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Bodysnarking, a new term coined by Hannah Seligson, brilliant author of New Girl on the Job, is ugly. Thanks to the proliferation of gossip rags, tabloids, and blogs like Gawker and Perez Hilton (who I refuse to link to), everywhere we are becoming hyper-critical of the shapes around us. What was once a problem of women comparing themselves to magazine images silently in their bedrooms has escalated to online chatter of trash talk on Facebook and Flickr. Bodysnarking is the term to describe the everyday sarcasm-laced jibes directed at women everywhere, from the cafeteria to the corner office.
As Emily Gould described in her recent Times article, she began snarking at people in her blogging, and in turn, people began to snark her back, until she couldn't leave the house for fear of criticism of her everyday looks and clothing. It's everywhere, and it's contagious. A few weeks ago, I was in the locker room at the gym, flexing my biceps in the mirror to see my fitness progress, and I saw a woman walk by with a pear shaped figure. Before I knew it, my mind began to pick apart her appearance in her bathing suit as she headed for the whirlpool. When I think about that, I'm appalled at myself. How can I be an advocate for women, if I'm part of the problem?
And it's not just those quiet remarks we make to ourselves about passers-by and how we would wouldn't be caught dead with jeans that tight. It's the consumption of media that turns people of all walks of life into Exhibit A in Appearance Court. I used to enjoy reading Perez Hilton, scanning his ridiculous scribbled lines over celeb faces over breakfast in the morning. And one day, I realized that by visiting the site, I was adding to his traffic, producing more ad revenue and fame for him, which in turn, only pushes him (and bloggers like him) to continue to pick apart the appearances of women on a minute level. I stopped reading his site over a year ago, because I resolved not to be part of the viciousness.
The mean comments I had in mind for the woman at the gym were a wake up call. Instead of snarking, I've given myself a challenge: if I find myself in a hyper-critical mode, I make myself find something good about the woman I'm picturing. Instead of thinking of the girl in the too-short skirt as tacky, I'll admire her straight posture. Instead of remarking on a woman's weight, I'll think of how great her hair looks.
It's hard to adjust one's thinking when one is constantly bombarded with images on television, the Internet, and even the magazines in the supermarket checkout line of women who are being picked apart for failing to be completely flawless. A lot of emphasis today is put on accepting ourselves as beautiful no matter what we look like. We should be placing equal emphasis on accepting and appreciating those around us.
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Comments
06.12.08
Kate - this makes me wonder - do you think "bodysnarking" has a biological function?
I mean, sometimes it cannot be helped what bubbles up from the subconscious mind.
Perhaps it's a psychological defense mechanism meant to improve our self-esteem? I'm shooting in the dark here, but I think you are absolutely right that we shouldn't act on our thoughts, we don't have a right to discriminate against people just because we're feeling snarky. : )
06.12.08
Milena-
I don't think there is a biological function. If I were in competition with someone, I could see a relevant purpose for denigration. But I'm not competing with them for anything (i.e. a date, a job, etc.).
Perhaps it comes from a desire to be seen as unique or special, and taking down someone else is one classic way to boost self-esteem. It's very easy to be just another face in the crowd as our virtual world becomes smaller.
06.12.08
Kate,
My wife, the former cop/firefighter/paramedic, who's taller or heftier than anyone the Chargers start in their defensive backfield, has stuffed trash-talkers into lockers and trash cans. That tends to take care of the bodysnarkers she's come across.
06.12.08
jrandom-- what an awesome wife you have! It must be like being married to a superhero!
06.15.08
Her only problems come when the bodysnarkers are designing clothing. She just can't get anything that looks good and fits well off the rack. It's the major reason she makes all her own clothes, down to her lingerie.
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