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As a madly in love, happily married woman who recently (and I think successfully) hooked up two of her single friends, I have garnered priceless love data. I have researched my findings with other happily married or otherwise paired couples and I'm willing to share now that I've tested it on someone else.
1. Go for Quantity, Not Quality: If you are still single and looking for love, you need to go on as many dates as humanly possible. You need to ask your friends, co-workers, and yes, even your parents to hook you up. Try internet dating. As long as you meet in public, with whom it matters not. Like the efficient market theory, I believe in the efficient dating theory: that eventually by wading through all the crap you will find a priceless commodity, the one you don't trade up for because you've found a mate that will make your love equity skyrocket.
2. Hold Your Tongue: Like having sex on the first date, learn to say “No” to sharing the first thing that comes to mind in the frenzy of feelings that ensues when you first think you’ve found The One. Learn to walk the fine line between intimacy and annoyance. After a week or so, we tend to get comfortable, clingy, and our feelings get hurt if The One isn't following the puppetry of our expectations. That's when things start getting weird. Just don't say anything. I don't mean lie, or withhold important matters. Simply, don't be quick to judge or harshly opine with your new mate. You don't know anything about them, and be assured, though you find their beard trimming habits tragic, or their politics dismal, they will find your inability to leave the house without doubling back three times, or affinity for sci-fi equally horrendous.
3. No More Hairy Eyeball: You'll know you are in love when you are out and about, oblivious to glances from other potential suitors. I can say with assurance (sorry guys) that with every other boyfriend, I'd still be receptive to flirting with other guys. However, it all went away when I was dating my husband. It was like other men no longer existed in time and space. And on the off chance that my eyes met theirs, instead of getting all tingly inside, I'd laugh. A maudlin laugh as if seeing a sad clown, knowing that he could never capture my attention when I'd already got it so good.
4. Bridge Burning: Probably the most significant, and cathartic revelation in love is when you willingly, and happily, remove remnants from the wayward past you shared with various exes. I recommend gleefully cheering "Burn those bridges!" as you proceed. Deleting old phone numbers and ridiculous love emails is a delight, mementos you couldn’t bear to toss are now donated without mourning, and the only photos you keep are group shots or events you want to remember, not the singular poses of a beloved that used to arouse your affection. They now leave you unstirred.
Learn from me because I once was a bitter single woman. Painfully existing through the solitude of ice cream binges and Law & Order marathons alone. Ice cream and Law & Order are just so much better with a husband to share them.
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Comments
05.16.08
Heck yeah, try online dating! Date #4 and I are actually going quite strong. We try out various off-the-cuff fake how-we-met stories when people ask us at mixers and events. My favorite is the truth - it was an experiment gone awry. ;)
05.16.08
@ Holly Hoffman I was inspired by your post. I think it is important to put yourself out there and I honestly think that internet dating is something everyone should try. It's not a big deal. We get everything else on the internet, food, clothes, news - why not love?
Also - oddly enough, my husband and I met online - but not on a dating site. I was looking for a guitarist to start a band with. We were bandmates for a while before we decided to date. But the point stands - the internet is a great resource because I would never have met my husband otherwise.
07.15.08
I met my American husband when I was in Russia by reading a German dating magazine. I actually fall in love with his handsome photo in the mag. A risky, risky strategy to say the least.
But 16 years later, we are still married. He was indeed all he said he was and then some!
07.15.08
@Irina
Wow! What a fascinating story. I'm glad you made it work - you never know where love will find you. : )
07.15.08
Although I wouldn't recommend this method, I met my wife during the Northridge Quake of 1994. I had been living out of my car for 3 days, she was a shelter manager. We connected, she helped me get my paperwork done for my disaster recovery, and we lost track when I moved out of the shelter.
A mutual friend reintroduced us 2 years later when I moved to San Jose and the rest is history.
07.17.08
@jrandom42
That is a crazy story! I love the randomness of love. I never thought I'd meet my husband on Craigslist!
08.26.08
@ Milena Thomas
I'm glad I'm not the only one who found someone cool on Craigslist. I think it's becoming more acceptable to meet people that way.
08.26.08
@theleftovers - I think there is not one right way to meet people. My now-husband and I were looking to start a band, then after about a year we realized, hey we'd like to date!
Like I said, you just have to put yourself out there continually!
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