. If you just look inside yourself, focus on enough positive thoughts, profess the correct words over yourself, than you can do it. And why not? The thought strikes an emotional chord in all of us. We desperately want to believe that we hold the power of change inside of us. But we don’t.

All of us have tried to change things on our own and how has that worked out? Maybe you are a superman or woman, but I would be lying if I told you that my solo-attempts at change resulted in great success. From working out more consistently, to becoming more patient, to sticking to a budget…constant failure. Each time was like running my car into a brick wall, backing up, pressing harder on the gas pedal and running into it again. Why? I was ignoring an inconvenient truth:

Change does not happen in isolation, change happens in the midst of quality human relationships.

Why do we run from this reality? Could it be that in our pride we don’t like the idea of exposing our weaknesses to others? Does it hurt our ego’s that maybe we can’t do everything on our own?

There is a toxic idea being preached in modern society that the strength of a man or woman is found in their independence. It’s a false and destructive idea.

We are the strongest when we are connected to others.

Since creation, man has been meeting together in groups whenever something needs to be accomplished. And in the process of meeting a need, each member of the group is strengthened. The local church, Alcoholics Anonymous, the Freemasons, political parties, book clubs, and bowling leagues just to name a few. In all of it, there is a common understanding that two heads are better than one and the strengths and weaknesses found in a diverse group of people can be matched in a way that makes everyone better.

But lately this trend of civic, religious, political and every other type of community involvement has taken a nosedive. Robert Putnam’s landmark study of American community in “Bowling Alone,” showed a distinct trend of more isolation rather than connectedness. This dangerous pattern must be reversed, and quickly.

If you want lasting, meaningful change, you must surround yourselves with people who can help guide you in the right direction. In my own life, the local church has provided a crucial role in helping me develop into the type of person I want to be.

Without the relationships I experienced in this setting I would still be stuck fighting the same personal struggles I was 6 years ago…no progress. Instead I have been able to grow, develop and in doing so help mentor others in the same areas in which I used to struggle.

Real development and real change because of real relationships.

The following are just a few benefits of being part of a community:

1) Empathy - in a community of diverse people with various backgrounds, the chances of meeting someone who has already gone through the very things you struggle with are quite high. Someone will understand where you’re coming from and this will provide you with encouragement and a feeling of safety and trust.

2) Accountability - As I have blogged about before, there is no use developing a personal goal unless you plan on having someone hold you accountable. Someone to call you each week and make sure you are staying on track, someone to walk through the process with you. Being a part of community automatically gives you a support team ready to hold you accountable.

3) Collective Wisdom - Great decisions happen in the counsel of many advisers. The “wisdom of the crowds” makes being connected to a strong and intelligent crowd incredibly important when trying to navigate through life. If you don’t know the answer to a question, someone in your community probably does. Your weaknesses are offset by community’s strengths.

4) Networking - Ever met those people in life that have “a guy” for almost everything? They navigate through life with ease because they know the right people. Are they just lucky? Chances are, they have discovered the power of networking. Being part of a healthy community offers countless opportunities to network and in doing so make connections that will greatly benefit every area of your life.

Being a part of a community like your local church, reading group, or running club is the quickest way to make the changes you desire in your personal life a reality. By connecting with like-minded people and being open and honest, real change can and will happen. So quit trying to do it on your own and become an active member of a community because life is meant to be shared with others.