As my dad once told me, I’m an introvert to beat the bandwagon. And it’s true! Yet I have a job that requires me to be the public face of a public institution. I have to talk to many, many people and get up and do silly things in front of very large crowds. Does this make me freak out and run for the hills? Nope, because I understand the true nature of introversion.

Before I go into what introversion is, let’s go over what introversion is not:

• Shyness
• Social awkwardness
• Discomfort in large groups
• Snootiness
• Lack of social skills
• Fear

What is introversion then? Armchair psychologists will tell you that extroverts are comfortable around people and speaking to others, while introverts are not. What’s the problem with this dichotomy?

1. A significant percentage of the population is being defined by what they are not in comparison to the another group. A real definition would be able to tell us what introverts are, not what they are not.
2. There are plenty of introverts who defy that definition.
3. Not all extroverts are comfortable speaking in groups or making presentations, while many introverts are.

So What Is Introversion?

Introversion and extroversion are not abilities or inabilities. They are preferences. While members of either group can have equal social skills and function equally well in social situations, introverts generally prefer more of a balance between group situations and alone time, while extroverts generally prefer to spend the greater balance of their time in social activities.

As noted in Marti Laney’s The Introvert Advantage, introverts are energized by spending their time alone. Being in group situations depletes their energy more quickly. They work best when they have large segments of quiet time to balance out any time spent in group activities. Introverts prefer to think internally and actively decide what they will say before communicating verbally. They are typically self-motivated.

Extroverts, on the other hand, are energized by being around other people. They feed off of social interaction and get some of their best inspiration through conversations. They also need a certain amount of alone time to find balance, but not nearly as much as introverts. On the whole, extroverts tend to think out loud and are often motivated by other people and external forces.

Where Does the Conflict Between Introversion and Extraversion Come From?

The negative comparisons seem to arise because introverts only make up a minority 25 percent of the population. Since the majority of the population is extraverted, introversion is often seen as unnatural or as a deficiency. It’s simply a numbers thing, where the norm becomes the standard. Unfortunately, it makes healthy introverts feel like they need to change who they are instead of being happy with themselves.

In my opinion, both preferences exist on a continuum, and each individual’s place on that continuum will fluctuate based on their mood, current environment, and energy level. In my own life, it really depends on the specific situation. With some people, I have serious verbal diarrhea, while I’ll naturally be reserved around others. This often depends largely on how much the other person is talking. In many work situations, I’ll be the first to pipe up with an idea or suggestion. At other times, I’ll just sit and actively listen. It all depends on whether I have something to say that will be of value, or if I’m essentially just talking to myself.

Defensive Much?

I do a lot of talking during each day. Much of it is to individuals, and a great deal of it is also giving community-wide presentations. It’s pretty insulting to hear that because I like to be alone for a certain percentage of each day, that I must suck at these other parts of my life. It’s also mega-annoying to see articles discussing how to “get over” introversion, when it’s really just who I am. I kind of like myself, so I do get defensive when I’m considered socially backward or, even worse, just plain wrong.

However, my main point here isn’t to be on the defensive or on the attack (Introverts Unite!). I’m simply looking for more people to be able to have a productive conversation about extroversion and introversion based on accurate, shared definitions and ideas. These energy preferences play a huge role in our productivity and the quality of our relationships, so having a common idea of the subject is helpful and can promote growth and development that actually makes sense for both extroverts and introverts.

I’d love to hear your opinions and experiences, so please dive into the comments are share your take!