Print This
Email ThisSo here we are. We’re actually living the question “What do you want to do when you grow up?” A new-found independence, a new sense of self, the world at our fingertips… Are we ready for the tough decisions that this lifestage lays at our feet? Maybe down the road, when we become seasoned professionals, we’ll look back at this moment and smirk at the weight we currently feel on our shoulders. Maybe… but I’m here in this moment now. I see a fork in the road and the answer isn’t black and white. I look left to right and see nothing but shades of gray.
Come on, I still think Jedi light-sabers are cool. Can I possibly be ready to make decisions that will impact the trajectory of my career… my life? I don’t know what questions you’re facing these days, but I know everybody has a couple big ones that are awaiting an answer we don’t have. Uncertainty is a part of life. It’s what keeps it interesting and keeps us humble.
So how do I deal with it? What’s my formula for making life decisions that are beyond my comfort level, beyond my experience, and beyond, well, everything…
1. Pray.
Just for the record, God hasn’t come down in a booming voice with what I should do… ever. I don’t think that’s the point. For the most part I don’t think he cares so much about our end decision. It’s how we get there. Remember in grade school when your best friend came up to you and started conversation with the words “I haven’t told anyone this yet…”. That always made me feel pretty damn good.
In the same way, I believe when the time comes and I’m standing on front of the big man himself. He’s not going to pat me on the back and say “Good job, you made the right decision”. I think he’ll say something more like “Remember that time you were completely stressed out and you were making a really hard decision. Thank you for asking me for help. Thank you for pulling me into the conversation. That made me smile.”
2. Talk.
I’m not that smart, but I have really smart friends. Well, I guess some dumb friends too, but they’re willing to impart wisdom from their past mistakes. Even if they don’t have the answer I think it helps to talk it out. There’s just something about confiding in people that allows you to emotionally unload the weight on your shoulders.
Just this week I sent an email to Will and Hoops. They’re pretty good for the peer-to-peer perspective on professional advice. I have my go-to people for different problems. Start thinking about who could be yours.
3. Reason.
Use reason in your decision process and take emotion out of it. I try to see all the advice I’ve been given and visualize the big picture. I take myself to that bird’s eye view, use reason, and make a decision.
There are times I have to experience it for myself. I go against the advice I’ve been given and general reasoning. This is definitely not an everyday occurence, but you can’t count out that gut feeling inside.
4. Act.
Don’t wait and second guess everything. Start putting plans into motion. The quicker you start logistics the less you’ll spend hesitating. This puts more confidence in your decision. Hesitation is frustrating not only to yourself, but to the people around you that are impacted by your decision. Act quickly. You’ve already taken the time to think this through and you’ll reassess at the milestones. So move. 
For more timely, relevant, and engaging articles, subscribe to Brazen Careerist.
I love that you include prayer as part of your advice for decision-making. I’m no church-goer, and I’m not even really sure what exactly I believe in, but whenever I have a big decision to make, I pray.
I don’t necessarily say any “prayers” but I do always ask that whatever happens, that my motives are pure. I also ask God, Dios, Buddha, Allah, the Universe, whatever, to give me the strength to do the next right thing.
Whenever I do this, I just seem to have more conviction behind whatever it is that I decide to do. I know that I’m not going off half-cocked. At the very least, it gives me time to think and process quietly.
I’ve invited an associate to be a partner in my start-up. I could see he was struggling with the decision and I recommended he take this week to pray about it and weigh the decision before proceeding. I don’t want the people I depend on running off making big decisions half-cocked either!
I really enjoyed your posting, Daniel.
I think you’re being particularly bold to suggest prayer, and I understand that you’re not advocating going to church. To me, prayer helps us to get in touch with an energy that’s larger than ourselves. Sometimes, our egos get in the way, and when we pray for guidance, I think it’s really about finding a larger perspective. Prayer gets us in touch with what we want, particularly if we ask to be guided to the answer that’s in the highest and best interest of all involved.
I have to disagree with you, however, about reasoning, and taking emotion out of decision-making. Emotions help us to get in touch with what’s important to us. I don’t advocate using them all alone, but one technique that can be really helpful is to first lay out the pros and cons or all the key points of a decision. Then, leave that logic alone for 24 hours. Come back to it fresh, and see what your gut and your heart are telling you. We’re too quick in our country to go with an answer that looks good on paper (or in an Excel spreadsheet), but we ignore or override our body’s wisdom. That’s unfortunate, because researchers like Antonio Damasio have demonstrated that the body often helps us to simply incredibly complex decisions, particularly personal ones. In fact, body wisdom is a form of reasoning, in his view. So, my vote is for integrating logic and emotion, not stripping out emotion.
Keep sharing your great perspectives!
Susan
Dear Dr.
I wrote it that way because of one experience I had. I was in a very stressful situation at work and I was going on and on about it with one of my mentors.
“Woa, Daniel, stop. Take emotion out of it and look at it again.”
Something in my head clicked when he said that. The verbage immediately allowed me to detach myself from the situation and see things in kind of a third person point of view. I was no longer emotionally invested in the situation and was looking at it completely from a business side. From that, I was able to break it down, see the valid issues, and the root problem.
Now I’m not discounting what you’re saying. Actually I think the ancient Greeks said that decisions are made with your mind, your gut, and your heart. So the logic and reason of your brain, the deep feelings and emotion in your gut meet together in your heart where your decision is finalized. I like the flow of that and I think it makes a lot of sense. We’re not robots.
I love how you touched on your body’s wisdom. Have you read Blink by Malcolm Gladwell? Your thoughts made me think of that. It’s rapid thin slicing, your adpative unconscious that operates without you really knowing. It’s kind of an internal computer that runs in the background and speaks to us through our bodies. It’s the reasoning we can’t explain. Everyone’s experienced it. It’s those times we say things like “I dunno what it was… but I just had a bad taste in my mouth…”. That kind of stuff.
Anyway, how I hoped my post would be read was to take emotion out of it and look at the situation. Make a decision, but don’t deny your gut feeling. Again, that’s how I approach it and I’m not by any means speaking with any authority. Everyone needs to find what suits their personality. Some people are more rigid others more emotional. There’s no universal formula for success in these kind of things. We’re all better to share our perspectives and take away bits and pieces from the wisdom around us.
Regards,
Daniel
Holly,
I think God is personal. That’s why people kind of thirst for community. There’s something inside of us that wants to connect to someone or some thing. I’m no church goer myself. Actually, in the past, I viewed the church as kind of your best friend’s girlfriend that you really find annoying. I was really into spending time to learn about God, but this thing he called his “bride” I wasn’t so much into. Whatever the case, if you search hard enough you’ll find what you’re looking for.
I’ll be checking out your blog. I’m curious about your start up. I think I’m an entrepreneur at heart so that stuff usually gets my attention.
Good luck recruiting!