Some other things to keep in mind:

1) Let go of the grudges and hurts. Dredging them up long after the incidents have happened is toxic to a marriage, unless you have a point to make besides that your spouse screwed up and still owes you big time.

2) Be honest. This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. You owe them honesty in diplomatic terms (no sense in hurting feelings in a misguided drive for complete honesty).

3)Agree on a financial style. Almost as many marriages have been killed over money fights as infidelity.

I've been married for 2.5 years now and learned a few things:
-No name calling. Even when my husband and I are FURIOUS with each other we never call each other names. Name calling takes disagreements and turns them into fights.
-No badmouthing. My husband and I are very careful to never disparage one another in front of other people. It seems silly but it's easier to think the best about your spouse when you only share their best qualities with other people.
-No serious talks at night. We both get very tired and grouchy after 9PM so if a touchy topic comes up after that point we shelve it until the morning.
-Fun. We have it whenever we can. Sometimes this means ice cubes down his shirt when he's doing the dishes, at other times it means he tackles me when I'm making the bed. We're overgrown children and fully intend to stay that way.

What I've learned in two years of marriage is to always think the best of your spouse (or, to state it negatively, don't assume the worst of him).

If he does something that annoys you, don't jump to the conclusion that he did it on purpose to make your life miserable. And if he does something nice, don't assume it was just a happy accident.

If you respond as if his positive actions are intentional acts of love and if his negative actions are just innocent oversights, he will do more of the former and less of the latter. And he will feel trusted and valued, which strengthens any relationship.

I’ve been married for 10 months now, and had one prior marriage (14 years). I have 2 kids. The main thing I’ve observed countless times during my tenure as a spouse/parent is how sex—or the lack of it—can make or break a marriage. I have heard it from both sides—men complaining how their wives never want sex, which in turn leads them to cheat (sure, not all of them, but a higher number than I would have suspected) and women complaining how they hate sex and try to avoid it at all costs. You’d think it’s a stereotype—and certainly it’s not always the case; plenty of women love sex and plenty of married couples have great sex lives—but when your peer group is moms (mine for the most part is), the stereotype sadly holds true.

A few weeks ago I was at a “Slumber Party” (what a bunch of 35+ year-olds call a sex toy party) with probably 25 women. I’m not kidding when I say that EVERY SINGLE one of them—save me and one other woman who’d been re-married for all of a month—moaned and groaned about how their husbands were always hounding them for sex and they wish they could avoid it forever. It’s frequently the topic of discussion when any group of women gets together—everyone plotting how they will sneak in without waking up their husbands so they don’t have to have sex—as well as in one-on-one conversations with my female friends.

The sad reality is that when you have kids, life changes. Now I say this as a woman who never lost interest in sex, despite having kids—if you want it and value it, you find time for it and it is 100% possible to maintain a great sex life no matter how busy life is. But the whole “I’m too tired” or “I have kids clinging to me all day and don’t want my husband touching me” clichés are, sadly, for the most part true. It’s easy to make romance and sex a priority when it’s just the two of you, but once you add in kids, working, maintaining a house, figuring out childcare, ferrying kids to a million activities, etc, etc, unfortunately many people (women especially—sorry to generalize but I think it’s true) think of sex as one item that can be dropped from the agenda.

I know it sounds totally retro and ridiculous but if you’re asking my advice, here it is: don’t take for granted that marriage eventually just becomes a friendship and your husband is fine just doing without sex. Again, I’m making this about the woman not wanting sex; of course the same holds true in a relationship where the wife wants it and the husband doesn’t. Too many women think that it’s just a fact of life—when you have kids, romance and sex go out the window and husbands have no choice but to accept it. In reality, that’s not true—if your spouse wants to have sex and you won’t do it, he/she will likely get it somewhere. I can’t help at shake my head at friends who talk about how they wish their husbands would just go get sex somewhere else—but when I ask what would you do if he decided to leave you for that woman they always say “oh, he would never do that.” Take a look at the divorce rate in this country and tell me men—or women—would “never do that”.

Like I said, though—I don’t mean to come across as bitter and jaded—I’m neither (well, at least not bitter) but this is something I feel very strongly about because I’ve seen it happen countless times since I’ve been a parent and been in the company of other parents (My oldest child is 12.)

After a string of unsuccessful long-term relationships, I figured out three things I needed in a relationship (that I obviously wasn't getting): mutual respect, mutual admiration, and unwavering faith in one another. If you respect your partner, you'll take their feelings, thoughts, etc into consideration in anything you do. If you admire them, then you will seek their advice and counsel and will want to spend time with them. If you have faith in him or her, then you will believe in their abilities. And vice versa.

I would add make time for each other to the list. Being married for 15 months+, that has been the most difficult thing for me to accomplish with everything that is going on in my professional life. Scott, you have some nice points as well.

Everyone will say that marriage takes work, but rarely do they give any specifics. You mentioned some above, so here are two more.

Remember. Remember as much as you can. Remember her favorite food, her favorite color, favorite restauraunt. It goes without saying that you should remember your anniversary and her birthday. But also remember her parents birthdays and anniversary. Remember her siblings birthdays and anniversaries. Remember their names. Remember the date of your first date. remember to do the things you promised to do last week. Remembering shows you care.

Go out of your way to do something nice. We get caught up in everyday life and tend to take people for granted. So instead of assuming that she will always do the things the always does, offer to take care of them occasionally. Pick up the kids from school. Do the grocery shopping. Pick up your clothes without being asked. And always be on the lookout for things she might like to do or have. Don't wait for a birthday to buy her a gift. Don't wait until an anniversay to go someplace special. It's HARD to do this during the rush of our every day life, but that's what is meant by 'working' at marriage.

I am 28 and have been married for 5 years and together for 10 years. I think that Maggie's post is dead on.

Regarding your #4 about family members, I tend to disagree. You should be able to have a realistic but at times negative criticism of your family members and inlaws. Otherwise you will feel like there is an elephant in the room whenever a disliked relative comes up in conversation. Just saying someone is a bitch is not realistic. If you start to criticize in a fair manner and your spouse gets defensive you may want to remind them that their father/mother/brother is not the second coming and none of us is perfect.

Also, about "friends" you both need to be honest about how you think the 3rd party views your spouse and the situation. My wife and I have both had situations where we thought someone was trying to start a personal relationship with one of us and we have had to either avoid that 3rd person or only spend time with them if both of us are present. Sometimes you have to let your spouse make that decision for you.

You do need to have a financial style and agree on how to handle spending decisions(like consult with spouse on any purchase over $50 or whatever). To even take the time to consider whether something is a good idea or not can make my wife upset. It is partially because I am an accountant but, I find it very difficult to make any decision without considering other options, deals, timing, etc.

Great post.