Life sucks…and then you cry.
Ever confused about how to handle uncontrollable crying at the office? Never fear, here’s how to turn even the most unprofessional display of emotion in your favor.
Pretend You Are Choking – you’re busy, and you show it. While your nerves might be on fire, you don’t want to put ‘em out with tears! Just pretend you are choking on that sandwich you are scarfing down because you don’t have time for lunch – or your sanity!
Pretend You Are Sick – you’re busy, and you show it. So busy, in fact, that you haven’t taken a sick day since 1995. No one will question your glossy-eyed look if you are hacking away as if fighting off typhoid fever.
Important Documents to Shred Anyone? – Backlogs got you waterlogged? No worries, take a trip to the ol’ shredding machine, where you are sure to get some solitude, and no one will notice the paperwork covered in waterworks, just shred your worries away!
The most obvious escape is the bathroom break, but I perform this routine with such frequency I had to come up with more ideas, you know, just to keep my nervous breakdowns feeling fresh.
Some of you might think that I hate my job. I don’t. Some of you may think I hate my life. I don’t. Some of you may think there is just something fundamentally wrong with my brain. Bingo.
I haven’t been diagnosed with anything, nor have I sought such help because that would mean admitting I have a problem – but I’ve long been convinced there’s a hole in my brain where rational thought, followed by adult decision-making was supposed to go. I end up crying and getting depressed about the most inconsequential things. Let me rephrase that – I fight like a f*ing champ through some of the toughest shit life has to throw at me, and then my bangs veer left, or my dog looks old, or my pants feel tight and life falls apart.
I haven’t got any actual advice, and forgive the corny sarcasm above. I’m out of ideas.
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Milena
Thanks for the tear-related advice here. I haven’t found myself crying in the office yet, but now when the moment does creep up on me, I will know how to deal with it.
Thanks
I really debated whether to leave this comment… But what the heck, it’s Friday, and someone out there needs a laugh. So here it goes.
I actually tear up whenever I have to go to the bathroom. So occasionally I have to explain to someone, “I’m not really crying, I just need to pee.”
My staff is so used to it, that whenever they need to use the bathroom, they just say, “I need to go cry.”
Milena, amusing post. Great Friday material.
Andrea, you may have some kind of infection.
Seriously, what kind of advice is this? Sad attempt at humor…I’m sure a fake choking incident will go over a lot better than some real emotion.
@ James Hooper
I hope you don’t have to be in that position, but if you are, maybe you can read my post and laugh.
@ Andrea Emerson
That is a funny quirk and would certainly raise eyebrows about you needing to go cry in ladies room…
@ Torbjorn Rive
Thanks!
@ Wicked
Guess you hated my post so much you didn’t read the whole thing. The last line says…I haven’t got any actual advice, and forgive the corny sarcasm above. I’m out of ideas.
I do not condone crying at work, but a coworker once got emotional so she bent down to ‘pick something up’ and ‘hit her head really hard’. It worked.
To paraphrase Martha Stewart (telling a female who was so happy she could cry) “Never cry at work, if you cry you’re fired”.
@ Jessica
Wow - it must be nice to be in a position to not condone crying at work!
I’ve got to say though - if your life is at the stage where you are crying at work - something’s gotta change…
Actually, I’ve faked allergies several times - “my eyes are itchy and watering,” etc. Seems to have worked (at least I hope so) =)
@ Joanna
Allergies…I should have thought of that…