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There’s something that rubs me wrong about what Starbucks is doing lately. It’s not just the elimination of stores; it’s the constant promotions, the discounts, the free samples, the waffling between light roast and dark. Every time I see a new article on Starbucks pop up in my reader, I cringe inside.
Starbucks has become the desperate guy. The desperate guy caught up in the clingy downward spiral.
I’m sorry, Starbucks, I’m simply not attracted to you anymore.
You see, there are guys who simply have no game. They tell you they’re in love with you on your third date, they text message you constantly, and they become even more insistent when you don’t want to spend so much time with them.
This is where Starbucks has gone. Their marketing department could learn a few things from studying a little pick-up.
First, they made themselves too available. This is Dating 101, and perhaps it ought to be Marketing 101. With a Starbucks on every corner, the customer entered the OMG-I’m-so-in-love-with-you phase of spending all their time (and money) at their favorite addictive flavor-spot. And just like any extreme beginning of a relationship, the customer realized that they were spending too much time (and money) with Starbucks.
We just need some space, Starbucks. It’s not that I need to see other coffeehouses; I just need some time (and money) to myself… you know, to sort some things out.
What does Starbucks do? Promises you the world if you’ll come back, if you’ll be with me the way you used to be with me. Here – take some free frappucinos. I’ll give you Wi-Fi. I can change – see? A new roast! Please don’t leave me.
Ugh. Starbucks, you’re scaring me.
Suddenly, Starbucks is everywhere. On my TV, where it never was before. In my magazines. In my blogosphere. I’m surprised you aren’t following me on Twitter or MySpace to see who else I’m drinking… oh wait. You are.
I’m sorry, but you’re just not who I thought you were. You used to be so cool. You were there when I wanted you, but now you’re on every other interstate exit. You were above all that PR crap other brands get involved in. You had social status. A cup with logo clutched in my hand used to mean something before I saw every other person with one.
Take a tip from the dating world: Don’t make yourself so damned available. Have some confidence in your brand and stop trying to do whatever you think will please me.
That’s what made you so hot before – Podunk towns only had one or two locations and we would drive across the city to spend time (and money) with you. Now you’re up my ass. That is so not hot.
Maybe, just maybe, humans were not meant to drink coffee EVERY morning, overdosing on caffine just to get through the day. I am glad I never really took up the drug. Either way, Starbucks is too trendy. You can go downtown to the corner, get the guy to sprinkle some of his product into a hot cup of liquid, and you may find yourself to be very productive for the next several days. Dont knock it till you tried it.
OK, Holly, so what's your secret for the brew at the cafe you work at every other weekend? Would it be the water by any chance?
@Zach: Yeah, I'm thinking it's the sugar in those frouffy drinks at the Bux that will get you, not the caffeine. I've struggled with my own coffee habit in the past, but have found 2 cups of drip in the morning is my sweet spot. Any more & I'm wired, any less & I'm tired. Coming from a recovered alcoholic, I'll tell you there are worse habits you can have.
@ Mark W: It depends on the extraction method you're referring to. The water for our drip coffee & espresso machines is mineralized, which makes a difference. The real difference though is the time & care the baristas put into the drinks, and the training & emphasis on perfection the managers & owners put on it. The baristas are urged to remake a drink if the milk sits without swirling too long or the espresso "dies." We're taught a lot about the process & techniques & are urged to practice, sample & refine.
I think the real difference is pride.
@torbjorn: Yes, your city's coffee must suck indeed, if the Bux is given you the best you have available. I work at a local cafe in my spare time, and we are the only one who does it right. Other locals burn the espresso, steam the milk incorrectly, etc. You don't have to be a connisseur to notice the difference either - our customers are average joes who will swear we make the best in town.
@Bart & Penelope: Thanks for the compliments! I had a lot of fun writing this one. I think it'd been bouncing around in my head since March...
@Milena: That's the thing - I actually LIKED Starbucks before. It's still where I go when convenience is the dominant factor (there's one off the interstate I drive to go to work - I've timed it & it only takes 5 minutes to exit, get coffee & get back on). It's not a place I want to hang out anymore, unfortunately. I really think they've lost something. I wouldn't written it if I hadn't been following it all so closely. It's like finding out a guy you were really attracted to is a totally desperate wannabe.
As to my favorite, the local cafe where I barista every other week makes a fabulous macchiato. They pull the best espresso shots & steam the breve to perfection. I'm also a big fan of soy almond lattes. YUM!
@Adam: Heck, yeah! Coffee can be an expensive addiction, especially when you're addicted to the good stuff. I do the same thing - you should see the bewilderment my French press causes in the office!
There's a local chain here in Ottawa that I far prefer, Bridgehead. All fair trade, a lot of it organic, and great flavour.
To control my budget, though, I usually buy a pound of whole beans, then grind them fresh each day for my coffee, which I make myself in a French press. A little more work, but so worth it.
Great article. I was thinking the same thing about starbucks lately. I knew that as soon as the economy slowed down, people would start realizing that starbucks is not so important to their life. I am actually glad that the economy isn't booming right now, because it will help people re-evaluate their priorities and help teach themselves better financial principles.
But Holly, you forgot the, "It's not you, it's me" phrase. We'll all be telling that to Starbucks when we pass it up, but in reality, it's really THEM.
Hahahah. Holly, I agree. Poor Starbucks. But I've got to tell you, after two weeks out of this country, I was ready to pay a $50 premium for a cup of Starbucks coffee. That stuff is pure jet-fuel.
I do applaud Starbucks for addressing the problem of their rampant over-promotion in the first place, I like the company and certainly hope it continues to be a good value, although there are a number of smaller coffee chains I've grown to like more.
I'm quite enamored with the European coffee house style. What is your favorite?
Well, the one thing that I believe people have overlooked that after the buzz / swank / allure wore off, people realized that it was overpriced and didn't taste very good.
Man, this reads like a depressing biography of my life. Oh wait...
This may be a local thing, and doesn't say too much about our 'local' coffees - but when I want a good, strong coffee I go to the Bux. No lie. The price is even the same.
I used to avoid it like the plague for all the reasons you mention, as well as the fact that there were just too many of them. They really do still have better tasting coffee. Which, as I said, probably just means that the rest of my city's coffee sucks.
The coffee here's probably just plain different.
My BF says Starbucks is like the cool older kid that, as you grow older, you realize isn't really that cool. I agree.
@Lance: Ouch. Maybe you should check out HoneyAndLance.com. Great advice over there.
@Norcross: You know, it's true. But independent coffeehouses really ought to be thanking Starbucks for bringing into the mainstream, then turning to crap, thus driving newly-minted addicts to their cafes in droves.
@Tiffany: I work at a cafe every other weekend b/c I love it, and we always say our goal is to ruin you for coffee anywhere else. Our customers tell us time & again that we have. I can tell you, I put a lot of love into the drinks I make. No push-button, recipe-based coffee in my joint!
@Dorie: Congrats on making it out alive & with your tastebuds intact! Do they really need to burn the milk just so it can be so hot all I can do is stare at it for 20 minutes?
And that is why I quit working for starbucks two years ago. I was tired of being the enabling best friend of the desperate guy.
Absolutely hilarious and true! I love this post!
It did used to be a place where I would treat myself to a fancy named cup of coffee that took a little too long to make, not to mention the constant long lines (in every one). Until one day I ordered a regular cup of starbucks joe and the same day went to a cafe with cheaper coffee and faster service and noticed that the cafe's coffee was awesome! That's when my 3 buck treat stopped and turned into a $1.50 treat with a lighter taste and a shorter line.
I believe Starbucks is a great entry point into better coffee, just as when one enters the wine market and tries some of the bigger name brands they have been recommended or have seen advertised. Then they realize there are different things to try, different things to like, and they go out and experiment and try new things that cater to their own tastes. You could also use the dating analogy here too. You go for the girl next door, figure she's too clingy, so then you start dating women outside that profile. Pretty soon, you're married to a S&M stripper and you just want your Starbucks back... wait, what were we talking about again?
Great writeup! Lol. Isn't it good for Starbucks to have more exposure than it could have? I quite like the decor for most of the outlets as they stick consistently to the same look-and-feel.
Well written!
Holly, you have such a great voice when you write. You make me want to read the post just to hear the fun in your voice.
Penelope
Anywhere I live I look for that local coffee shop where lattes are super creamy and coffee so tasty and fresh that it can keep you up for two days.
Starbucks? Hmmm, well coffee drinks are not that good. Their pastries are not freshly baked but brought in at night in plastic containers. I know, I know, Starbucks is not a bakery, but the synthetic taste of their food even further kills the experience.
I find it ironic that when you order they ask you for your name (under the disguise of getting to know you) but do not ask you "for here or to go" or other simple things. You are rushed through the line. You are there to fit into a pre-designed model. It's so impersonal and cold.
Maybe Starbucks is an old, old delusional spouse who takes you for granted and spends his/her free time imagining what you are like without putting an effort to built any kind of intimacy.
@Erik: I actually thought about the "it's not you, it's me" line, but I just couldn't. I know it's not true. It's you, Starbucks.
@Ulyana: You know, I've had a *few* Starbucks baristas who take the time to know me AND my drink, and it does make me feel good. Unfortunately, they move them from store to store so much that I can't keep up with them. I try to follow them all over the city, but alas, I lose them.
I like that you point out that maybe they've taken the customer profile too far. You should know your customer's demographic for sure, but like you said, not everyone fits. It's like they've replaced actually knowing their customer with knowing their customer profile.
Ha ha.
I live in the homeland of Starbucks (Seattle) and have been thinking the exact same thing every time I read an article in the local newspaper about Starbucks' latest gimmick.
@AJ: I agree with you about the entry point thing. That's why I think the independents should be thanking Starbucks. They introduced an entirely new demographic to coffee, got them addicted, then started to suck and/or alienated their core customers. The people must get their coffee somewhere...
I agree that too much advertising can go against you. However, they are probably feeling the squeeze and that in the current global crisis situation, they need to remind us that we will not regret going to Strarbucks. As you correctly pointed they are not cheap and when money is tight we can do without a Starbucks cuppa. Jill from diet puppy food.
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