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May 29, 2008 12:08 pm
One must remember when dealing with this situation is there is more than one kind of love. Specifically, there are four: Storge, Philia, Agape and Eros.
Eros is the one type that gets entirely too much attention these days, and of the wrong type. It's the root word for erotic. But it can be completely non-sexual. It simply means a deep possessive feeling towards an individual.
Storge is the kind of love you have for kids and family, there because they are part of you and you are part of them.
Agape is selfless love, commonly associated with the Christian ethic of serving others before self.
And finally Philia is the love of friendship, the realization that the relationship has mutual value and should be cared for and nutured.
My opinion: If you have feelings for your boss, you would be wise to steer them towards Philia. Show caring, listen, and be willing to stand up for her/him as much as she/he is for you. And when she/he needs an ear, be there to listen.
Keep sex out of it. In a manager/subordinate relationship, it is a destructive force. It does far more harm than good.
April 22, 2008 12:25 am
The boss?
This is a well written post. However I would add if it looks like a relationship in the making to have a backup plan (i.e. - another job lined up). Maybe the 'boss' could arrange for a transfer. While I was reading this post I felt like I was walking on eggshells as it went from a crush to flirting to asking him/her out on a date to a relationship.
What happens when it comes time to do a performance review? This is when who you know really comes into play.
April 21, 2008 2:37 pm
Another thing I'd like to add: be prepared to find a new job if your relationship progresses. I got into a relationship with, while not my direct boss, the 2nd in command of my small (20 person) office. We kept it very discreet, but as our relationship progressed it got increasingly difficult to keep it a secret and also to worry about people seeing us together, etc.
I had a good job there and could have gone places, career-wise there, but it became clear that our relationship was going somewhere more than casual dating. I found a new job and we eventually got married.
A job's a job and I'd advise before getting involved with someone at work you evaluate whether, if this guy/gal turns out to be your soulmate, are you willing to go get a new job? If you just can't imagine having to give up the job, I wouldn't even think about dating anyone at work. It's just a recipe for disaster--either you break up and it's uncomfortable or you end up being totally in love but always having to look over your shoulder, feeling like you're sneaking around.
April 21, 2008 2:51 pm
Either get over the crush or follow the above advice.
I cannot really see anything positive for one's professional life by hooking up with the boss.
March 17, 2009 7:36 am
I don't really think that hooking up with my boss could help my career... It could hurt it even!
March 7, 2010 8:16 pm
The topic which you have discussed is very informative as well as valuable for all.
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Grad School Zone
UVA (Darden) MBA Admissions Deadlines for 2010-2011
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The University of Virginia's Darden School of Business recently published its application deadlines for the coming admissions season. Here they are, followed by our comments in italics:
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