Save Yourself: Learn From My Experiment in Brain Doping

Ah, science. You bastion of never-ending wonder. Filling our bodies with substances to make us smarter, live longer, or create an unnatural breast-to-body ratio so women can look fat in t-shirts (Thank you Amy Pohler, and thank you science.)

Reading this article on brain-doping made me think about the frontiers we’re entering in terms of science and the mind. Not necessarily in innovation, that’s a given, but in acceptance and integration. The article talks about the legal aspects of being allowed to dope or not to dope. It mentions that, “While it is perfectly legal to feed—even force feed—Ritalin to a child, unsupervised use by knowledgeable grownups is a crime.”

Furthermore, a recent study polling 1,400 readers of the science journal Nature (mostly scientists and academics, according to the article) indicates that many are in favor of popping pills to enhance mind performance. However, even more compelling is that 4 out of 5 thought “healthy adults should be able to take the drugs if they want to.”

I agree we should have the choice, but is it worth it?

I’ve always shied away from prescription drugs unless absolutely necessary, but this article reminded me that I have fallen prey to the promises of brain doping, albeit legally and in a way I thought was “natural.”

A few years ago, I was studying for a particularly grueling exam, one that left my ability to show my face at work in the balance. I had also, for some idiotic reason, scheduled to get all my wisdom teeth pulled within days of the exam. I was suffering from fatigue and mind fog, and caffeine (the classic doper, it could be argued) was no longer helping.

I’d heard about ginko biloba’s natural memory enhancing properties, and decided to do some more research online. I came across a guy online claiming to know all about brain-enhancing herbs and naturally occurring isolated proteins. Apparently he was a research scientist at a major university and had extensive knowledge on the topic. While I was dubious, I was also desperate, and took his advice.

Armed with Mr. Herb’s recommendations, I went to my natural food hangout which has an extensive herbal formula section. At the store, I was talked into buying, “The Ultimate Mind Enhancer.” Note to readers: not his real name, or the product’s real name, because I know you were totally going to Google them.

I was eager to see what would happen. I popped the suggested dosage on my car ride home. However, it seemed something was going horribly wrong. My pulse sped up, my skin turned bright red and blotchy, my eyes teared and I felt like I was running out of breath.

What the hell is this? Speed? I pulled over in panic. Shit shit shit. What did I do? What did I do?

I scrolled down the label…”Do not take this supplement if you’ve recently had major surgery, as it could have adverse side effects with anesthesia and prescription drugs, particularly NSAIDS.”

I’m going to die.

I called my doctor, tail between my legs for not calling first. I know better than to guzzle wares peddled by herbalists. I’ve heard a million times how supplements can be just as potent as prescription drugs, but trusted the recommendation.

It turns out I panicked for no reason, the doctor assured me that unless I’d just had open heart surgery, the amount of anesthesia or prescription meds wouldn’t negatively interact with the herbs and to simply ride it out. I was shocked that such a crazy reaction was “normal,” but certainly I had only myself to blame for the shock! I returned the bottle the next day, citing adverse side effects.

I’ve gotta tell you though, the initial effects wore off quickly, and that study session, my mind was sharp as a knife. Whatever was in that bottle seemed to do the trick.

So – if prescription drugs that had brain boosting properties were legal or if you found the perfect herbal cocktail – would you use them to enhance performance on the job or in school? Do you already use them? Do you think it gives the user an unfair advantage? What about caffeine? That’s legal and I know I would be useless on the job without it.

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