I used to think it was just me who had the idea of being a “crazy cat lady” when I finally became an old spinster, but it turns out this is every independent woman’s dream.

Women: You may deny it, but every time you watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” or “King of Queens” or any other show that represents an unmotivated man married to a hot, successful woman, I know a part of you wants to hurry to the nearest alley to collect as many strays as can fit in your newly acquired shopping cart.

The question is, why does CBS and other networks try to sell this idea to the masses? Independent women being okay with, and even loving a man who’s only goal in life is to fart on his couch?

Answer: It’s all about the modern day witch hunt. To crush the witches by marrying them off to immature dunces.

Think about it: Back in the day, successful women were declared witches and then burned at the stake. And last time I checked, it was kind of illegal to call a woman a witch and then burn her at the stake. No matter if she’s made of wood or not. So what do we do?

We can pair her forever with dead weight. In the form of Kevin James. Perfect modern day handicapping of a woman who was really going to be somebody until she had to take care of her juvenile ball-and-chain.

Now, let me just say that I am nowhere near against marriage. I think there are some good men and women out there that can work well together to become successful people together and apart. But when sitcoms are bottling up the idea of men sitting back and letting their unhappy, overworked wives take charge of their lives, I say count me out of that love affair.

Yet, some women are buying it. If not in the CBS sitcom evening hour, then in fashion television.

I just got done watching a show entitled, “How Do I Look?” where a team of fashionable women picked on this hippy, dog-walker lady who everyone called “Crazy Linda.”

And why was she “crazy”?! Because she wore tie-dye. Apparently anyone who wears tie-dye is wearing the mark of insanity. Much as owning a cat is the mark of spinsterhood. All of which are the marks of witches.

The part that killed me about this “How Do I Look?” show was the fact that the only reason this woman wanted a makeover was because no man would give her a chance while she was in tie-dye.

As was dubbed the tag line for poor crazy Linda, “Will she drop her dated look for a chance at love or remain dateless?”

The point being: A man can find a hot, intelligent, successful woman while sitting in his underwear, complaining about not getting enough sex while “crazy Linda” can’t find one person interested in looking beyond a tie-dye shirt.

Modern day witch-hunt.

We may not identify our witches as those “pagan” women who are lighter than a duck, and able to float like wood (Monty Python, anyone? anyone?), but we do call them out on their love of tie-dye, fondness for cats and all things ceramic.

As a member of a new generation coming into power, I hope we teach our children that it’s okay to be a woman and not know a thing about fashion. To be a woman and not know how to put on make-up or have at least “five sure-fire ways to get rid of wrinkles.”

And above all, I hope we teach our children that being a man is nothing like being a Jim Belushi or Homer Simpson.

That we should all be exactly like Angela Lansbury and Dick Van Dyke. Because that was the true point of this post.