My roommates and I inhabit the second and third floor apartment of a house. He is our downstairs neighbor.

There were no problems between us until about a month ago when our landlord told him that he would not allow for him to re-sign his lease. I am not sure if our landlord blamed us, or what went on between them, but we are receiving the force of the neighbor's anger.

It is hard to deal with someone who is irrational without the situation escalating but I feel that I have learned some valuable skills from first hand encounters that I would like to share them with you.

The goal of these following steps is to dissipate the situation.

Don’t argue with the person. If the person is really upset chances are they will not be willing to see your point of view. Apologize for the situation and state how you will work to resolve it. Example, when the neighbor rang the door bell at 12:15 am telling us our television was to loud when we didn’t even have it on and we had previously been waken by him moving furniture around in the middle of the night. We simply said that we would watch the volume on it and he left promptly.

Stay calm. If you are experiencing the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum, getting upset and angry in response will only escalate the situation and make the person become defensive. Example: the neighbor took my parking space at midday (meaning I’d have to park a good couple miles away and walk back to the apartment) and started yelling at me that he wanted the spot the moment I pulled into the driveway. In fear of him throwing a tire iron through my window, I decided to run errands. Now he is banned by the landlord from parking in our lot because he parks like a jackass and takes up two spots.

If a confrontation becomes eminent walk away. Not only will the situation stop from becoming out of hand, but you will look like the bigger person. Example, when two of my roommates returned from the bar at 2 am and were on the porch talking so quietly that we could not hear them 15 feet away and he came out yelling at them to shut up and woke our entire house and the three neighbors up by yelling, “you guys are assholes and I’m calling the cops.” My roommates went inside as he stood outside swearing at the empty porch until the cops came because a neighbor called them on him.

Contact someone involved who can better handle the situation. Example, we contacted our landlord in a letter to inform him of our concerns. Even though our landlord may have caused the hostility, if the situation ever escalates to someone being taken to jail there is proof that we have had him harassing us in the past.

Also, a little side note, if the police do become involved make sure that you get a copy of the police report so you can make sure all information is accurate.

In summary, don’t argue, stay calm, walk away, and contact someone who can better alleviate the problem.