Rekindling Your Child-Like Self-Confidence

22nd March, 2005. Saturday. 7:30am. Clear, blue skies on a crisp Spring morning.Seven teams. Four members per team. And nothing but the hardest challenge of our lives ahead of us.

Me? 14 years old. With a dodgy knee.

On this clear March morning, I had strapped a rucksack to my shoulders and set about undertaking a 35km hike across the rugged, mountainous region of northern England. For no other reason than to have some fun.

The idea is simple. Seven teams compete to complete 35km in two days with their house on their shoulders, while partaking in regular physical, mental and social challenges along the way. 17.5km each day, staying overnight in a remote field using the tent strapped to your bank. Points are awarded on hike times, quality of food at the overnight stop and the success achieved in the challenges presented along the way, whether it be a test of first aid skills, knot tying, construction or lateral thinking.

Jamie (middle) following the pylons

Packed in my rucksack I had a tent, map, compass, first aid kit, fire lighting equipment, stove, food, emergency rations, drinks, sleeping bag, sleeping mattress, survival bag, clothes and a torch. Weighing in around the weight of a small child.

It was, without question, the most weight I had ever carried on my shoulders. And for added measure, 35km was, without question, the longest I had ever hiked.

Having had our kit checked for our own safety and having being reminded of the fact the competition organisers were not responsible for our death, should we decide that was the easiest way of ending the 35km onslaught, we got underway.

Up the first major hill we walked. We were overtaken by another team. 90 minutes after setting off on what was to be a six hour day of hiking, we had already emptied our water bottles. It was an unseasonably hot day and we found ourselves diving in to the water in our emergency rations.

While all the teams walked on the roads, around the exposed moorland, from the map I noticed a line of electricity pylons passing straight overhead our next check point. So straight across the moor we went, following the pylons overhead.

The day carried on like this. Hot. Sticky. And struggling to breathe as the kid on our back dug in to our chest and forced our shoulders together.

When we reached the campsite after six hours of hiking, I had never felt so tired. My feet were blistered. My chest was aching from the strain of constantly struggling for breath. My legs felt like jelly. And we were only half way there.

One night and one bag of army rations later, we were packing the tent back in to our rucksacks and preparing for another day of hell.

After another six hours hiking I can barely describe the feeling in the latter stages. The pain was excruciating. Despite the rucksack being lighter with a lack of food and water, every second seemed to increase its mass. Every step seemed to highlight each ache and pain in my body. Each little annoyance, such as a moving water bottle inside a rucksack, was magnified in to the single biggest problem in the world.

But finish we did. And in 5th place at that. Had it not been for our poor army ration food we would have finished higher. Personally, I was just glad to have finished. One team were not so lucky after admitting defeat half way through the second day.

It was, without question, the toughest 48 hours of my life. Looking back on it, I wouldn’t say I was pushed to my mental limit, but at 14 years old I certainly came close.

The Advantage of Carrying a House at 14

There was one advantage to our young age when we competed in this competition. We never even contemplated failure.

As children, we have an amazing ability to contemplate nothing but success. Going in to the hike, I never imagined I wouldn’t complete it. Granted, I never imagined it would be so hard, but this is all part of a child’s mind set.

As an adult in 2008, I can hand on heart say I wouldn’t be able to complete those 35km with that level of equipment on my back. But then sometimes, like earlier today when I watched SAS recruits push themselves to their absolute limit in life, I wonder whether my inability to not do it is all in my mind. I wonder whether the hurdle to overcome is not my physical capabilities, but my mental strength.

If I pushed myself to my absolute limit in life, to a point where nose bleeds, cold sweats and hallucinations spontaneously occur, how far would I go?

Very few of us can hand on heart say we have pushed ourselves to the point where we no longer feel a part of our self. But one day I would like to see how far my body can take me. I often wonder where it would take me if I give it the chance, and how long it would take me to get there. I wonder how I would feel afterwards, and I question whether or not it would bring me forever change in my life.

Find your child-like self-confidence, because far too often we listen to our mind, rather than our body.

How far have you pushed yourself? Like most people, do you find yourself lacking in self belief to undertake the incredible? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments.

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