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Posted On 05.15.08

I have anxiety. And not the kind you get when employee reviews come around either. I’m talking about clinically-diagnosed, heart-palpitating, mind-numbing anxiety. It sucks. But I’ve learned to live with it.

The reason I’m sharing this is because the transition into adulthood is hard enough without having to deal with a mental defect. And considering that one out of every ten Americans suffer from some sort of depression, there are bound to be a few readers out there snagged by the mental funk I’ve dealt with for awhile now.

When I first started working on Brazen Careerist, I had a serious relapse of anxiety attacks. One thing that’s really difficult about startup culture is that it lacks the structure that most corporate jobs embrace and many people who deal with anxiety need. So to get a grip, I had to make some changes in my life.

But it really doesn’t matter what type of work environment you’re in. It’s easy to become paralyzed in any setting. And there’s nothing we can do to prevent it reflecting on us. Anxiety and depression are not visible handicaps, so we don’t get a reprieve.

The simple truth is I never wanted a reprieve. So I tailored my life to my condition and became a better man for it. Think you’re like me? Then check out what I do to keep myself level. Maybe it’ll change your life.

Don’t put yourself in a box.

Easier said than done when you’re sitting in a cubicle, but when I was in a corporate setting, I took every opportunity I could to get up and walk around. If I didn’t, I started to get nervous.

Today, I take a break from the office at midday and walk my dog. If you have an opportunity to get outside during the day, it’s the best medicine for an anxiety-inflicted brain. Between the fresh air, the openness, and the change of focus, it’s a great way to put your head back on straight.

If you choose to stay at your desk and fight the urge to get up, you’re just fighting your anxiety. And you don’t fight anxiety, you suppress it.

Find structure.

Like I mentioned, depressed people sometimes need structure to make things work, especially the anxious ones.

We’re a lot like dogs (seriously). Regularity keeps us happy. Variability means we’re probably going to annoy you. And we’re generally really fun to be around as long as you deal with us in the right way.

So create a life for yourself that’s organized. It won’t always work, but people who make the effort do much better than those who don’t.

Give yourself things to look forward to.

While you’re searching for structure, make sure you give yourself little gifts here and there. It doesn’t have to be an everyday thing, and it probably shouldn’t. There’s such a thing as too much structure in everyone’s life, so to compensate you have to throw in some random fun to keep yourself sane.

I personally like doing a Tuesday-night happy hour. And who doesn’t? But alcohol isn’t always the answer, especially for mental conditions. So find some other activities you can turn into a gift and plant them randomly throughout your weeks.

I like to play darts with my neighbors and unwind. I don’t do it every day. But when I do, it’s like free therapy. Even when I lose.

Have a good friend on speed dial.

If you’ve never experienced anxiety, depression, or any other form of mental illness, you might not think it’s even legit. And that’s okay. I’ve run into a lot of people like this. I used to be one of them.

The problem is that such thinking makes it really difficult for those who do suffer from anxiety to cope with it. Because nobody really gets what the hell is going on.

What I do is rely on someone like me – a friend who deals with the same crap I do – to talk me through any temporary lapses I may have. Because having an anxiety disorder is a lot like being an alcoholic. Unless you suffer from the disease yourself, it’s really going to be hard to talk someone down from an attack when you don’t know what terrible feelings they’re stuck with.

This person could be family, a friend, or anyone, but whoever it is, make sure they’re reliable. There’s nothing more frustrating than putting your faith in someone who can’t deliver.

Share and Enjoy:

Comments

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Patrick
May 20, 2008 12:40 am

Ryan -

Thank you for the great advice! I'll be sure to utilize these techniques in my new role as a Business Analyst. This position has already caused some anxiety due to the fact that it is a high-visibility position that is taking me out of my comfort zone.

Chris
May 17, 2008 2:02 pm

Thank you for your honest and open discussion about your condition, Ryan. You have opened a door for those who have been suffering with the same or similar conditions, to share ideas and information. And it helps to know we are not alone.

Kudos to you, Ryan.

And I agree that alcohol is not best when suffering from anxiety. It can even bring on anxiety or aggravate it. Here is a link to a web site that has some good information on alcohol and anxiety.
http://www.anxiety-disorder-help.com/alcohol-and-anxiety.html

Thanks again.

Tim
May 16, 2008 9:01 pm

Thanks for posting this- I think alot more attention needs to be paid to the anxiety in our culture. I haven't had a panic attack in months. Perhaps that has something to do with happy hours on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday, but hey, whatever works.

Therapy can be really helpful- but I had to stop because it gets expensive. The best remedy by far is vigorous exercise.

Ryan Paugh
May 16, 2008 9:52 pm

Rosie: I get frustrated w/ myself too, but you're right, it's part of who we are.

Writing this post for instance, and being able to share and connect w/ others about it, makes the whole debacle a little better. Temporarily at least.

Tim: When I first got diagnosed I would run for miles upon miles because it's the only thing that kept me sane. So you're absolutely right.

Ryan Paugh
May 16, 2008 4:32 pm

Breanne: Thanks for sharing this. You're right, the without warning aspect is probably one of the worse parts. But trying to structure things does help, for me anyways.

Mark: Thanks! It's nice to hear that you can find positives in being bipolar. Good for you.

Victoria: A good exercise for someone with anxiety is to just sit down and write about it. I actually wrote this while I was anxious. When I was done writing, I felt much better.

I think it has something to do with focusing on what you're feeling. Pretty cool means of therapy actually.

Rosie
May 16, 2008 4:40 pm

I have anxiety as well. It used to be a lot worse but like you, I've kinda learned to deal with it, get around it, find what works. I get frustrated with myself (which doesn't help) when I relapse because I hate being anxious all the time. But I try and remember it's part of what makes me who I am. But those are solid tips, most of which I use. Thanks for sharing.

Breanne
May 16, 2008 2:42 pm

Sadly, in addition to the fact that others don't understand anxiety and depression there is also still a stigma against mental illness.

I, too, suffer from anxiety. In fact, somehow once I began taking medication to stop panic attacks, I now experience occasional depression if I forget my meds for more than 3 days. Outsiders say, "why can't you just be happy?" That is the equivilant of telling someone with cancer "Why can't you just be healthy?"

It is a frustrating disease. For me, the most frustrating part is lack of control. My anxiety/panic attacks occur without warning and without an explainable cause. The structure you mention is one way we can control as much of the environment as possible.

I applaud you for blogging about your anxiety. It is not always comfortable discussing weaknesses, but bringing awareness and offering support to others is an amazing thing!

Mark
May 16, 2008 2:46 pm

I'm blessed with the mind numbing, spine tingling Bipolar disorder. It's a blessing and a curse sometimes both at the same time.

It's the support of like minded individuals and the blogs they run that help me make it through each day. Thanks for this post. I hope you continue to find ways to deal with your anxiety.

Victoria Gutierrez
May 16, 2008 3:55 pm

Three cheers to Ryan for doing this. A fellow anxiety and depression sufferer, I know how much it took for you to write this.

Like you discuss, just by writing this you make us all feel better and a little less crazy. It is so frustrating to be in control of a lot of your life, and be a high achiever, but for something like this to completely derail everything. I hope that you continue finding more and more things that help you to live with your anxiety.

Derwin
May 18, 2008 4:21 pm

Ryan,

Great post. I too am one of those people who need structure to be effective. My current boss is a very big-picture, unstructured person, so we had some friction in the beginning and I had a few anxiety problems.

We've worked it out because he allows me to create structure for the programs nd areas for which I have direct responsibility. I let the rest of our program go the way he thinks is best.

Thanks man,
Derwin

Heather
May 18, 2008 1:44 am

I know that medication isn't for everyone, but once I began taking Zoloft, I felt like a new person. It was unbelievable.

Alaia
May 18, 2008 2:43 am

Thanks for the post Ryan. Lots of good information. As someone who deals with a huge amount of anxiety myself, it was a nice "whew, okay I'm not alone" moment. Fortunately, I try to put into practice all the things that you mentioned, but I have to work on the friend/speed dial thing.

"So create a life for yourself that’s organized. It won’t always work, but people who make the effort do much better than those who don’t." That statement is what I try to reiterate to my clients a lot. It's not that you'll nail the staying organized thing every time, but the fact that you're trying (whatever you're trying to achieve) definitely makes things better.

Stephanie
September 16, 2008 10:17 pm

Another technique is to remain mindful/practice mindfulness: be aware of your anxiety, or of when you're being distracted, and acknowledge it, but dont let it upset you. Don't judge the anxiety, just allow yourself to become aware of the situations that make you feel better and reduce your anxiety. Looks like you're already starting to do that!

January 22, 2010 11:37 am

I know its late to comment but this is what i needed to read today...

I Think its great that that you blogged about your anxiety. It can be really uncomfortable to talk about.

I recently started having anxiety attacks (3 months) and at first I thought I was having a heart attack at 28.. freaky, I even ended up at the hospital with my heart pounding sending me into supra ventricular tachycardia not fun at all.. I felt like I was loosing control of myself; I am what some call a "control freak" and I had NO control over what was happening to me. I still get attacks and I am in the process of finding out what helps, I will be trying your ideas..

Its the worst feeling especially when no one can relate, it leaves you feeling alone and crazy. thanks for this it helps

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