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Jun Loayza is using Brazen Careerist to share ideas. Join now to become a member and start networking with Jun Loayza and other professionals just like you. Learn more.
How do you want to live your life? Are you content with living a comfortable life working your 9-5? If you look inside of you, I believe you will find that you want to reach self-actualization. You want to reach a point in your life where you are making a positive contribution to the world.
Whoa whoa… wait a minute here! Sex is overrated? What?… have you lost your balls or something? What’s wrong with you?…
Fun filled nights full of debauchery and girls came easy. My third year at UCLA was one big blur where I would wake up half naked every other night not knowing where I had left my jeans, shoes, or dick. I would laugh at people who stayed up studying all night and who got straight A’s saying, “Why don’t you have some fun for once in your life?” I liked the excitement of meeting a new girl, enjoyed the chase, but most of all, I loved making her fall for me. I was trapped in a game and let my animal instincts take control of me.
In that period of my life, I did not care about anything but instant gratification. I was lost, and I would ignore thoughts about the future by turning to my favorite pass time--girls. For you, it could be video games, TV shows, or alcohol.
Productivity. What does it mean to be truly productive with your life? Hanging out with friends and drinking alcohol all night is fun for the moment, but I always wake up in the morning vowing to never drink again. Same with video games. You spend all of your time leveling-up your character and getting new features, only to have your hard work made completely insignificant once the new version of the game comes out.
There is nothing wrong with me. I love sex. My girlfriend is amazing. But I now understand that short-term moments of happiness are minuscule in the grand scheme of life.
How do you want to live your life? Are you content with living a comfortable life working your 9-5? If you look inside of you, I believe you will find that you want to reach self-actualization. You want to reach a point in your life where you are making a positive contribution to the world. You want to be able to say that the world was a better place because you existed.
The best way to reach the point of self-actualization is to play your life as if it were an RPG (Role Playing Game):
There are many studies that have shown that great sex makes you healthier and happier. Therefore, if I was not getting any because I didn’t meet any girls this week, then my work would be greatly affected because I would be unhealthy and sad. If I was getting a lot of sex this week because I met a lot of girls, my work would still suffer because I would be spending all of my time and energy getting girls rather than on my startup. Find the perfect relationship because you will be healthy, happy, and you’ll be able to spend a lot of time on your startup.So this post is not about “Sex” being overrated. It is about getting you to strive for something more. Entrepreneurship is how I will contribute to society and make the world a better place. How will you do it?
Hey Jun - I agree with you on all points except for the last one with one caveat. While I agree that a perfect long term relationship will leave a person happy and fulfilled in the long run, it has to be taken up at the right time in one's life. I believe once someone has achieved what they want to achieve with their life in terms of career success than a relationship should be pursued. As we all know, a relationship requires a regular time investment to nurture and grow. The time requirement however, will take away from other pursuits in one's life, such as career success. On the other hand, it's possible to have both because Rob Kiyosaki mentions his wife several times in his books as he grew his business. He and his wife shared the same goals of starting and growing a business though so it worked out. Not all girls are like Rob Kiyosaki's wife though so it's important to remember that sometimes a long term relationship may require sacrifices of one's time and that sacrifice may include giving up part of one's time in his or her pursuit of career success.
First, I think you're very lucky to have a relationship that both suppresses your desire to "chase girls left and right" and at the same time does not interfere with your entrepreneurial goals. Your girlfriend must be amazing! :) You talk about a couple of other scenarios that may affect your work; but I think you could have also found yourself with an attention and time demanding girl who would have just as negatively affected your health and attitude towards work. I know that for many girls, behaviors along the lines of "not being clingy" is something easier said than done..
I've always found passion in opening up opportunities for others (ie those who may be underprivileged in one way or other). For example, in college I went to an elementary school to do science experiments every week. I could feel that some of these activities were helping to unlock something within them that could in the future enable them to gravitate towards math and science, when they might have otherwise prematurely written it off in fear of being a "nerd" or "geek". That's just one example. If I could, I would love to give everyone the equal opportunity to be exposed to all the wonderful things I've have the opportunity to experience and more. I'm getting carried away in dreamland, but I always think about how different things could be, and it makes me sad to think that someone living in the depths of some underdeveloped community could have been the next Albert Einstein but is instead confined in some area that does not allow him or her to have the ability to live up to his or her potential.
I haven't quite figured it out yet, but in a nutshell, that... is where I hope to find my contribution to society :) If you would like to join me on this quest, then by all means.. hit me up!
Hi Debbie,
Great comment. I would love to join you or help you on your "quest" as much as possible. Giving back to society is a goal that I feel we should all strive for.
You're right, I am very lucky to be in a relationship where we do not depend on each other or NEED to be with each other 24/7. I don't think an entrepreneur could succeed in any other type or relationship.
- Jun
Well, I gotta disagree with you. At least here at the UChicago, some people prefer your 3rd year life style.. well kind of.
I have a bunch of friends who are "too busy to be in a relationship". If you are a guy, you are often expected to commit more time on girls (plan dates, buy flowers, etc). If you are a girl, you are often expected to have a certain conduct and behave like a "good girl". And lots of people here don't want to "waste time" on that.
You go to the library during the day, go to a party at night (because you would do something fun anyway). Pick up a girl/guy. Do your thing. Possibly exchange numbers (probably never use them). And in the morning you are free - classes, library, anything - no commitment of responsibilities. This way one can get lots of sex (which will be exciting too, since each time is like a first time, and each time is unlike any others since you have a new partner every time), yet you don't have to do any follow-ups.
These people think that relationships are much more of a distraction since you often have to be at places or do things for your other half rather than living your own life. To them being single and having a talent at making any night special is much more relaxing than any kind of permanent commitment...
The overall argument of this article is essentially to be productive in life by contributing to society in a positive way...and it is juxtaposed to the idea of sex in saying that sex can be detrimental to that attitude because you spend more time trying to get sex instead of doing positive things. This argument is somewhat flawed because it implies that you can find the "perfect relationship". It is easy to say that you can find the perfect girl/guy who will allow you to do your work so you can be happy and productive both personally and professionally, but it isn't very easy to find that. Personally, I have found that relationship, but for many it is what they search for all their life. Someone could be the most successful entrepreneur in the world but could be miserable because they have no one to love and no one to love them.
I think what it comes down to on a grander scale is essentially to be happy...it does sound trite and it is easiser said than done but that's what it comes down to folks. And happiness is different for everybody. One can't say that you shouldn't live for short term gratification because perhaps that chase and instant gratification is what makes them happy versus a committed long term relationship. And maybe being an entrepreneur isn't for everybody...they'd rather work a 9-5 job and not have a lot of stress. Some people are perfectly happy living a simple life where they dont have to make a significant impact on the world. On their death bed, if you ask people what thing they're most proud of a majority of people will say that raising children who are good people is what they are most proud of.
I actually sorta agree with you. Even though I'm an incorrigible skirt chaser, I tend to think sex is not a big deal. What it boils down to is sex (and chasing chicks) shouldn't run your life. What's MUCH more important to me at this stage is wealth building, and I don't mind putting sex on the back burner for stretches while I work on personal projects.
I think on a more practical level, guys shouldn't get all bent out of shape when a girl dumps him or ignores him, and girls shouldn't define themselves by their ability to attract a high value mate. I say focus on what you're "gift" is, do that thing to the best of your ability, and look for mates secondarily.
I sometimes like to think about it like a batting average for making babies.
Sounds like your average is somewhere around 0:300.
I tried to leave a comment on your blog, but clicking the "Submit" button took me to Feedburner's email subscription signup form.
Lame way to get subscribers.
Hi AJ,
Thanks for letting me know about this problem! I was wondering why I had not received any comments recently.
I assure you, I was not trying to get people to subscribe in this way. Thanks
Sorry for jumping to conclusions!
"There is nothing wrong with me. I love sex."
I just really love these two sentences! Great post!
It's said that 90% of what we do is motivated by sex.
Don’t judge based on popularity or blind reciprocity, instead make sure they “get it” and just as importantly, that their followers “get it”. More...
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