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Email ThisLast night, Penelope had a dinner date, but nobody to watch her children. So being the great co-workers that we are, Ryan and I put Cinco de Mayo on hold and spent an evening getting to know her two sons. They’re both very smart kids, and I learned a lot from them—a lot about leadership, surprisingly enough.
Eye contact can make or break your message.
Like all older brothers, Penelope’s older boy would not stop picking on the younger one. As often as I would say “Stop,” sure enough, two seconds later they were back to wrestling on the floor.
Why wasn’t this working? My approach sucked. I was on the other side of the room, eating a buffalo chicken salad. I might as well have sent him an email saying, “Stop picking on your little brother.”
So I decided to get up and look him in the eye. “Hey, I need you to calm down, and leave your brother alone.”
“Okay,” he said. And he did.
Think about the last time your supervisor criticized you from a distance. Was it effective? Probably not.
The best way for a leader to make an impression and affect some change is through face-to-face interaction. Otherwise, all you’re saying is that you really don’t care that much, at least not enough to cowboy up and put your foot down like you mean it.
Reverse psychology works…sometimes.
We spent some of the night outside playing with my puppy. The kids loved it. And I figured I was both keeping the kids occupied and tiring out the dog before I put him to bed. Great productivity, right?
Eventually it was time to go in. Luring kids back inside was about as hard as the puppy. So I figured I’d do what I usually do for the puppy, lure with food.
I told the kids that maybe there’s ice cream in the freezer and that we could have some if we went in. Instant success.
It turns out there was no ice cream, which sucked because now I had kids on my hands who wanted sweets. Back to wrestling–but you get the point.
Okay, calling reverse psychology “leadership” sounds a little twisted, so think of it as offering rewards for doing something you know your employees don’t want to do.
Maybe let them go home early if they meet a tight deadline, or you can buy them lunch. Get creative. Just make sure you can deliver. Because like a kid who doesn’t get his ice cream your employees’ disappointment will not be good for you in the long run.
Know when (and when not) to check in.
We finally got the kids to calm down by putting on an episode of Scooby-Doo. And Ryan and I took that opportunity to go in the other room to relax.
Five minutes went by and I felt the urge to check on the kids. Things sounded pretty quiet, but when you’re 24 and you have no idea how to deal with kids, you check in a lot.
The moment I walked in the room, the puppy followed. And with the puppy comes playtime, again.
If you’re a manager, it’s good to check in on your employees. It shows that you care, and it keeps them focused on what you want them to focus on. But don’t overdo it. Too much distraction will pull anyone off focus. Know when to back off and let things be.
Rules are good, but not too many rules.
Penelope’s younger son wanted to climb up on the counter and get a cup. I said he wasn’t allowed on the counter. When he asked why I said, “It’s against the rules.”
He said, “Rules make me tired.”
And you know what? That’s true: rules make us all tired. So one key to being a good leader is knowing when to bend or break the rules. If you’re cringing right now, just hear me out.
A manager’s best workers already know when to bend or break a rule. They know that to get the job done the way you want it, protocols sometime have to be modified.
You should know when it’s okay too. If the employee is doing something dangerous (like getting up on the counter) stop them. But if they’re doing something harmless and it’s going to help deliver something great, maybe you can make an exception.
I’m no expert on management. I’m no expert on babysitting kids either. But I know that good leadership requires a manager to understand the behaviors of others, even if they don’t make sense to you at all.
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As 1 of 7 kids, I had to call my dad one day when I reached a point where I was ready to tear my hair out trying to keep my own 2 from tormenting each other. I asked how he and my mother had managed not to blow a gasket on those occasions when we were out of control. He said basically that they ran a “tight ship - but a happy ship”. Everyone had to contribute or the ship would sink - but he made sure we had some fun, varied the routine and that rewards were more plentiful than punishments. We all were recognized for our unique talents and accomplishments. That advice helped get me through parenting my now twenty-something kids and I think, made me good at running a business.
In a sense you have to treat kids (or manage I guess) like you would your dog. Authority, rewards, and a bit of structure.
The other day when I was at the supermarket there was a young mom shopping with her two kids, and the young lad wouldn’t stop running around touching things and getting in people’s way. She was calling him back frantically to no avail. Like the inappropriate person I am I chimed in only by calling his name (as I had heard her calling him) and he stopped immediately and returned to her side.
Mom laughed and commented that, yes, he commonly only listened to men who spoke like they meant it. And, as well, I was a stranger being weird.
Great points! I have worked with a lot of different people over the years, and the one’s who made it to Manager and Director level were the one’s who bent the rules in order to meet their deliverables. At times they got in trouble for it, but still progressed up the ladder.
In my opinion, too many rules slows productivity, and stunts creativity or even thinking outside of the box.
LOL, so you had lessons and a workout.
Good perspective on rules and protocols. I think the key to knowing when to bend or break a rule is to understand why the rule was established in the first place. Rules serve as a baseline but don’t always work in all circumstances and need to be re-evaluated if/as necessary.
Ryan,
What a great post! These kinds of management decisions, which (depending on the kids), offer potential for new and necessarily changing tactics from day to day or minute to minute, are some of the reasons why parents make great workers. I can’t imagine that any paid professional manages an employee more difficult than a child. (Although I bet some have some stories of workers who come close!)
I guess that the real evaluative standard for parents wouldn’t be a personality test, but meeting their children!
(Just kidding. Really.)
I enjoy your blog and Brazen Careerist!
Thanks,
Miriam Salpeter
Keppie Careers
Who knew all those babysitting jobs I had in college were actually preparing me for life in the business world? I thought it was just some extra cash on the side…
Interesting perspective, and now I’ll be looking for hidden lessons in other activities, too.
Take care.