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Email ThisWhen you have a chronic illness, it can undoubtedly affect your ability to work, especially if your job requires you to be in an office full-time. The hardest part of this juggling act is trying to figure out the greater priority is — listening to your body or being a good employee?
As I’ve mentioned, I suffer from IBS and sleep apnea. Today, both were working against me. I slept horribly last night and woke up feeling like a zombie, and my stomach wasn’t feeling great either. Some nights when I sleep badly, I can still function relatively well the next day, but today it was so bad it was hard to even accomplish basic tasks. When I’m that sleep deprived, the smallest of things seem hard and I get weepy very easily. Several people looked at me today and asked me if I felt OK. I must have looked like hell.
Every ounce of me wanted to go home and crawl in bed. My eyes were aching to shut and my body was begging to lay down. My brain function was zilch. But my mind was telling me that I needed to be a good employee and tough it out. My boss and co-workers know about my health problems and are sympathetic, but I don’t want them to think I’m dead weight or weak or lazy. I try to tough it out whenever I can. Today I kept telling myself if I could make it one more hour, I could go home, but kept trying to stay. Things got worse and worse, and finally around noon when I was on the verge of tears because I could barely finish some basic fact-checking, I decided to go home and take the rest of the day off, using up half a sick day.
Coming home was a good choice. I curled into bed and napped for a while. I rested on the couch and watched some television. It was just what I needed, but I hated that I was having to use up another part of a sick day. We’re granted only 10 a year, and I’ve already used up half of them for doctor appointments and days like this. When my stomach is really upset but I’m still able to get work done, I’ll sometimes get permission to work from home and not count it as a sick day. On days like this, however, when the main problem is exhaustion, I can’t be productive and must use another precious sick day (or half-day).
I’m afraid of what’s going to happen if I run out of sick days but still have a few months of the year left. I’ve heard that some businesses are more strict about this than others. My friend in Germany was confused when I told him we had sick days in America — he said when you feel bad, you stay home, end of story. But is that fair to everyone? If I miss work more frequently than others, I have an excuse because I have chronic health problems, but I’m sure it would peeve my coworkers and make me look like a slacker, even though they don’t have the same problems. Wouldn’t everybody like to work less?
Now that I’ve been home most of the afternoon and rested, I feel so much better. I am no longer feeling completely discombobulated and on edge. Coming home was the best thing I could do for my body and health. But what about my job? Are they concerned I’ve been taking too much time off? Do they think my health problems are interfering with my job? Does it appear that I’m not pulling my weight? I just hope that when I am there and feeling well, that my hard work shows. I don’t want to compromise my health just to look like a good worker bee, but I don’t want to lose my job because I’m sick so often.
I’ve only been in the working world for just over a year, so these issues are still somewhat new to me, and I’m still trying to figure out this balancing act. If things get really bad, I’ll have to sit down with my boss and discuss my options. And maybe with my next employer, I’ll need to be up-front about this and work out a special situation, like allowing me to work from home one or two days a week.
Days like this that make me think at some point I’ll have to switch from office work to freelancing, though that brings up many more issues. If you have a chronic illness, how do you cope when it affects your work?
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Are you sure you ONLY have IBS? You might ask your doctor if you are really coping with fibromyalgia. I have been dealing with fibro for 30 years, from back when the doctors thought it was all in your head and the only med offered for it was Valium. IBS can be one of the symptoms of fibro, especially if you take a lot of meds like ibuprofen which can irritate the bowels.
For your work situation, try “intermittant FMLA”. Your HR dept should be able to give you the forms that your doctor fills out to request this. That is what I use. I still have to use a sick day or vacation day if I want to get paid but they can’t count it as an ‘incident’. At my job, 3 incidents in one year means ‘counseling’, (as if talking could cure us of our ailments), and more than three can mean probation or termination. Might it still affect my career? Certainly, in terms of promotion, etc. But staying healthy and dealing with a condition that can only be managed but never cured is my top priority, since it affects all areas of my life. Also, look for support groups. You may find them under ‘chronic pain’ or somesuch, but they are definitely helpful and often have the latest information and options available for folks that deal with cronic issues. I wish you the best of luck.
Hi Regina,
Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering from chronic health issues, too! I am quite confident I don’t have fibromyalgia because I have no chronic pain (minus some stomach aches), which I’ve read is the key symptom. I do have all the symptoms of IBS and sleep apnea, though (the apnea is what makes me groggy and exhausted — it has been documented in a sleep study; we’re in the process of looking into surgery to have my tonsils removed to fix it).
But I do appreciate the info about the intermittent FMLA — I didn’t know that was a possibility. We don’t have an HR department unfortunately, just an office manager, but I’ll definitely look into it.
Thanks for reading!
Emily
Are you using a CPAP machine for sleeping, to compensate for the apnea? That’s probably your best bet for getting the rest you need, so that you’ll be alert and rested during the day. My dad has apnea, and prior to getting the CPAP, he got in a pretty bad car accident when he fell asleep driving, so do whatever you can to be safe and rested!
I was also diagnosed with IBS ten years ago…and for me, it wasn’t true either. I’m actually allergic to wheat. I remember well the gut sickness, and now I’m actually thankful for it, as my body gives me a severe reminder to eat only what is truly nourishing to me, and I haven’t had an attack in years - it requires dedication to stay on track, but listening to your body is the best gift you can give yourself.
And BTW, I haven’t used a sick day in 2 years, which is a good thing since my current job has NO sick time - we have to use precious vacation days - a horrible idea because everyone comes to work sick, but it’s what I have. Be thankful for those 10 sick days, and be well!
Hi Jenn,
Yes, they have me trying a CPAP right now, but the issue is I also have problems falling asleep, and I can’t fall asleep with this darn thing on — it’s so bulky, loud, and uncomfortable. Even with the sleep meds they gave me, I just can’t sleep with it. Not cool! I have an appointment next week to see if surgery may be the next option since they think the cause of the apnea is my tonsils.
One of my docs thought my IBS may be gluten intolerance — they tested me for Celiac twice — but they said I don’t have it. I’ve read that tons of people have it and don’t know it, though.
I’m sorry to hear you have no sick days — that must be hard. Thanks for your comment, and hang in there!
Emily
I went through a period where I had a chronic illness and a developing career. I was honest with my supervisor about my condition (without being graphic) and I was able to flex my hours around doctor’s appointments. I made sure to get documentation for all of my missed days and I also took short term disability leave for one of my surgeries (I ended up having 3 in one year). When I was at work, I preformed at 110% to show I was a competent and valuable employee. When it came time for my performance evaluation, it was noted that I had called in sick for more than the maximum number of days but it was also noted that it was for a documented medical condition. The best advice I could give would be to know your own limits and to document as much as possible.
Sorry, I thought of a couple more points I wanted to make. Intermittent FMLA gives you the time you need (up to 12 weeks in one year) in the increments that you need (a day or two here and there) to take care of yourself and keep yourself functional, which is what you need to think of for the long haul. My boss and coworkers know that if I take a day or two now and then to nip it in the bud, that prevents longer absences later, and FMLA is the tool that allows that to happen. However, if you use intermittent FMLA make sure your coworkers know that you still have to use sick days or vacation days in order to get paid, assuming that’s the case. I found out that my coworkers thought I got all this time off WITH PAY and still had all my vacation days to use. Once I explained the reality to one or two people and the word got around I noticed folks had a more relaxed and accepting attitude toward me. And using FMLA and just knowing that I can take the time off that I need, when I need it, is a huge stress reliever.
And as I said in my earlier email, might it affect work as far as promotions, etc? Yes, it might, and I have had to learn to be okay with that. Stress is one of the biggest triggers for chronic conditions. Anything that adds too much stress is simply not worth it to me any more. Yes, I love my job and I really enjoy doing it, but now I just can’t worry about getting that next promotion or even getting that star assignment that sounds great but really just means months of overtime, headaches, stress and ultimately flare-ups. I’ll take a lesser assignment and do my outstanding best at it and enjoy it to the fullest, and at the end of the day still be in shape to go home and spend time with my family and friends. That is much more fun than killing myself at work and dragging myself home only to collapse in bed until the next morning when I have to do it all again. Of course, it took me twenty miserable years to learn that. I hope you learn it a lot quicker and make choices to benefit you and your situation.
Thanks for listening a second time.
I read somewhere about people incorporating their lifestyle, personality type, etc. into their career plan. In a future career search, perhaps you can consider a company that offers a more generous paid time off/sick leave package and/or teleworking for employees. Sometimes, benefits like sick leave, teleworking, training, etc. can trump salary and other factors.
Maybe we humans were not ment to work 40 hours a week regardless of our current health. Maybe, if we are tired, we are supposed to sleep instead of go into an office and feel horrible all day. What we NEED is food and shelter, what we have is this civilization that is obsessed with working WAY TOO MUCH. And although we do now have to work in order to maintain food and shelter, the past several thousand years has become progressively worse in terms of what we spend our lives doing (working in an office for 2100 hours a year.
I can definitely relate, Emily. I have OSA and it makes some days unbearable. At my part-time job I forget tiny details that cause a lot of problems and I get in trouble for it. I never use the excuse that I have a sleep disorder, even though I want to.
I refused to use the CPAP- so got a TAP appliance- the mouth guard thing that keeps your jaw from retracting during sleep- a few weeks ago. It helps a little bit- I feel more rested and clear- but there are still bad days and I still can’t sleep on my back. I might eventually get the same surgery you’re having.
It’s so frustrating trying to balance your health and your work on top of medical bills. I just hope we learn more about apnea as time goes on and employers help out in dealing with it.
Hi Emily. Thanks for sharing your story. I think you made the right decision by going home and getting rest. I have repetitive strain injury (tendonitis, bone spur, carpal tunnel, etc) on both arms and I’m an editor. Not a great combination. I have a lot of fear and worry around what to do with my career because what I want to do–write–hurts me more than anything else.
I make sure to take plenty of breaks, do stretches, I’ve been in physical therapy, I go to Hellerwork to break up adhesions in my muscles and work on my posture, and yes, when my hands and arms are stinging, sore and numb, that’s a sick day for me. I rarely get colds. When I’m sick, it’s because I can’t use my hands. In my last job, I took short term disability so I could fully rest and get physical therapy. It was very helpful but only a short term option.
Guy, I’m with you. I don’t think our standard work lives are in anyway natural or conducive to anything remotely resembling health.
@Guy
You have got to be kidding me.
Not meant to work 40 hours per week?!
The past several thousand years life have become progressively worse?!
I have a hard time swallowing that we are worse off than we were in 1900 let alone when we were cavemen.
Even if we have to work 60 hours per week today, you could not even begin to compare those hardships our ancestors faced while having to grow and store our own food (or hunt/gather), dodging wild animals, or being without the aid of wheeled vehicles or modern utilities.
I would bet my life that the pursuit of even the most spartan existence in times more than 100 years ago was far more taxing on the human race than life in the developed world is today.
As Everybody Loves Raymond’s Frank Barone might say, “Suck it up Nancy.”
Hi Emily,
It makes me so sad when I read about other people having IBS. I was diagnosed three years ago and its been an ongoing struggle to figure out exactly what I can eat. After a career change that essentially put me on the couch for a year, I realized that my IBS was very closely linked to my stress levels.
When I am very stressed, I cut out my gluten (I’ve been tested for celiac numerous times, but I feel better when I eat gluten-free). I also try to relieve my stress with yoga and working out. It seems to work for me!
I hope you figure something out. Take the time to listen to your body and I’m sure you will find a solution for a better quality of life at work and at home!
Thanks for your comments and insight, everyone. I hate that there are so many of us suffering from chronic illnesses, but I love that we can use the internet to come together to share advice and support one another. Best wishes to you all!
Emily
I can completely related to what you go through Emily. I had ulcerative colitis for 5 horrible years (surgery took the colon out) and there were times that I went from the bathroom to bed, just sleeping. Living with a chronic illness with debilitating symptoms can make being employed outside of your house difficult. It sounds as if you’re doing all that you can in terms of getting the support you need at work. It’s hard to know what makes symptoms worse but you will know when the time comes that you can no longer hold a job like you’re in. In the meantime, try to stay focused on contuing to be as communicative as possible about what you can and can’t do so people don’t feel you’ve let them down. And don’t waste your time worrying that you’re not holding up your own. I’ve often been surprised how forgiving people can be when they know you care and are doing your best. Regina had some good points about using FMLA and reducing your own expectations. Keep writing. It clearly helps you figure things out and know that you’re not alone in this.
Rosalind