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“Just be yourself.” It’s advice we’ve gotten all our lives, from parents, coaches, teachers, and even the characters on our favorite TV shows. Being authentic is supposed to be the magic bullet that will bring us happiness and success.
But maybe it’s not such great advice—especially for the work world.
It takes a certain type of personality to succeed in the corporate world. And it’s often important for your personality to fit the general nature of your company. If you’re a free-thinking spirit at a conservative company, for example, you could feel stifled—and your boss might not appreciate it when you try to change the status quo.
Here are a few instances where being yourself isn’t enough—and where it could help you to step outside your comfort zone and behave differently than usual.
Change your work style to suit your boss’s. Maybe you have an independent working style—but your boss likes to micromanage. For most people, this situation leads to conflict. But you do have another option: work with your boss instead of against him. Ask your boss how he’d like you to keep him in the loop—and then do it. Send him daily reports of your activities; suggest weekly meetings to discuss work issues; and CC him on all emails that he might be even remotely interested in. If you work to accommodate your boss’s work style, you could change a possibly disastrous work experience into a big success.
Promote yourself—even if your instinct says not to. I hate promoting myself. I feel weird telling people “Yeah, I did that. I’m awesome.” It makes me feel like kind of a jerk. There’s been all sorts of research indicating that women in particular are less willing to promote themselves, but I’m not sure it has to do with my gender—I think it has more to do with the fact that I was a high achiever in school.
High achievers didn’t need to promote themselves in high school and college. We got plenty of recognition we didn’t have to ask for: awards for achievement; great grades on our report cards; and praise from parents. We also had to deal with the fact that our friends weren’t always as successful, so to make them feel better we learned to minimize our own achievements, rely on others to recognize us, and act all self-effacing when they did. If we didn’t, most of us wouldn’t have many friends.
But that kind of behavior isn’t going to get you anywhere at work, where it’s anything but a meritocracy. If you don’t take credit for your own work, someone else will. Don’t just do a good job—make sure everyone knows about it.
Not a networker? Try to be. I have this bizarre hatred of socializing for an ulterior motive. It feels fake and smarmy. I have no problem introducing myself to someone new at a friend’s party, but put me in a networking situation and I will park myself in front of the chips and dip all night and avoid eye contact.
But networking is a crucial way to make important connections in your industry—and if you’re a freelancer like me, it’s a great way to get business. I learned this a while ago when I was hanging out with some friends at a bar, and a guy I knew introduced me to a friend of his—an editor for an online publication. I’d already had a margarita or two and, surrounded by friends in a purely social situation, I didn’t feel fake at all launching into a description of what I did and the types of services I offered. I was just telling someone new about myself. It turned out she was looking for writers, and she eventually became a client.
Anyway, the point is that if you hate networking, imagine you’re not. Imagine you’re at a purely social function. Tell people about your work not because you think you can get business or a job from them, but because you’re getting to know them. Trust me, it takes the pressure off.
Don’t get me wrong—it’s important to be comfortable in your own skin, both at work and at home. But in some situations, your personality could be hurting rather than helping you. Make small adjustments to suit the needs of your position, your boss and your environment, and it just might pay off.
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June 2, 2008 8:05 am
Hi Jennifer
I don't think authentic means living in a cocoon. It means living on the edge of who you are in interaction with the world.
This phrase is a good inflection point:
"where your deep gladness and the world's hunger meets."
Most young people are nervous about that interface, for good reason: you haven't spent a lot of time there yet.
And your practical advice is good - see the other person as nervous as about the interaction as you are and meet half-way, attend to other people's need for information (about who you are and what you offer), go out into the world to find out what other people are interested in. Even if other people come across as bold and confident, they are nervous of interaction too.
Authentic means finding your own personal frontier where you are curious to know how you will react when faced with the real world (other peopl in other words!)
June 2, 2008 3:05 pm
The key to networking in my opinion is to actually care about the people I'm dealing with. I don't just go looking to get things, but I take a real interest in their lives and their businesses. I treat people as friends because that's what I want them to be.
As far as being yourself, I don't think it helps anything to be unhappy with who you are. On the other hand, it may be quite beneficial to make small changes to the way you act.
June 2, 2008 11:35 pm
@Jo: What an amazing quote! I've never thought about it before, but it's really true. You do have to learn to communicate about what you love--your "deep gladness"; that's a great way to put it--and the outer world if you ever want to make a difference. And you're right, that's not easy especially when you're younger.
@Michael: I think small changes don't really change "you;" but they do change your effectiveness in the world. That's the thing about networking for me; it makes me feel like I'm talking to people because I want to get something from them, which makes me really uncomfortable. If I can just take that part out of it and just talk to people to get to know them, I have no trouble acting like a human being.
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Grad School Zone
UVA (Darden) MBA Admissions Deadlines for 2010-2011
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The University of Virginia's Darden School of Business recently published its application deadlines for the coming admissions season. Here they are, followed by our comments in italics:
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