I love my family, but often their lives have more drama than a decent-sized middle school. I noticed this particularly after spending a weekend vacation with my mom recently. Her drama is mostly work- and man-related, and often it seems to be the only thing she wants to talk about. I noticed her drama (and even mine) stood out sharply compared to the lives of my cousin and his wife, who have a toddler and are remarkably laid back about everything. I mean, as a young couple starting out, I’m sure they have financial drama, relationship drama, and of course small child drama, but it never shows.

That’s when I realized that drama feeds on conversation. Drama isn’t drama unless people talk about it and fan the flames. My mom’s life seems so dramatic because she’s often telling me about it in vivid, tormented detail. This couple seems so laid back because they don’t discuss personal things freely – they keep their messages positive, general, and even entertaining, but don’t go into the dirty details.

So, I decided that I am going to strive for a drama-free life (or at least the appearance of one). And to do this, I need to identify my drama-queen moments. 1) Ranting about my boyfriend. 2) Complaining about work or work-related issues. 3) Sharing way too much information in response to simple questions. 4) Dwelling on any and every “issue” I have to deal with.

Now that I’ve pegged the problem, here are the super-easy ways I’m going to cut back on the visible drama.

1. Keep my personal life personal. When someone asks how things are going with my boyfriend, I’m going to respond casually, generally, and not feel that the request for information was an invitation for me to re-hash our most recent argument. That’s our business, and no one really cares anyway.
2. Don’t talk about things that make me feel angry. If I’ve just had a bad day at work, it’s one thing to come home and vent to a close friend. It’s another thing entirely to fume about one bad day when asked how work is going. Remember, a lot of people are only asking to be polite. They want to hear that you’re doing well, not that a coworker is driving you up a wall.
3. Concentrate more on asking questions. Too often when people ask me general questions about my life, I give a long elaborate (read: TMI) answer and fail to ask them anything about their lives. So, by making a conscious effort to be the interested person rather than the interesting person, I can cut back on my own talking and be more considerate to boot.
4. Keep some perspective. I have no serious “issues” in my life. I mean, something may seem like the end of the world at that moment, but honestly, in the grand scheme of things it is absolutely nothing. So, when I feel myself wallowing in something trivial, I’m going to try to remember to flip on the evening news or read Cnn.com just to affirm that the world is a lot bigger than my little dilemma.
5. Find a drama confidant. Sometimes drama and dwelling and ranting are necessary. And when this is the case, I need to have one person to call to get it out of my system. Given our affinity for sharing drama, this person will likely be my mom. I know she’s a good listener, she understands where I’m coming from, and I’ll return the favor for her as needed.