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I’ve been having a lot of coffees with Gen X’ers lately. Now that I’m wrapping up my university career, I’m noticing that I’ve underestimated the amount of personal/mental/financial/emotional change involved in the process. It’s been helpful to chat with those who have gone through this transition period before.
In talking about finishing school and stepping into the quote-unquote real world, the conversations revealed some interesting generational contrasts. I noticed that I was saying a few
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Comments
04.30.08
David:
Great post. I'm used to Millennials saying things more along the lines of "those cranky Gen Xers with the bad attitudes just don't understand us!"
You are very insightful here. Xers were more independent from their parents at your age and more dependent on their friends. Kids were viewed differently when Xers where children (i.e. The Omen, The Excorsist, The Bad News Bears) then when the Millennials were kids (i.e. The Olsen Twins - the cute little ones, not the skanky adult ones). Adults just liked kids more when Millennials were little then when Xers were. I think that in early adulthood, that really impacted how 20-something Xers viewed their parents and other older adults (negatively) and how current 20-somethings do (positively).
One other thing is that Xers, in general, tend to be a little edgier than Millennials in the way they communicate and in their humor. I think Millennials are used to people older than them (particularly the Boomers) being really nice and encouraging. But the Xer facade is just a facade. It's what we think is cool. Toughness. However, since this generation is so devoted to its friends, if Millennials make friends with the Xers, they will find valuable mentors and advocates (really).
04.30.08
“What’s wrong with moving back with mom and dad?”
The answer to this question is more complex than it probably seems on the surface. The more common response is that GenX (and older) can't see how GenY can be the leaders they all claim to be in the workplace while remaining so utterly dependent in their home lives. I assume David is mostly kidding when he says, "Chalk one up for helicopter parenting," but that's another piece of the puzzle: when GenY succeeds in college, the rest of us have to ask whether it's because they were truly successful or because Mom and Dad just had a really mean stink eye they could use on the professors.
But in addition to the obvious response, I think some members of older generations also object because we see an impending financial crisis for the parents of GenY that we're going to be called on to mitigate or solve. At this point in their lives, when GenY is in their 20s and their parents are hopefully in their low-50s or thereabouts, those parents need to focus on saving/investing for their later years, not on keeping the fridge stocked with microbrews and Pudding Pops for their twenty-something children. Yes, GenY gets to save their money--and I'm not insensitive to concerns about excessive college debt--but that doesn't imply that it's free. It isn't. Somebody is paying for GenY, and those somebodies should be allowed to have other priorities.
04.30.08
Suzanne and Sean, thanks for your comments!
Sean, I'm not sure what you meant about success in college. The profs I've had wouldn't blink at a parent yelling at them, much less appease them by bumping grades. In fact, in the odd case a parent does raise a fuss, the prof brings it up in class and the lecture hall has a laugh.
Yes, our parents have been readily available to help us out, but I think my generation is sensitive to when it crosses the line into hand-holding. Give us a little credit, some of us work hard to get our As and Bs.
RE: moving back home
I come from a Filipino family, where the tradition is to live with your family until you feel you're stable enough to move out (I believe this is the culture in many Asian families). The flipside is that you take care of your parents when you're older, so in a sense it balances out. So that piece in my post may be referring to a cultural tradition rather than a generational quirk.
But I'm still seeing a similar attitude when I talk to friends. Helicopter parenting has that two-way effect. We're close to our parents now, they help us out. As we both age, we'll remain close, and we'll reciprocate when we can.
04.30.08
Well, when people talk about "helicopter parenting", they're usually referring to that modern American convention where parents hover over their children and try to protect them from every slight, both real and perceived, well into the child's teens and twenties. In school, the parent goes to battle over every "B" because it might eventually ruin the child's chances at a first-choice Ivy league school. In the working world, parents are calling human resources directly to ask why their child wasn't offered the job, and to make it clear that the hiring supervisor is both blind and stupid.
There's no doubt that many of these horror stories are exaggerated, but there's also too many of them to doubt that they happen.
David, if that's not what you're talking about--if you're just talking about parents and kids who get along--then we're not talking about the same thing.
But still: personally, and maybe it's my Americanness showing even more than my GenX-ness, I'm skeptical when GenY absolves themselves of this problem by saying that they'll take care of their parents in their old age. I've heard that excuse before. It's a beautiful sentiment in a lot of ways, but it seems short-sighted and irresponsible to offer success and money you don't have and can't be sure you'll ever get.
04.30.08
I am still skeptical about the Gen X vs Gen Y difference being as simple as "people in their 20's" vs "people in their 30's". We won't know in 10 years when Gen Y'ers are in their 30's.
I am a Gen X'er and these posts seem like more like a 20's vs 30's perspective than generation gap. Only generational shift is loosening of norms and what's appropriate. I think that subsequent generations get less conservative about their public appearance
04.30.08
Deadhedge, I agree with your point on a lot of levels. I believe that Boomers, X and Y are more alike than different (see my post on this).
There are always going to be generational constants. But there are also lots of small deviations that are going to make for big impacts down the road.
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