Print This
Email This
Back in the day, it was normal to get married at 22 years old. My parents did. And most likely so did yours.
You found someone you loved and you created a life together.
Fairly recently, it seems as though no one wants to be Mrs. or Mr. anyone anymore. Everyone wants to be their own person. I am absolutely all for that.
In fact, I think that is what is causing all of these divorces. Or the lack of that, I should say.
People whether young or old, are realizing they have no identity. They don’t know who they are. Look at Linda Hogan (ex-wife of Hulk Hogan), for example. She lived the quintessential American dream life.
Yet, she appeared miserable on so many episodes of the reality show ‘Hogan Knows Best’. Why? I think deep down she was tired of being Mrs. Hulk Hogan. She wanted to be her own person.
Life is all about expressing ourselves. The things we do are expressions of who we are and what we love and the impact we wish to make.
But when you don’t know who you are (how can you at 22 years old?), how can you become your own person?
I think the best relationships are comprised of two solid independent happy people. I say happy even though it’s a very over used word these days because the people who say, “I just wish I had a boyfriend/girlfriend” are not happy people. At least, not by themselves.
If they were truly happy they wouldn’t be complaining that they needed a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
The feeling of ‘love’ is an easy cover up to not figure out who you are and what you love doing whether you get paid for it or not.
Although, it’s beautiful to dream about being a mother and father and living in a big house and being the best wife or husband you can be…there’s more to life. That can’t be your entire life. Or else, your entire life relies on other people making you happy.
And I’m still getting lip about my marriage post. Let me make myself clear. I’m not against marriage. I dream of all the great things I believe marriage has to offer. I dream of it all. Trust me.
But I am against marriage at a young age. I am against going from relationship to relationship.
Until you know who you are and how to be truly happy by yourself; I don’t believe you can truly be happy with anyone else.
But as they say, to each his own.
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles, subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
Recent Comments
Popular Posts
10 RESPONSES TO "OUR PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED AND WHY YOU MIGHT, TOO"
In your opinion, how young is "too young" to get married?
Can't you be Mr. or Mrs. and still be your own person? Getting married doesn't mean losing your identity. And furthermore, I'm really struck by the amount of assumptions and generalizations in this post.
"Fairly recently, it seems as though no one wants to be Mrs. or Mr. anyone anymore. Everyone wants to be their own person."
Really? Has anyone done studies on this? Or are you basing this (and your entire post) on a small circle of friends? Where are you getting this?
This is a ramble, not a blog post.
@ Anna - I think you missed my point.
Absolutely could be some assumptions and generalizations, however, and it could just be me, I just feel like there is this whole empowerment movement sweeping our nation. Some might even call it a trend.
I'm sorry I don't have any articles to link to or scientific studies but it's just this feeling I get.
You're seeing more and more women come out of the wood works to start their own businesses. You're seeing more and more women who want to keep their careers. More and more people volunteering.
I just feel like back in the day it was acceptable to be a stay at home mom. And it still is.
However, it seems like it's just as acceptable to leave your husband (or wife) and start all over when you're in your 50's.
Here's some proof: I have an older friend who told me most of her friends are getting divorced and it's the women leaving the men. (And this post is not meant to be about women vs. men.)
Also, you are 100% right. Getting married doesn't mean losing your identity.
But what I really believe is this and like the title says:
"Until you know who you are and how to be truly happy by yourself; I don’t believe you can truly be happy with anyone else."
And I think that's why people are getting divorced.
(I love that above this box it says "speak your mind") I'd like to start off by saying that I appreciate the spirit of your post. It is important to know yourself and be happy with yourself before trying to be in a relationship. I also understand your statement that you are against getting married at a young age. However, I got married at 18. I was lucky enough to find the love of my life, and confident enough in our relationship to make that commitment. I feel that you as a person can easily grow while married. But it's important to communicate with each other and grow together. My husband has already decided what he wants to do. I change my mind every couple months or so. And that's ok, because I'm figuring out exactly what makes me tick. But I have the joy of sharing that with my husband. I consider myself an evolved woman. I'm married, but I also work full-time and have friends separate from my husband, and he does the same. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
@ Holly - As long as you can be truly happy by yourself then it doesn't matter. I think our 20's, especially young 20's, is the first time in our life when we really are alone and we can really do what we want to do.
I think we should embrace this time to grow in every way possible...and I just wonder how much you can learn about yourself and grow when the feeling of 'love' is slowing you down.
Adam, I totally understand your point of view. In fact my mom always said to me that it is important to be by yourself for a while but that was because I went directly from one long term relationship into an engagement.
Love can be an inhibitor at times but if you are with someone and 'love' is able to pull you away from yourself can that be referred to as 'love' or lack of self control. I am in 'love' now but I am discovering more and more about myself every day. I've experienced the 'love' that holds you back and it sucks!
But I understand your apprehension about marrying young. Sure it's possible to grow with someone in a relationship but there is a greater chance of breaking up due to outgrowing someone or discovering that what you thought you wanted and needed in a person is not working for you anymore.
As Rachel said, it takes extra communication and understanding but like I wrote in one of my latest posts use the engagement time to get all or most of this stuff out. (http://randomsuccess.blogspot.com/2008/08/getting-most-out-of-my-engagem...)
You are dead on. I think there are very few and fortunate marriages in which both parties are able to feel successfully independent identities. There is nothing wrong, unless for personal moral beliefs, of being a longtime lover or partner with someone and never get married.
As a typical elder would say, you are very wise for your age!
True, our early 20's are a time of personal growth and change, but is there a time in life when that personal growth stops? Saying one shouldn't get married in their early 20's because they are still becoming their own person seems a bit short sighted. A strong marriage can survive even the quarter life crisis.
This is a great post. The thing is that we're all constantly trying to define ourselves, no matter how old you are. If you're going to wait to get married until you have a full grasp of who you are, then you're never going to get married. We're all always changing, and growing, and defining ourselves in new ways.
Because we're always growing and changing, many people grow apart. So when you get married, you're taking a gamble that you and your spouse will always grow together.
You do have to be a strong, independent person, but we all need love and support. I think the strongest couples are the ones who have similar passions, and goals in life. My husband and I aren't in the same industry, but we're both artists and entrepreneurs, and we make a great team. We develop our goals and passion individually and together, which helps us stay on the same path.
There's a quote by Antoine de Saint Exupéry that sums it up perfectly. "Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but looking outward together in the same direction."
Speak for yourself and your parents. My parents aren't getting divorced ever. Mom died on their 61st anniversary, and Dad has vowed never to remarry. Mom was 18 and Dad was 21 when they got married in January of 1941.
GOT SOMETHING TO SAY?