Despite being born under that social sun sign Sagittarius, I somehow grew up a very shy child. From an early age, I was bashful for pictures, shied away from large groups, and even once broke into tears when my mom turned our new video camera on me when I was 6. I never had a group of friends; I always had one best friend and that was it. Things remained this way through high school, and I was lucky in college to be accepted into a co-op dorm of 20 single rooms. I made friends, but it was difficult.

When I left college, I was thrust into a new world and a new culture. South Texas was a lot different from Florida - it was all about who you knew, not necessarily what your skills and experience were. Unfortunately, I approached the situation the wrong way my first two years here; I used some good old-fashioned social lubricant - booze. I've spent the past (sober) year learning my way around the professional networking scene and you might be surprised what's helped me the most. The art of pick-up.

Get your laughs out of the way now. When I chanced upon an article through TwentySet about why you actually want a player boyfriend, I was ready to be pissed. Instead, I was intrigued. Lance's arguments were solid - a player guy is social, has great communication skills, is articulate, has lots of friends and are basically humorous and playful. Interesting. These were all qualities that I actually wanted to possess, especially as it related to the social aspect.

I started to dig into the art of pick-up, as they call it, to learn more. I subscribed to bloggers who talked about it, began e-mailing with them, and reading the books that the guys read (there are no books on pick-up for women that I can find so far - there's a reason for that, but that's another post). I started talking with a few of my cooler guy friends about it and going out to clubs and doing online dating as 'field research.' Here's what dabbling in pick-up has done for my social skills.

Approach
This is by far and away the area I have the most trouble with. Due to my natural shyness, it's hard for me to start talking to people I don't know. But this is necessary if you're ever going to meet anyone new. Pick-up artists emphasize engaging your target in something on their level. For a female in a club it might be asking for their opinion on a good clothing store for guys. For a chick in a book store, it might be a recommendation for a book on self-improvement.

This applies in a networking environment too. I was at a young professionals mixer recently and the same way that you don't want to use a tired pick-up line at a bar, you don't want to use the old stand-by of 'what do you do?' Instead I chose to comment on the venue (an art museum) and use that as an intro to conversations. "Are you familiar with Lichtenstein?" Luckily, my background is in fine art, so I could talk a little bit about pop art if the answer was no before moving into the 'Hi, my name is Holly and here's what I do' conversation.

In social artistry (another name for pick-up), this is part of displaying my social worth, which is actually just as, if not more so, important in networking. Why would I be someone worth staying in contact with, having lunch with, etc? All of this can lead up to my contacts thinking of my company first when they or someone they know have need of it. Whether we realize it or not, we would always rather do business with someone who is social, easy to get along with and approachable.

Confidence/Self-Esteem
A large part of my shyness has to do with my confidence level. When I am in a situation I feel confident in, my shyness evaporates. Thus, the key is for me to feel confident in all situations. This goes directly to my self-esteem. If I feel awkward in a situation, I take a moment to do a quick little internal inventory. Why do I feel out of place? Am I less than the people around me? Hell no. A good pick-up artist knows his/her worth and will pump themselves up.

There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. So, let's clear that up. Arrogance is defined as is an attitude of superiority manifested in presumptuous claims and assumptions. Confidence, on the other hand, is rooted in a consciousness of one's powers or a state of being certain. I was just telling a guy friend that I am confident in my looks - I am conscious of my level of attractiveness. I am by no means a supremely hot chick. I'm cute, pretty even, have a fit body, and am attractive for a certain type. This is an objective inventory of my physical attractiveness; I'm not putting myself down or inflating my ego. It's really where I stand. So when I approach a guy, I know I've got to be hitting on more cylinders than just physical attraction. I have to be funny, intelligent, easy-going and interesting, too. I'm not a girl who can carry a conversation with her looks.

Knowing exactly where I stand allows me to project confidence because I am certain and comfortable with it. It also allows me to compensate for it. If I thought I were a super-hot girl, I would probably not care about all those other things and I would bomb. Likewise, I'm aware that I'm a entry-level professional without a lot of contacts or experience, so I've got to hit on more cylinders than just my professional status when I am networking. I need to show where my prowess lies and what else I can offer a potential contact.

Appearance
Another thing the art of pick-up drove home to me is how much value is really placed on one's appearance and why. Whether we are conscious of it or not, our first impressions are based on a person's appearance. A lot of this has been said before, and most of you are probably aware of it, but it was good for me to be reminded.

Whenever I'm getting ready for a date or to go out on the weekend, I put a fair amount of time into the way I look. I think about what my choices are going to say about me to a potential pick-up. Does my outfit show that I'm in touch with what is fashionable? This displays social awareness. Does it flatter my body type and skin tone? This will allow me to be more confident (see above). Is it appropriate to the environment? This shows that I am knowledgeable of different social situations and what is expected in said situations.

Likewise, you should carry that attitude into a networking situation, even into your daily work attire. It is acceptable for me to wear jeans during the work week (not just Fridays), but I want to be taken more seriously, so I began paying more attention to what's in fashion for work attire and spending more time on my appearance. The result has been that I'm taken more seriously by my coworkers, especially my superiors, and when I have a networking event pop up, I can go on the same day in the clothes I'm already wearing and feel confident that I'm dressed not just appropriately, but fashionably.

Value
There are different types of pick-up artists. Some want sheer quantity and will approach every girl. Some want quality and will set their standards accordingly (only approaching 9's and above, etc.). This is a decision you have to make with networking, too. Are all contacts good contacts?

Just like with pick-up, in the beginning I would say approach everyone. It will help you get more comfortable so that you do decide to go after that executive in your dream field (the career equivalent of a major hottie), you'll be comfortable with approaching him or her. Could you imagine walking up to said executive when you don't have the basics down yet?

Once you reach a certain level of comfort and confidence, you'll realize that not necessarily all contacts are worth the time and effort to make the connection. If you're a graphic designer, it might not be too important for you to make a contact with a pipe-fitter. Then again, you never know.

Communication
When a guy approaches a girl in a club, he's going to lose her interest quickly if he's not paying attention to her body language, what she's saying, or how she's reacting to him. No one wants to listen to someone talk about themselves. Quite the opposite: people like to talk about themselves and they love to have their opinion valued. Some people even expect it.

When you're networking, start out by keeping the focus on your contact. Are they interested in what you're saying? Pay attention to their body language. Are they looking around the room? Are their eyes glazed over? Are you boring them? It's amazing that I could actually tell someone was bored with what I was saying and I would keep going anyway. It was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Pick-up taught me that it's not about me - it's about the other person and engaging them. Once you have their attention, you can show them your worth instead of telling them.

Relationships
Finally, once you've got someone's attention, you've got to close the interaction. What is the end goal? In pick-up this can be a number-close (getting their number), a date-close, a makeout-close, or an f-close. How do close a new business connection? This is a lot easier in networking actually since you've got those handy little business cards. However, what comes next? They stick it in their wallet and never contact you.

You have to decide what kind of relationship you would like out of this person. Do you want a mentor relationship? Do you want a lunch meeting? Do you want to make them a client? Once you've determined this, you can move forward. Ask for their card. Differentiate yourself using the factors above - hopefully by this point you've shown that you have some value as a contact for them. Follow-up with an e-mail that maintains the rapport you had in your previous contact. Try to use a detail that shows that you were paying attention to them. If, for instance, they mentioned they were a Mac person, you might mention the latest rumor you heard about the new 3G coming out in June. They have a reason to respond to you now.

Personally, I continue my pick-up research. You never know where you might find great business tips.