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Email ThisI quit my job little over 30 days ago, my last day was this week. It was the act of courage that inspired my thirty day twittering exercise, though I didn’t write about it at the time because I wasn’t sure how things would shake out. The news has since worked its way through everyone’s system, most importantly, mine.
For the past two years I’ve worked full time while going to grad school; slowing cutting back on things I loved doing in my free time, and spending more time away from my family and new marriage.
I’m proud of all I’ve accomplished, and yet, I’m worn thin by a hectic lifestyle and have a lot of regrets. I quit, not because I dislike my job, or the opportunities it affords; I quit because it was the most responsible decision. No matter how great a job you have, it’s never worth your well-being or relationships. It’s so easy to say now that I’m on the other side of the gut-wrenching decision I took too long to make.
I suppose I clung to a promise that going at this pace would lead to financial success. I have equated self-worth with my earning potential since I could first work. Always proud of my 2 to 4 job-at-a-time status, work has been the safety basket that I had been putting all my golden eggs in, believing that I would eventually keep my family from financial ruin. This cheap myth composed by a young, frightened girl was shattered when my father died just over six months ago.
Any fool can become a millionaire if they sacrifice enough. Sure I’d excel, but to what end? To a fault. I devote myself so completely to my commitments that I have trouble choosing what is best for me. And I don’t want to be that person anymore. Workaholic, obsessive, unhealthy, frazzled.
My father’s death left me broken, but with a great gift: cancer has a way of breaking down belief systems. Nothing is the same now. And frankly, my job doesn’t compare. No amount of raises, promotions, or overtime would have prevented his stroke or given me more time with him.
I quit my job. The world didn’t end. Time didn’t stop. The only person crying was me. Like my family members, my boss and co-workers expressed surprise, concern, and then excitement and understanding. We all adjusted to the new input and went about business as usual.
A delicate balance lies ahead. I’m well aware that my workaholic tendencies could easily translate into my new roles. I know myself well, and I’ll be writing about the ways I trick myself out of it. I’m open to suggestions too.
Smell the roses.
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I’m interested to see what you decide to do now. I’m just starting a one-year full-time grad program and will be working 20-30 hours/week at my currently full-time place of employment. I hope not to get too burned out, but it’s always a lingering worry in the back of my mind. Always. Particularly, I don’t love the idea of sacrificing all of my “free” time or sleep. But I have a feeling I’ll be sacrificing both, all for the sake of career progression.
Taking a step back helps me realize that this life is actually kind of long. Why do I always think there’s not enough time - what’s my hurry?
I did graduate school while working full time, and I was constantly pushing myself, to the point that I had a nervous breakdown. I think taking the time to go at a less hectic pace is a great decision.
Milena, congrats on quitting your job. Part-time school plus full-time work is beyond frazzling in my experience. I hit a point where I was doing way too much, and ended up taking off school for the summer.
The time off will set me back in my program, but I need to focus on other things - my work, my husband, and my health. It’s amazing how much stuff I neglected when I was trying to do it all, and I’m hoping a short hiatus from school will give me some time to reorganize my life and adjust to all the changes that are happening.
After my third major illness, I finally cut out my fourth job, which I dearly loved, working at a cafe. It just got to be too much. They keep me on the schedule every other week, one Saturday morning. It gives me my fix and I have more free time.
I find that my problem isn’t so much how much I have to do - it’s scheduling things so much that I don’t have any wiggle room. I disdain anything that requires specific hours (including my main job). For some reason that feels stressful to me. If my allergies are acting up, I still have to be at the office at 8 am, even though a few more hours of sleep could’ve prevented a full-blown sinus infection.
I just finished reading “Eat Pray Love” and it left me with my own lesson. My painful relationship isn’t with a man - it’s with my work, my pride, my maniac ambition (achieve, achieve, achieve!). I’ve pared down my schedule as much as I can (without quitting my main job). I only do the activities that I enjoy. I run when I want to run, I blog when I want to blog.
I’m trying to honor my body. The best way I can do that is to reduce the stress I put on it, whether it’s giving myself more time, better food, or stretching. There’s something to be said for those precious free hours doing nothing at all.
@all -
Your voices feel like a chorus with my own, thank you for sharing. I know I’m making the right choice, though it’s scary. I’m inspired by a lot of the blogs I’ve been reading here on Brazen (Kate, Holly, Monica, no surprise I’m fans of yours! And Bart, we’ve never met, but I’ll head to your blog too.) - it makes me realize there is not one path. I can expand my horizons and create new ways.
I will say this - the decision didn’t come easily, quickly, or flippantly. I made a plan, with my husband, how to make it work financially and once my ducks were in a row, I pulled the trigger. I still believe in hard work and planning, even if the plan is to quit your job! There has to be a good reason, at least in my mind.
I’ve got lots of good reasons, and a lot of exciting things up my sleeve. I’ll be blogging about them for sure…but I’ll probably take a little breaksy from everything to just exist without pressures for a while. (Holly - I want to learn that “run when I want to run, blog when I want to blog” attitude and not feel so compelled to do everything “right” or “right now”)
@Holly - I like how you summed things up in your second paragraph above:
“I find that my problem isn’t so much how much I have to do - it’s scheduling things so much that I don’t have any wiggle room”
It’s something I totally agree with. Having the flexibility in your schedule gives you more control, even if you were the one who scheduled yourself into the corner in your first place.
The counterpoint, that lack of control, has been linked to as a major contributing factor of burnout.
I get the sense that most of the people on here are the Type-A, go-for-broke kind of people… but at the end of the day, if you pile too much on, something’s got to give.
Tragedy will happen if you do not listen to your body and keep tabs on the pace you are setting. My injuries leading to the demise of my dance career were a direct result of doing too much too fast and not listening to what as best for me.
It takes a strong person to keep up an over-committed schedule, but a stronger person to be able to pull in the reins when there is too much going on.
Its been a little over year since I lost my father to cancer and almost a year since I quit my job. I went through a lot of soul searching after losing my father. I realized that working 7 days a week just wasn’t worth it - unless I was really helping people, using my talents, and maintaining balance.
I realized that I wouldn’t be thinking about my last presentation when I breathe my last breath but rather the time I spent with loved ones and the things I contributed to Society.
@Victoria - ditto.
@Keith - I’m sorry for your loss, and thank you for sharing. I couldn’t agree more. Yesterday I wrote a list of 10 things I’ll miss when I’m dead. Morbid? Maybe, but none of them had to do with money, fame, or accomplishments. They were simple, free, yet priceless: walking in the rain, my family & friends, hearing great music. I decided I need to have more of those things in my life. Of course we have to make a living, but I realized I was at the point where the sacrifices were greater than the benefits.
A profound perspective - something to ponder. I worked full time and went to grad school…and had a baby. I wouldn’t recommend this - the quality of life was pretty low but I wasn’t in a situation that allowed me to stop working. Thanks to a supportive family - I survived.
Jessica Bond
Medical Careerist