The way you communicate says a lot about you. Every word you choose sends your audience, whether it’s your best friend or your boss, a message about who you are and where you want to be.
I’m not talking about using big, fancy words or some kind of industry jargon. That kind of language doesn’t impress anybody (except maybe the extremely naïve). I’m talking about everyday words we use that could potentially holding us back from being seen as true professionals.
What are your words saying about you?
Let’s start off with an example. Based solely on word choice, which of the following people sounds more professional?
Amy: “I can’t even believe we have to do this sucky project. I guess I’ll do it because it could lead to better stuff, but, seriously, it’s really dumb that we’re the ones that have to do it.”
Kim: “It’s unfortunate that we were assigned this low-level project. I don’t completely understand why we were chosen, but it could definitely lead to better projects.”
Kim’s words were stronger and her message clearer, even though they essentially said the same thing.
Where Amy said “I can’t even believe,” Kim said “It’s unfortunate that.”
Where Amy said “sucky,” Kim said “low-level.”
Where Amy said “stuff,” Kim said “projects.”
Where Amy said “it’s really dumb,” Kim said “I don’t completely understand.”
You get the point. Kim clearly sounds more professional. (Be honest, how many times have you sounded more like Amy?)
Maybe you’re thinking that you don’t want to sound like Kim. Kim sounds like a complete dork. Ok. Let’s replace just a few of Amy’s words with Kim’s:
“I can’t even believe we were assigned to this low-level project. I’ll do it because it could lead to better projects. It’s really unfortunate that we’re that ones that have to do it, though.”
Although still clearly not stellar language, this version of Amy’s complaint is definitely more professional.
Identifying your problem words
Pay close attention to your word choice. How do you sound? Young? Indecisive? Pompous? You may have no idea what your words are saying about you.
My problem words:
Cool: “That’s really cool.”
You guys: “You guys will love this new design”
Like: I plan to get this done by, like, 3 p.m.”
Other young words:
Sucks: “This project sucks.”
Awesome: “This project is awesome.”
Totally: “This project is totally awesome.”
Really: “This project really sucks.”
But, it’s not just sounding young; you could be sounding:
Indecisive: “I think it might be a good idea if we…”
Weak: “You’ll probably think this is stupid, but…”
Unclear: “I was kind of thinking we could…”
Unsure: “Not sure if you’ll agree with this, but…”
Special note to women: Women tend to particularly struggle with phrases like, “I think that.. ” and “Not sure if you’ll like this…” Try replacing these words with more powerful and decisive phrases. (I have to constantly remind myself of this as this kind of word choice seems to be ingrained in many female brains from a young age.)
Instead of: “I think this might be a good direction for the firm.”
Try: “This direction has the all of the benefits and very few drawbacks.”
Instead of: “Not sure if you’ll like this, but here’s my idea.”
Try: “My idea is…”
Ways to figure what your “problem words” are:
I was told about one of my problem words without even asking, and I found it extremely helpful. I ask those who I trust to help point out when I say problem words, so I can work on cutting them out of my vocabulary.
I’ve had the privilege of being video taped while speaking. Although I didn’t use any of my problem words (hurrah!), I did see a pattern of other phrases I used (they weren’t necessarily problems; just something to avoid saying too often).
A lot of times we just talk and talk and don’t take the time to listen to what we’re saying. Really focus on the words you use and see if there are any unwanted messages that you send.
Eliminating your problem words
Once you figure out what words are making you sound young, unprofessional, or just plain dumb, you need to figure out how to replace them with words that give off your intended message.
The first step is simply recognizing when you say them. Once you know what to listen for, you’ll hear them fly out of your mouth all of the time.
Then, when you start to know what kind of situations make you say these words, you can anticipate it and try using your replacement words.
Take one of my problem words: You guys.
If I’m consulting at a company, saying “You guys could greatly benefit from our product” just doesn’t have the desired effect.
So, I’ve come up with some replacement words: you, your company, your firm, and your team. Doesn’t “Your company could greatly benefit from our product” sound much better than “You guys”?
It takes a lot of effort to turn words that are hurting your image into words that help your image.
Of course, you don’t also need to recognize when you should eliminate a word and when it could be fine to say. For instance, if I’m talking to a coaching a bunch of fifth graders at volleyball, saying “All right, you guys, line up!” is perfectly acceptable.
Final Thoughts
You’ve heard the phrase, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it.” Like word choice, your tone can have huge impact on message. Sarcastic and aggressive tones are particularly detrimental in the workplace. Keep your tone professional and clear. You don’t have to be Ms. Perky or Mr. Gowiththeflow, but you should show your respect for others through your tone.
Can you get ahead even with poor word choice? Sure, you can. There’s no doubt about it. However, sounding like the professional that you are will make it a little easier in your journey.
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5 RESPONSES TO "YOUR LANGUAGE IS HOLDING YOU BACK"
Agreed. Since my mother is an English teacher, I was blessed (doomed) with someone who always has, and always will, correct my grammar at any given point. In my current position, I had to make a concerted effort to remove most of the slang and 'dumb words' from my vocabulary. However, "ya'll" still sneaks in there from time to time. Can't help it, I've just been in the South too long.
Great post.I think a lot of people, gen Y in particular, let their language hold them back - most use the problem and "other young words" you listed. I'm sensing it's no longer a California thing, but the word "like" is incredibly overused.
"Take one of my problem words: You guys."
In the words of my wife, the retired cop/firefighter/paramedic, "I'm NOT a guy! I've got bumps and curves, in case you haven't noticed!"
At over 6 ft tall and a very well curved 200+ lbs, it's pretty hard to miss her point.
Excellent advice. I'm always impressed by people who communicate fluidly and professionally. I complimented one such person at my last job and he said that when he was young he used to stutter and couldn't communicate clearly to save his life. So he made it his goal to overcome his speech impediment and turn communication into a strength. His hard work paid off by not only making him articulate, but also eloquent with his word choice.
My goal, especially when speaking to groups, is to communicate clearly, appropriately, and to the point. It's too easy to lose people's attention otherwise.
@ Norcross - You're not the first person to mention y'all in this context! Too funny. Thanks for sharing.
@ Alaia - I couldn't agree more with the "like" thing. It's a hard habit to break. And, no I don't think it's California thing anymore (unlike y'all, which seems like a south thing as Norcross mentioned)
@ jrandom42 - Your wife is certainly not alone with not wanting to be called a guy. Not sure how the word "guys" got stuck as a replacement for "you" - maybe it's because too many people were trying to avoid saying "y'all."
@ Bart - Glad you liked the post. You have an excellent goal for speaking to groups. It's a tough one, but with practice, most of us have can pull it off! Thanks for sharing.
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